Xander is 8 months old
I can not believe that time is going so fast. I have this amazing beautiful little boy who just keeps getting cuter and cuter. I love him so much. I know some people say that they never imagined how much they'd love their kid, but I totally did. I was worried that I wouldn't love him as much as I had imagined, but I totally do.
What I didn't imagine was how much sad stories about kids would affect me now. I seriously can start crying at commercials for shows involving bad things happening to kids. I imagine horrible things happening to Xander and have to calm myself down often. I'm crazy emotional with anything related to that.
On other topics, I haven't had to pump for 3 weeks as of next Tuesday. My boobs still feel like there is some milk in them and I have leaked a few drops every now and again, but I haven't felt any pain or discomfort for a while. I'm totally thrilled to not have to hook myself up to the machine, but I'm feeling really weird mommy guilt for not doing it longer. I know that I could probably start pumping again and get my supply back up at least enough to feed him, but I also know that it's not the right thing for me. Once I go a month without pumping I'm going to start looking into getting back on my antidepressants. I think I'm really needing them.
I had to replace the roof on the duplex so I'm back in crazy debt again. It sucks to worry about money. Of course this happened right after I lose my cushy gig at a school so I don't have any way to really know how much work I'm getting. I need to get my name on some other agency's lists anyway to get enough work for moving back to Tucson. So I guess this is more reason to do it. It just sucks having to drive all over the valley spending all day away from home and Xander to get less hours paid than I was before. But, I've been doing this since I moved up here; doing school gigs and losing them (never my fault, always the district hiring directly or the student leaving that school). I only have a few more medical bills left from having Xander and his time in the hospital at a month old. Once that's paid off then I have my credit card debt. I've maxed out both cards now with the roof replacement and I still have to pay the balance of that; which I'm hoping I'll have gotten my checks by the time it's due. So far I've been really lucky when it comes to money and even when I've been very poor, I've had enough to pay my bills and eat. So I'm sure this will work out as well.
Ok, I'm going to bed so I can get up at the asscrack of dawn to play with my 'I fucking LOVE the morning' child (which is also 'I'm not so sure you are my child' time). :)
What I didn't imagine was how much sad stories about kids would affect me now. I seriously can start crying at commercials for shows involving bad things happening to kids. I imagine horrible things happening to Xander and have to calm myself down often. I'm crazy emotional with anything related to that.
On other topics, I haven't had to pump for 3 weeks as of next Tuesday. My boobs still feel like there is some milk in them and I have leaked a few drops every now and again, but I haven't felt any pain or discomfort for a while. I'm totally thrilled to not have to hook myself up to the machine, but I'm feeling really weird mommy guilt for not doing it longer. I know that I could probably start pumping again and get my supply back up at least enough to feed him, but I also know that it's not the right thing for me. Once I go a month without pumping I'm going to start looking into getting back on my antidepressants. I think I'm really needing them.
I had to replace the roof on the duplex so I'm back in crazy debt again. It sucks to worry about money. Of course this happened right after I lose my cushy gig at a school so I don't have any way to really know how much work I'm getting. I need to get my name on some other agency's lists anyway to get enough work for moving back to Tucson. So I guess this is more reason to do it. It just sucks having to drive all over the valley spending all day away from home and Xander to get less hours paid than I was before. But, I've been doing this since I moved up here; doing school gigs and losing them (never my fault, always the district hiring directly or the student leaving that school). I only have a few more medical bills left from having Xander and his time in the hospital at a month old. Once that's paid off then I have my credit card debt. I've maxed out both cards now with the roof replacement and I still have to pay the balance of that; which I'm hoping I'll have gotten my checks by the time it's due. So far I've been really lucky when it comes to money and even when I've been very poor, I've had enough to pay my bills and eat. So I'm sure this will work out as well.
Ok, I'm going to bed so I can get up at the asscrack of dawn to play with my 'I fucking LOVE the morning' child (which is also 'I'm not so sure you are my child' time). :)