I have always been an airport baby
I grew up constantly flying because I fly for free. However, the amount of times I have flown with the past seven months is borderline absurd. Round trip October; Round trip November; round trip December/January; round trip March; round trip April. That is ten flights. Plus I have nationals in Georgia next week, which I will be flying to, and then I'll fly home at the very end of April. And this summer will entail a lot of flying too --New York City, Ireland, possibly Los Angeles, maybe back to Boston to guide my little brother around as he visits MIT.
College stresses me out. Instead of writing about relationships as I'm afraid I'll often do in this thing, let's talk about college.
I attend a private college in downtown Boston that I am ill-able to afford and am really not that happy with. Upon coming to the college as dramatic writing major, I learned that actually dramatic writing does not exist here as a major. They had actually made me a playwriting major, which meant I was a theatre studies major and would take one class in playwriting my senior year. I considered staying a theatre major, since theatre is something I have felt passionately about and something I would like to see remain in my life. However, my first semester here was MISERABLE for a variety of factors. Being so far from home. Not having friends. Culture shock (Boston is extremely different from home). Being the only Christian at a school that is very anti-Christian. College is vastly different from high school and I had a difficult time adjusting. I didn't get along with my flatmates after the first few weeks. Then one of my flatmates came down with throat cancer, which was terrible. My weight was yo-yoing as I lapsed back into the eating issues (dare I say disorder) I battled with when I was younger. I felt a total disconnect from everyone and everything at home, and I was unsatisfied by the lack of challenge and education in the courses I was taking --though now, looking back, I can appreciate my philosophy and speech classes more. I had too much freetime and not enough committments to keep me happy and a very small social life because I had/have no desire to go get wasted or high or strung out with the majority of my college acquaintances. I went on a few dates that turned disastrous, and the pickings are slim at my school where most of the boys I share glasses with are gay. I went to see some plays and went salsa dancing and even did ballroom and latin club dancing classes with one of my flatmates, but money was a constant anxiety. There were good things about the semester, of course, but overall it was truly a struggle to make it through. At one point I hoped I would go too far in my eating habits and be forced to go home. That's how depressed I was. I would go days at a time where I just COULD NOT get out of bed. I became a vegetarian.
This semester has been much, MUCH better. I changed majors and am now a writing major, which is what everyone has foreseen for me since elementary school. I'm much happier as a writing major, and happy that the classes I'm taking now actually have something to do with my major/minor. I work, which adds stressed but keeps me from being idle. I've been very involved with the forensics team, have three champion trophies to show for it, and will be spending a week in Georgia next week to compete at nationals. I have two fantastic friends --I'm used to a much larger social circle, but I'll take my two friends and numerous acquaintances. I get along with my roommate finally and don't ever have to see the rest of my suitemates because of my busy schedule. I am involved with helping a church plant, Ethne, which has helped me regain some of my Christian footing. American Idol has given me something to look forward to; Starbucks has given me an income in the positive ranges and I've met some great new people. However, due to stress, my weight has sky-rocketed and I have gained back everything and more that I loss last semester. I pierced my nose and got dangerously addicted to espresso/coffee, and I'm not joking about that.
But as always, there are pros and cons to being here. I am highly disappointed in the lack of education I feel I am actually receiving in terms of book learning. I'm not challenged. Experience-wise, yes, I have learned a GREAT deal, which I think is just as important as scholarly learning. However, in the academics department I have actually gotten STUPIDER since going to college, and I am not okay with that. I am unimpressed with Boston and New England in general and cannot see myself staying here long term. I do not appreciated the one-sidedness of politics and religion at this school, and the fact that I am constantly singled out for my beliefs and values --it is wearing on me. I don't mind the weather, but the wind bites, and I miss the warmth of the South ('warmth' in more meanings than one). I am also unimpressed with the weight my college's name carries. In coming here, I was under the impression it was a big dog. And it is, within specific circles. If you are in film, writing, or theatre, this is the place to be. As a writing major, it's appropriate, and a great school.
Oh, but I am restless. I have lived here eight months and already I'm aching to move on to a new city, new faces, new places. I'll be back home this summer and hopping around a bit. I'll be in Europe next fall. Then I will most likely be back here in the spring for several reasons. It means I won't have to change schools mid-year. I'll get one more semester at least of doing forensics with my coach and teammates.
There is nowhere else specifically I have in mind. Unfortunately, there are many things I do like about this school, and in transferring I would lose those. There is also the possibility of graduating early if I stay here, in which case I could spend a semester in Africa or India before starting my masters work, which I feel like is the next step for me from here. I thought about transferring to BU, but if I don't want to stay in Boston? I thought about NYU, since I already made it into their dramatic writing program before, but now I no longer want to do specifically dramatic writing, and I was unimpressed with the school when I visited David in December anyways. It just didn't feel right. I've thought about UCLA, which is probably my biggest possibility at the moment. But do they even have a valid writing program? I've even thought about Bowdoin, but God, could I handly Maine? And, of course, I've considered SMU, which I also already made it into. I would love to spend my entire junior year abroad (which I cannot do if I stay here), and SMU has great abroad programs, and it's near home. But will I feel like a big failure if I end up going to my safety school?
