I'm never here...
But I feel then need to vent today because I'm so tired of holding everything in, pretending like nothing bothers me, and that I'm indeed "Okay". Everything bothers me, and I am not "Okay".
Danny and I are getting a divorce. I moved out and have my own apartment. Faith is trying to adjust, but having a hard time. I think getting into preschool will help. I start working on that tomorrow. I hate my new apartment. I hate living alone. I hate being lonely. I hate that I've allowed him to come over, screw me, and leave just to ignore me for a few days. For that, I am stupid, but I crave him in every imaginable way. *idiot*
Things got really bad. Really bad and I had to walk away. It was me that verbalized I was done, but him that gave up a long time ago. He's all about other women, drinking even more than he did before, loving me for a day, and then leaving me high and dry. I can't allow him to drive the knife any further. I wish he would stop the drinking and playing the Tiger Woods game of "how many holes can I hit in one weekend". It sickens me and he is someone that I don't even know anymore. I'm not innocent, but I'm definitely not looking for anything. His friends have asked me out, other guys have asked me out, and they basically get the "go screw yourself" response.
I'm tired of hating my life and wanting to cry every single god damn day.. I feel strong one day, and hardly want to get out of bed the next.
How do you get through it?
Danny and I are getting a divorce. I moved out and have my own apartment. Faith is trying to adjust, but having a hard time. I think getting into preschool will help. I start working on that tomorrow. I hate my new apartment. I hate living alone. I hate being lonely. I hate that I've allowed him to come over, screw me, and leave just to ignore me for a few days. For that, I am stupid, but I crave him in every imaginable way. *idiot*
Things got really bad. Really bad and I had to walk away. It was me that verbalized I was done, but him that gave up a long time ago. He's all about other women, drinking even more than he did before, loving me for a day, and then leaving me high and dry. I can't allow him to drive the knife any further. I wish he would stop the drinking and playing the Tiger Woods game of "how many holes can I hit in one weekend". It sickens me and he is someone that I don't even know anymore. I'm not innocent, but I'm definitely not looking for anything. His friends have asked me out, other guys have asked me out, and they basically get the "go screw yourself" response.
I'm tired of hating my life and wanting to cry every single god damn day.. I feel strong one day, and hardly want to get out of bed the next.
How do you get through it?