the purest of release
It's been a while since I have posted a seemingly upbeat and real blog, so what better time then now to do so. The past few months I have been a completel wreck...internally and externally. I have gotten lost in a lot of things i used to use to have fun...and now they have turned into an escape from my emotional and mental pain that i cannot deal with. Until now. Call it fate. Call it whatever you would like to call it, it hit me all of a sudden a few minutes ago...while talking to someone I haven't talked to in a good while. Even though me and this person barely talked all that often we were still cordial with each other and so on and so forth. So I turned on my Itunes and began just going through and listening to random songs I haven't listened to in a long time. And this song...this one song...by one of my favorite bands came on (lyrics to come later on, of course) Sand Dollar by Stavesacre. Every word of every line of that song embedded itself into me...all at once and it completely overwhelmed me. It was one of those things that has to happen to you before you can even comprehend the feeling. And it is an amazing release...a complete and glorious release.
Over the past few months I have been fucked with, lied to, had my head and heart screwed with...and yeah, you're damn right I've done the same to others. It's a vicious cycle. Once it starts it cannot stop unless you want it to. Well it is stopping right now. My grievances with others are gone. I am beginning another methodical cut f people out of my life...and , in my honest opinion, they are nothing lost...just cut away. They are nothing but dead weight to me. I am feeling better now then i have in a very long time.
"And where have I been?
Too much is me and mine
Too much is wasting time
With the cares of this life and now
I understand that I'm
I'm on my way. I feel like a man
And I, I think I like the change" ~ Stavesacre
And now for the song that kick started my heart...here you go. It's an awesome song.
Stavesacre ~ Sand Dollar
"the sun, the air, the faithful crashing of waves
carefree comforted knowing eyes watched over me
even now i taste the salt on my lips being dried by the sun
an ocean limitless, taking me back to better days
seems so far away.
somehow, somewhere i've lost a part of me
got caught up in this twisted place and lost simplicity
the things i've seen have tainted everything
i think i gave up living.
when life is stained can it be cleaned?
want to know... if i can
set aright a life that's gone so wrong
in a way, start again.
if not what is left?
i can do it on my own, i could long ago
i'm sure that i have tried
the sun, the air, the faithful crashing of waves
remind me of a child that i'd love to be again
only now finding comfort and peace
in trusting a god i'd even more that i might see
and even more than better days to trust again"
Over the past few months I have been fucked with, lied to, had my head and heart screwed with...and yeah, you're damn right I've done the same to others. It's a vicious cycle. Once it starts it cannot stop unless you want it to. Well it is stopping right now. My grievances with others are gone. I am beginning another methodical cut f people out of my life...and , in my honest opinion, they are nothing lost...just cut away. They are nothing but dead weight to me. I am feeling better now then i have in a very long time.
"And where have I been?
Too much is me and mine
Too much is wasting time
With the cares of this life and now
I understand that I'm
I'm on my way. I feel like a man
And I, I think I like the change" ~ Stavesacre
And now for the song that kick started my heart...here you go. It's an awesome song.
Stavesacre ~ Sand Dollar
"the sun, the air, the faithful crashing of waves
carefree comforted knowing eyes watched over me
even now i taste the salt on my lips being dried by the sun
an ocean limitless, taking me back to better days
seems so far away.
somehow, somewhere i've lost a part of me
got caught up in this twisted place and lost simplicity
the things i've seen have tainted everything
i think i gave up living.
when life is stained can it be cleaned?
want to know... if i can
set aright a life that's gone so wrong
in a way, start again.
if not what is left?
i can do it on my own, i could long ago
i'm sure that i have tried
the sun, the air, the faithful crashing of waves
remind me of a child that i'd love to be again
only now finding comfort and peace
in trusting a god i'd even more that i might see
and even more than better days to trust again"