My little brother is considering MIT. If he went there, my parents offered to pay for an apartment if I will live with him. That would be pretty rad --both living with him, having an apartment, and not having to pay for it. We could get one out in the suburbs, too, which I think would make me a lot happier. But he may not go to MIT. This school I'm at is definitely quirky, and in many ways that fits where everyone saw for me all along.
I suppose the best thing for me to do at this time is go visit schools this summer to see if there is anything else that feels better. I think I'll e-mail my old English teacher from high school, the one who probably influenced me and my writing more than anyone not in my family, and see if he has any school recommendations. And I'll check into the grad schools I'm thinking about and see what they require as far as degrees go --I'll have my BFA in writing, and I'm sure my school's diploma is as legit as any other's, but it's such a quirky school, that it wouldn't surprsie me . . .
Grad schools I'm considering (at times it feels like so far away, and yet this year has FLOWN by, and I'm sure the next two and a half or three will as well): Oxford {dare I attempt it?), UCLA, SMU, American University in Paris, and anywhere else? Who knows! I'm not old enough to run my own life like this.
At times I feel like it doesn't matter. What is a college degree? Only as much as you do with it. Especially as a writer and photojournalist, it's not like where I go to college is going to get or not get me the job I want to do in life. At other times I feel like it's everything because everyone has always expected so much out of me, and I expect so much of myself. I will not settle for anything less than the best. Is my college the best? Am I getting the best out of it? The bottom line is: why am I in college and is this school fulfilling that?
I'm in college to learn about my trade (in this case writing and photography) and to gain experiences that will influence both me and my trade.
Is this school fulfilling that? . . . yes? Experience, yes. I've had a grand year of experience. And I know I've learned more than I give myself credit for, mostly about politics and opinions and viewpoints and what it's like in another place with other people than those I grew up with. I've learned things about gender and race and identity and philosophy and politics that you just don't talk about in the Bible belt. That's good, I think. And I know I've taught people around me things and made them think. But like I said, I'm restless. Does this school and Boston have anything else to offer me? If not, I refuse to sit idle and twiddle my thumbs for the next two and a half years. I'm not waiting until I graduate to make something of myself!
Well, we shall see. I have my course of action planned --the visiting and the seeing how it is studying abroad and the checking into grad programs. That's all I can do for now. But I was never a big fan of waiting.
That said, the gym is calling my name, and those added pounds are DEAD MEAT. Good Lord, this is long. . . obviously I needed to get my thoughts out.
College stresses me out. Instead of writing about relationships as I'm afraid I'll often do in this thing, let's talk about college.
I attend a private college in downtown Boston that I am ill-able to afford and am really not that happy with. Upon coming to the college as dramatic writing major, I learned that actually dramatic writing does not exist here as a major. They had actually made me a playwriting major, which meant I was a theatre studies major and would take one class in playwriting my senior year. I considered staying a theatre major, since theatre is something I have felt passionately about and something I would like to see remain in my life. However, my first semester here was MISERABLE for a variety of factors. Being so far from home. Not having friends. Culture shock (Boston is extremely different from home). Being the only Christian at a school that is very anti-Christian. College is vastly different from high school and I had a difficult time adjusting. I didn't get along with my flatmates after the first few weeks. Then one of my flatmates came down with throat cancer, which was terrible. My weight was yo-yoing as I lapsed back into the eating issues (dare I say disorder) I battled with when I was younger. I felt a total disconnect from everyone and everything at home, and I was unsatisfied by the lack of challenge and education in the courses I was taking --though now, looking back, I can appreciate my philosophy and speech classes more. I had too much freetime and not enough committments to keep me happy and a very small social life because I had/have no desire to go get wasted or high or strung out with the majority of my college acquaintances. I went on a few dates that turned disastrous, and the pickings are slim at my school where most of the boys I share glasses with are gay. I went to see some plays and went salsa dancing and even did ballroom and latin club dancing classes with one of my flatmates, but money was a constant anxiety. There were good things about the semester, of course, but overall it was truly a struggle to make it through. At one point I hoped I would go too far in my eating habits and be forced to go home. That's how depressed I was. I would go days at a time where I just COULD NOT get out of bed. I became a vegetarian.
This semester has been much, MUCH better. I changed majors and am now a writing major, which is what everyone has foreseen for me since elementary school. I'm much happier as a writing major, and happy that the classes I'm taking now actually have something to do with my major/minor. I work, which adds stressed but keeps me from being idle. I've been very involved with the forensics team, have three champion trophies to show for it, and will be spending a week in Georgia next week to compete at nationals. I have two fantastic friends --I'm used to a much larger social circle, but I'll take my two friends and numerous acquaintances. I get along with my roommate finally and don't ever have to see the rest of my suitemates because of my busy schedule. I am involved with helping a church plant, Ethne, which has helped me regain some of my Christian footing. American Idol has given me something to look forward to; Starbucks has given me an income in the positive ranges and I've met some great new people. However, due to stress, my weight has sky-rocketed and I have gained back everything and more that I loss last semester. I pierced my nose and got dangerously addicted to espresso/coffee, and I'm not joking about that.
