Ani sucks. Babies suck. Ani's baby sucks.
So I'm wandering around on YouTube in a vain attempt to sublimate and I see a video of Ani remixing her old song Both Hands. Beautifully done, a bit more zip, and the video ends up being a bit of a tribute to her baby. And I'm watching her hold her funny looking baby and sing to it, and it's a warm fuzzy moment etc etc, and I realize, quite suddenly, that I'm just leaking like hell, I mean I've got tears soaking my pajamas. And all in one thick moment the frustration and anger and schizophrenia of the fertility struggle of the last few years hits me like a bar of soap in a sock. I think I try to be a big brick most of the time for Yona, because when high emotion is around it's my training and nature to automatically become the calm quiet center of the universe. Yona asks me to share this kind of thing with her, she asserts it helps her feel less alone in these feelings, but it's just not in my programming. I try though. So that's why Ani's gorgeous baby sucks. Cuz I don't got one.