I am the Earth, the cradle of creation.
My problem is that I get so caught up with living my life that I forget to stop and post about it.
Where do I even begin?
Women's Canoe on thursday, the nearly full moon was shining on our lovely breasts. We are so relaxed and happy together. This is a time for us to reconnect with one another and ourselves. I got to see my women who have been away for the winter holidays and we regaled each other with tales and laughter. I took myself out to sushi again. Freakin' delicious. I've been having odd cravings for fish lately. The people sitting next to me were talking to the man behind the bar about living in Hawaii and eating sushi everyday. I thought to myself: Hawaii? Sushi for breakfast? I am so there. I'm making all sorts of wild goals for myself lately: get a passport, buy a motorcycle, pay off my credit card, sell paintings, learn Reiki. My will, she is strong.
I had an amazing weekend. It's been sunny every single day since I got back from Boston. Warm breezes, tank tops, flip flops, summertime in January. Yes. I spent Saturday afternoon with the sun on my back while I drank tiny coffees, wrote letters and charmed passers-by. I ran into Parsia, quite by coincidence and arranged a massage exchange. The used book store was filled with fabulous finds waiting just for me. I ran errands and went on a little visiting spree of my downtown neighbors. Onwards! To the studio! I worked until after the sun went down. I'm on the way to finishing another abstract work. Then, games with the neighbors and roomies. We're such dorks! We played Nights of Camelot, a funny cooperative game, the traitor got us in the end, though. I borrowed one of Steve's ties for Drag Night at Aunty Mo's - the only gay club in Humboldt.
I looked damn good. I was walking with Connie and caught my reflection in a darkened window and thought I'd do me. At the club, I was lurking with Connie and said You see that girl, with the hat and vest with the roses embroidered on her shoulders? That one. I want that one. Not a minute later, the music started, and I went and got her. Hannah. Lovely. Soft. Sweet. I got her number. How do you like them apples?
Sunday! Epic! Truly epic. Words fail me. I went out to College Cove with the ladies to take photos and cavort naked on the beach. It was the warmest, sunniest day on memory. Erin ran into the water, and Kelly followed her, shouting and shrieking. Was talking to Erica, and distracted by their joy said, excuse me, but I have to go do that now. I ran into the Pacific in January and I will never be the same. I am the Goddess and I speak now from the mouth of all women. I am the earth, the cradle of creation. In the creases of my inner thighs lies your salvation. Get down on your knees and worship me. I threw my arms toward the sky and shouted Thank you thank you thank you for this day! I came out of the water shaking but not cold. The sun on my skin dried me nearly instantly. I was high on life. For real. From now on, as long as I live on this side of the world, I am running naked into the sea in January. The water washed away everything except the chance to begin again.
We all walked back to the car barefooted. Somehow, doing it together made the sharp stones easier to bear and the soft mud that much more pleasureable. Once home, we hugged and laughed and shouted I love yous and farewells.
Then, the phone rang. Zac. He's the one who showed up on my doorstep a few days after Tofu stomped my little heart. Not knowing if I would even be there, or what he would find if I was. He decided to find me. He had just gotten off work in Oakland and wanted to see me. Today. Would that be all right? Five hours later I found him in my living room and there are no words. I am speechless and that's not a metaphor. We are in awe of one another. He decided to find me. He took a risk and won.
I can feel him thinking of me, across the many miles. Even after that first day I met him so randomly. Chance is a funny thing. Where I will be will not be where I am.
We were up til 4 in the morning, I had to drug him with kava to get him to fall asleep. Before work, he took me to breakfast in the cool morning light. We were lingering over cups of coffee and he stopped to say it's good to see you in the sun again. I went to work singing. John let me off early. He could see that look all over my face. Now, whenever anyone asks me how I am I say great. I am great. I came home from work and he took off my boots, kissed my dirty hands and pulled me onto his lap. I am cherished. His respect for my body crosses over into reverence. He sees the goddess in me. He is stronger than he looks and so am I.
I am cautiously optimistic.
Speaking of optimism. I cried when they played the national anthem at the end Barack Obama's inauguration. I am proud to be part of the movement that elected him as our President. He believes in science.
I spent the day in bed today, not feeling well at all. Every few months I get frighteningly painful cramps and I had another round. But I spent the afternoon breathing my way back. I willed myself better so I could make it to my massage appointment. And how do I feel? Great.
Everything changed for me the day I decided to let go of aspects of myself that do not serve me, and prepare space for the unexpected.