But as always, there are pros and cons to being here. I am highly disappointed in the lack of education I feel I am actually receiving in terms of book learning. I'm not challenged. Experience-wise, yes, I have learned a GREAT deal, which I think is just as important as scholarly learning. However, in the academics department I have actually gotten STUPIDER since going to college, and I am not okay with that. I am unimpressed with Boston and New England in general and cannot see myself staying here long term. I do not appreciated the one-sidedness of politics and religion at this school, and the fact that I am constantly singled out for my beliefs and values --it is wearing on me. I don't mind the weather, but the wind bites, and I miss the warmth of the South ('warmth' in more meanings than one). I am also unimpressed with the weight my college's name carries. In coming here, I was under the impression it was a big dog. And it is, within specific circles. If you are in film, writing, or theatre, this is the place to be. As a writing major, it's appropriate, and a great school.
Oh, but I am restless. I have lived here eight months and already I'm aching to move on to a new city, new faces, new places. I'll be back home this summer and hopping around a bit. I'll be in Europe next fall. Then I will most likely be back here in the spring for several reasons. It means I won't have to change schools mid-year. I'll get one more semester at least of doing forensics with my coach and teammates.
There is nowhere else specifically I have in mind. Unfortunately, there are many things I do like about this school, and in transferring I would lose those. There is also the possibility of graduating early if I stay here, in which case I could spend a semester in Africa or India before starting my masters work, which I feel like is the next step for me from here. I thought about transferring to BU, but if I don't want to stay in Boston? I thought about NYU, since I already made it into their dramatic writing program before, but now I no longer want to do specifically dramatic writing, and I was unimpressed with the school when I visited David in December anyways. It just didn't feel right. I've thought about UCLA, which is probably my biggest possibility at the moment. But do they even have a valid writing program? I've even thought about Bowdoin, but God, could I handly Maine? And, of course, I've considered SMU, which I also already made it into. I would love to spend my entire junior year abroad (which I cannot do if I stay here), and SMU has great abroad programs, and it's near home. But will I feel like a big failure if I end up going to my safety school?
My little brother is considering MIT. If he went there, my parents offered to pay for an apartment if I will live with him. That would be pretty rad --both living with him, having an apartment, and not having to pay for it. We could get one out in the suburbs, too, which I think would make me a lot happier. But he may not go to MIT. This school I'm at is definitely quirky, and in many ways that fits where everyone saw for me all along.
I suppose the best thing for me to do at this time is go visit schools this summer to see if there is anything else that feels better. I think I'll e-mail my old English teacher from high school, the one who probably influenced me and my writing more than anyone not in my family, and see if he has any school recommendations. And I'll check into the grad schools I'm thinking about and see what they require as far as degrees go --I'll have my BFA in writing, and I'm sure my school's diploma is as legit as any other's, but it's such a quirky school, that it wouldn't surprsie me . . .
Grad schools I'm considering (at times it feels like so far away, and yet this year has FLOWN by, and I'm sure the next two and a half or three will as well): Oxford {dare I attempt it?), UCLA, SMU, American University in Paris, and anywhere else? Who knows! I'm not old enough to run my own life like this.
At times I feel like it doesn't matter. What is a college degree? Only as much as you do with it. Especially as a writer and photojournalist, it's not like where I go to college is going to get or not get me the job I want to do in life. At other times I feel like it's everything because everyone has always expected so much out of me, and I expect so much of myself. I will not settle for anything less than the best. Is my college the best? Am I getting the best out of it? The bottom line is: why am I in college and is this school fulfilling that?
I'm in college to learn about my trade (in this case writing and photography) and to gain experiences that will influence both me and my trade.
Is this school fulfilling that? . . . yes? Experience, yes. I've had a grand year of experience. And I know I've learned more than I give myself credit for, mostly about politics and opinions and viewpoints and what it's like in another place with other people than those I grew up with. I've learned things about gender and race and identity and philosophy and politics that you just don't talk about in the Bible belt. That's good, I think. And I know I've taught people around me things and made them think. But like I said, I'm restless. Does this school and Boston have anything else to offer me? If not, I refuse to sit idle and twiddle my thumbs for the next two and a half years. I'm not waiting until I graduate to make something of myself!
Well, we shall see. I have my course of action planned --the visiting and the seeing how it is studying abroad and the checking into grad programs. That's all I can do for now. But I was never a big fan of waiting.
That said, the gym is calling my name, and those added pounds are DEAD MEAT. Good Lord, this is long. . . obviously I needed to get my thoughts out.