i lied to myself/i swore i wouldnt/i dont even know
i dont even know what to write here. (but i promised i would)
i want to breathe smoke. (to destroy something. to black out)
it all comes down. (everything i thought NEVER would)
five question mark years? (since ive felt like this)
im an option. a choice. (not a guarantee. not a future)
ill just have to get over it. (again)
i would never. (do that to him)
i could never. (do that to her)
i want to start a fight with a gang. (to cause pain. to feel pain. to release. to know im alive)
i want to sleep until i die. (if i could sleep)
when exac'ly in the bluefuck did i decide that feeling again was a good idea. (this is what i get. thats the price everyone pays)
fuck my life. (chaos isnt always beautiful)
i want stability. (house. marriage. job. trust. comfort.)
i dont want to be nailed down. (to see the world. to be accepted.)
i want to wander. (to do what i want)
i never want to leave home. (to feel secure)
i fucking hate this disease. (.,.,.,)
why am i waiting. (im dying anyway)
im not even working towards anything. (i have no goals. no plans. i go where the wind takes me.)
14 years. (left, according to doctors. i want to prove them wrong.)
ill never prove them wrong. (i already feel it.)
im just lying to myself. (false hopes. what am i doing with what time i DO have?)
i wish someone could convince me. (thatll itll be alright)
i wish i didnt start breathing again. (when i was 18. it should have stopped there.)
i want to cry so bad. (to just get it out)
i cant even force myself to. (i cant feel anything)
i wish today never happened. (i wish i wasnt there)
i wish tomorrow would never come. (i wish i didnt have to deal)
the dam burst. (what i could put up with)
the layout changed. (jamais amour de cuillere)
why did i get no say in this. (i shouldnt have accepted it)
i want to break somebody. (but hes my friend)
i want to forget myself. (to disappear)
i regret. (everything)
ill sleep next to myself tonight. (which consists of all the people that i can trust)
i lost.
i want to breathe smoke. (to destroy something. to black out)
it all comes down. (everything i thought NEVER would)
five question mark years? (since ive felt like this)
im an option. a choice. (not a guarantee. not a future)
ill just have to get over it. (again)
i would never. (do that to him)
i could never. (do that to her)
i want to start a fight with a gang. (to cause pain. to feel pain. to release. to know im alive)
i want to sleep until i die. (if i could sleep)
when exac'ly in the bluefuck did i decide that feeling again was a good idea. (this is what i get. thats the price everyone pays)
fuck my life. (chaos isnt always beautiful)
i want stability. (house. marriage. job. trust. comfort.)
i dont want to be nailed down. (to see the world. to be accepted.)
i want to wander. (to do what i want)
i never want to leave home. (to feel secure)
i fucking hate this disease. (.,.,.,)
why am i waiting. (im dying anyway)
im not even working towards anything. (i have no goals. no plans. i go where the wind takes me.)
14 years. (left, according to doctors. i want to prove them wrong.)
ill never prove them wrong. (i already feel it.)
im just lying to myself. (false hopes. what am i doing with what time i DO have?)
i wish someone could convince me. (thatll itll be alright)
i wish i didnt start breathing again. (when i was 18. it should have stopped there.)
i want to cry so bad. (to just get it out)
i cant even force myself to. (i cant feel anything)
i wish today never happened. (i wish i wasnt there)
i wish tomorrow would never come. (i wish i didnt have to deal)
the dam burst. (what i could put up with)
the layout changed. (jamais amour de cuillere)
why did i get no say in this. (i shouldnt have accepted it)
i want to break somebody. (but hes my friend)
i want to forget myself. (to disappear)
i regret. (everything)
ill sleep next to myself tonight. (which consists of all the people that i can trust)
i lost.