Now? Dinner with Grant! Albacore with green onions and delicious rice!
Where do I even begin?
Women's Canoe on thursday, the nearly full moon was shining on our lovely breasts. We are so relaxed and happy together. This is a time for us to reconnect with one another and ourselves. I got to see my women who have been away for the winter holidays and we regaled each other with tales and laughter. I took myself out to sushi again. Freakin' delicious. I've been having odd cravings for fish lately. The people sitting next to me were talking to the man behind the bar about living in Hawaii and eating sushi everyday. I thought to myself: Hawaii? Sushi for breakfast? I am so there. I'm making all sorts of wild goals for myself lately: get a passport, buy a motorcycle, pay off my credit card, sell paintings, learn Reiki. My will, she is strong.
I had an amazing weekend. It's been sunny every single day since I got back from Boston. Warm breezes, tank tops, flip flops, summertime in January. Yes. I spent Saturday afternoon with the sun on my back while I drank tiny coffees, wrote letters and charmed passers-by. I ran into Parsia, quite by coincidence and arranged a massage exchange. The used book store was filled with fabulous finds waiting just for me. I ran errands and went on a little visiting spree of my downtown neighbors. Onwards! To the studio! I worked until after the sun went down. I'm on the way to finishing another abstract work. Then, games with the neighbors and roomies. We're such dorks! We played Nights of Camelot, a funny cooperative game, the traitor got us in the end, though. I borrowed one of Steve's ties for Drag Night at Aunty Mo's - the only gay club in Humboldt.
I looked damn good. I was walking with Connie and caught my reflection in a darkened window and thought I'd do me. At the club, I was lurking with Connie and said You see that girl, with the hat and vest with the roses embroidered on her shoulders? That one. I want that one. Not a minute later, the music started, and I went and got her. Hannah. Lovely. Soft. Sweet. I got her number. How do you like them apples?
Sunday! Epic! Truly epic. Words fail me. I went out to College Cove with the ladies to take photos and cavort naked on the beach. It was the warmest, sunniest day on memory. Erin ran into the water, and Kelly followed her, shouting and shrieking. Was talking to Erica, and distracted by their joy said, excuse me, but I have to go do that now. I ran into the Pacific in January and I will never be the same. I am the Goddess and I speak now from the mouth of all women. I am the earth, the cradle of creation. In the creases of my inner thighs lies your salvation. Get down on your knees and worship me. I threw my arms toward the sky and shouted Thank you thank you thank you for this day! I came out of the water shaking but not cold. The sun on my skin dried me nearly instantly. I was high on life. For real. From now on, as long as I live on this side of the world, I am running naked into the sea in January. The water washed away everything except the chance to begin again.
We all walked back to the car barefooted. Somehow, doing it together made the sharp stones easier to bear and the soft mud that much more pleasureable. Once home, we hugged and laughed and shouted I love yous and farewells.
Then, the phone rang. Zac. He's the one who showed up on my doorstep a few days after Tofu stomped my little heart. Not knowing if I would even be there, or what he would find if I was. He decided to find me. He had just gotten off work in Oakland and wanted to see me. Today. Would that be all right? Five hours later I found him in my living room and there are no words. I am speechless and that's not a metaphor. We are in awe of one another. He decided to find me. He took a risk and won.
I can feel him thinking of me, across the many miles. Even after that first day I met him so randomly. Chance is a funny thing. Where I will be will not be where I am.
We were up til 4 in the morning, I had to drug him with kava to get him to fall asleep. Before work, he took me to breakfast in the cool morning light. We were lingering over cups of coffee and he stopped to say it's good to see you in the sun again. I went to work singing. John let me off early. He could see that look all over my face. Now, whenever anyone asks me how I am I say great. I am great. I came home from work and he took off my boots, kissed my dirty hands and pulled me onto his lap. I am cherished. His respect for my body crosses over into reverence. He sees the goddess in me. He is stronger than he looks and so am I.
I am cautiously optimistic.
Speaking of optimism. I cried when they played the national anthem at the end Barack Obama's inauguration. I am proud to be part of the movement that elected him as our President. He believes in science.
I spent the day in bed today, not feeling well at all. Every few months I get frighteningly painful cramps and I had another round. But I spent the afternoon breathing my way back. I willed myself better so I could make it to my massage appointment. And how do I feel? Great.
Everything changed for me the day I decided to let go of aspects of myself that do not serve me, and prepare space for the unexpected.
Now? Dinner with Grant! Albacore with green onions and delicious rice!