Graduation Day 2010
I am having this weird new feeling right now and most of today and I want to try and explain it. Graduation was today and now I'm no longer a college student but a college GRADUATE.
One of the things that is strange is how I do actually feel different. Before this, I was thinking how it was just a ceremony and just a degree and I would still be the same person. But it actually is a change in identity, in the way you are viewed by society. And so when I recognize that, I recognize the accomplishment and the value of having completed college. I mean maybe this all seems totally obvious to everyone else, but I hadn't considered before this that I am now part of a different group of people. There's also the issue of how much the college degree is worth in this economy, but whatever that may be, it doesn't change the fact.
But the weird feeling actually has nothing to do with that, or everything. Being there today and feeling so recognized, and everyone being so proud of me, has just filled me with such gratitude all day. Usually when it's my birthday or something and my parents spend money on me, or we plan things, I get very anxious or concerned about the money or whatever. But today I just didn't care because I felt like I actually earned something. But no, I'm getting off track.
Here's where I'm going with this. The week between the end of classes and graduation, I had some drama, and the experiences as they happened were of course a lot of fun. But during the day, I didn't feel the way I do now, which is full of gratitude and contentment. So I guess this does have everything to do with the change in identity, because now that I've gone through that, at least for right now, I don't feel a need for any of it. And I also feel kind of a responsibility, I guess, that comes along with it. And for once it doesn't feel like a burden or something I have to get done, but just a desire and a purpose to be a better person, and to take better care of myself and prepare for the future.
I mean it's actually hilarious, because I can't believe graduating has caused this huge of a mental shift for me. Maybe it won't last. When I act the way I do this past week, I know it happens because I am bored and unfulfilled. Today I wasn't bored and I guess that's why. But it's also replaced with this feeling of peace and purpose and I'm glad for it. And it should stick around, because it's a nice feeling.
One of the things that is strange is how I do actually feel different. Before this, I was thinking how it was just a ceremony and just a degree and I would still be the same person. But it actually is a change in identity, in the way you are viewed by society. And so when I recognize that, I recognize the accomplishment and the value of having completed college. I mean maybe this all seems totally obvious to everyone else, but I hadn't considered before this that I am now part of a different group of people. There's also the issue of how much the college degree is worth in this economy, but whatever that may be, it doesn't change the fact.
But the weird feeling actually has nothing to do with that, or everything. Being there today and feeling so recognized, and everyone being so proud of me, has just filled me with such gratitude all day. Usually when it's my birthday or something and my parents spend money on me, or we plan things, I get very anxious or concerned about the money or whatever. But today I just didn't care because I felt like I actually earned something. But no, I'm getting off track.
Here's where I'm going with this. The week between the end of classes and graduation, I had some drama, and the experiences as they happened were of course a lot of fun. But during the day, I didn't feel the way I do now, which is full of gratitude and contentment. So I guess this does have everything to do with the change in identity, because now that I've gone through that, at least for right now, I don't feel a need for any of it. And I also feel kind of a responsibility, I guess, that comes along with it. And for once it doesn't feel like a burden or something I have to get done, but just a desire and a purpose to be a better person, and to take better care of myself and prepare for the future.
I mean it's actually hilarious, because I can't believe graduating has caused this huge of a mental shift for me. Maybe it won't last. When I act the way I do this past week, I know it happens because I am bored and unfulfilled. Today I wasn't bored and I guess that's why. But it's also replaced with this feeling of peace and purpose and I'm glad for it. And it should stick around, because it's a nice feeling.