(no subject)
Well today WAS a good day... i had a good time in school and on the lab (im lucky i shed) Poor Audrey almost got plucked to death. I had all my homework in for all my classes... i even met a new person from belgum. Then i got to come home and take a shower... i was so happy... even had my favorite sandwitch.
Then Andrew called, I was so happy. It looked like my day was just going ot get better... haha yea... When i asked him why he didnt call last night (wich i wasnt mad about, I was just worried at the time) he said he didnt get home till 6. He was at baileys, and didnt feel good. usualy i would be ok you know if it was a weekend and we had to cancle part of our plans because i still have all night. But no... he was irrisponsible, he should of known he wouldnt feel good. Staying out at baileys till 6 and haveing to wake up at 7 to go to school. It was so stupid. So of coarse he didnt feel good. Had to cancel planes. Then was all mad at me cuz i was mad. Im not mad because hes tired, i mad because he was stupid and should of known that. I was mad becasue he stayed over at baileys house... literally sleeped there, but you know to make me feel better he said he didnt get there till 3. HOW THICK HEADED WAS THIS CONVO!!! i felt like a mom haveing to tell him that it was irrisponsible. Last time i did something stupid like that when i had school in the morning, and made plans with someone after. My parents didnt let me sleep. They called me an idiot and told me i still had plans and had to suffer. Wich i did. I learned my lesson. But no i have to be all understanding and be like oh ok hunny you can go to sleep, i dont mind you moveing our plans and did something completely irrisponsible its ok, go to sleep i wont mind. Screw that! His mom didnt teach him when he was a child he needs to be tought that life gos on after your dumb decisions. He wont make it outside of his parents house if hes like that. True i was angry that he basically stayed till morning at baileys, I took it as sleeping over, he didnt so whatever. Then he kept blameing the fight on me. When he was doing the majority of the yelling then i had to yell over him so he would hear me. AND he put words in my mouth about restrictions i put on him and when i didnt and about how he dosnt like hanging with my friends, wich i dont mind if he dosnt like that i would understand but yelling at me was rediculous. He yelled at me for interupting when its the only way i could talk. He yelled at me for repeating when the first time i sadi stuff he obviously didnt get it because he twisted it around. I couldnt handle being yelled at anymore so in the middle of his screaming i hung up and ran water over my face and counted to ten so i wouldnt cry. Then i called him back and more yelling and twisting of words, and blameing all his unhappyness on me. I finally was like it was both our faults and he agreed it was all good... till his last sentance. He said all hes wanted to do was sleep and we could of been hanging out by now if I didnt argue and just accepted it. By then i was just like fine by call me when your awake. and hung up.
im sick of being yelled at and called an idiot and told i ruin his life. then later him telling me im the smartest person he knows and that he loves me, and how i make him so happy, we are spending the rest of our lives together so it dosnt matter about time spent together now.
I mean i DO love him very much, and i want to spend my life with him, but everyone knows thats not always how it works out. If it keeps going like this i may die before that happens. Im also very sad to admit i still have trust issues, the wound isnt gone yet, its fadeing but it isnt gone, and he dosnt understand that. Ive never been hurt so bad by anyone in my life. Seeing that he cares heals it faster, not fighting. Fightings feels like ripping a scab off wich makes it heal slower, or ripping open stitches or an old scar, baiscally it makes it worse.
I value the time we have now more then time we have later. I dont have a boyfriend now so i can wait till later. Yes i am impatiant.
So im waiting for him to call and i hope that this gets better... i missed out on few things... im just ranting... dont mind me.
Then Andrew called, I was so happy. It looked like my day was just going ot get better... haha yea... When i asked him why he didnt call last night (wich i wasnt mad about, I was just worried at the time) he said he didnt get home till 6. He was at baileys, and didnt feel good. usualy i would be ok you know if it was a weekend and we had to cancle part of our plans because i still have all night. But no... he was irrisponsible, he should of known he wouldnt feel good. Staying out at baileys till 6 and haveing to wake up at 7 to go to school. It was so stupid. So of coarse he didnt feel good. Had to cancel planes. Then was all mad at me cuz i was mad. Im not mad because hes tired, i mad because he was stupid and should of known that. I was mad becasue he stayed over at baileys house... literally sleeped there, but you know to make me feel better he said he didnt get there till 3. HOW THICK HEADED WAS THIS CONVO!!! i felt like a mom haveing to tell him that it was irrisponsible. Last time i did something stupid like that when i had school in the morning, and made plans with someone after. My parents didnt let me sleep. They called me an idiot and told me i still had plans and had to suffer. Wich i did. I learned my lesson. But no i have to be all understanding and be like oh ok hunny you can go to sleep, i dont mind you moveing our plans and did something completely irrisponsible its ok, go to sleep i wont mind. Screw that! His mom didnt teach him when he was a child he needs to be tought that life gos on after your dumb decisions. He wont make it outside of his parents house if hes like that. True i was angry that he basically stayed till morning at baileys, I took it as sleeping over, he didnt so whatever. Then he kept blameing the fight on me. When he was doing the majority of the yelling then i had to yell over him so he would hear me. AND he put words in my mouth about restrictions i put on him and when i didnt and about how he dosnt like hanging with my friends, wich i dont mind if he dosnt like that i would understand but yelling at me was rediculous. He yelled at me for interupting when its the only way i could talk. He yelled at me for repeating when the first time i sadi stuff he obviously didnt get it because he twisted it around. I couldnt handle being yelled at anymore so in the middle of his screaming i hung up and ran water over my face and counted to ten so i wouldnt cry. Then i called him back and more yelling and twisting of words, and blameing all his unhappyness on me. I finally was like it was both our faults and he agreed it was all good... till his last sentance. He said all hes wanted to do was sleep and we could of been hanging out by now if I didnt argue and just accepted it. By then i was just like fine by call me when your awake. and hung up.
im sick of being yelled at and called an idiot and told i ruin his life. then later him telling me im the smartest person he knows and that he loves me, and how i make him so happy, we are spending the rest of our lives together so it dosnt matter about time spent together now.
I mean i DO love him very much, and i want to spend my life with him, but everyone knows thats not always how it works out. If it keeps going like this i may die before that happens. Im also very sad to admit i still have trust issues, the wound isnt gone yet, its fadeing but it isnt gone, and he dosnt understand that. Ive never been hurt so bad by anyone in my life. Seeing that he cares heals it faster, not fighting. Fightings feels like ripping a scab off wich makes it heal slower, or ripping open stitches or an old scar, baiscally it makes it worse.
I value the time we have now more then time we have later. I dont have a boyfriend now so i can wait till later. Yes i am impatiant.
So im waiting for him to call and i hope that this gets better... i missed out on few things... im just ranting... dont mind me.