rotten luck
I tell ya what i think right now i could not buy any luck.And most luck i speak of is relationship luck.My other luck has seemed to changed,i finally got a job after dealing on trying to get it for a month,its really not to much but it pays money so im atleast glad at that.But i just cant shake the alone feeling i have.Even with the new job i just have a bad feeling that im not really going to get any new friendships or anything else out of it.Not only has my luck with women gone shitty,but my friends have but disappeared.And one of them can say well we have a lot on our plates to always hang out,well he missed the point,the point is it feels nice to get a phone call every once and awhile to feel like im wanted,i try calling,i try doing other stuff,but i feel like im pulling all the line when it comes to friendships and im sick of it,its not about hanging out all the time,cause i can understand that cause of school and jobs and girls,i just remember when i was dating i didnt cut my friends out completely,i stayed and in touch,hell i think i even hung out with them more than i should have,instead of spending time with her.
Now that brings me to my relationship life.Yeah i may not be getting cheated on or putting myself through hell like i was doing this time last year,but this sucks almost as much.Every girl i have dated and ended it with has now find what they call "the best thing that has ever happened to me" guys,and im like shit,so my exes turn around and end up with good people.Hell i add a girl on myspace,or start talking to one and they end up with somebody weeks after we start talking.It feels like high school all over again,im friend material not boyfriend material.Back many years ago i had self esteem issues,and now i feel those feelings crawling back at times,like im not good enough looking and stuff like that,but now there is a added twist,that i feel im not going to be successful enough for them.Im 24 years old and never went to college and the girls that i want have to have a brain,and seems like the ones that do are all going through college or have graduated and here i am excited about getting a little retail job that pays shit while they have higher goals and ambition.I just really dont know if i could cut it through college to even try.Im not one of those guys that has to make more money than my girl,i just see girls wanting a guy that is more successful,cause some see that as a sign of intelligence,well talk to me for awhile and you will see that to be a crock.I try to use what i learned back when i turned the corner with my issues back in 2000 but anymore it doesnt help me feel any better.I see all these people in relationships,my friends for all those years that didnt now have somebody,and just seeing couples in public kinda brings me down.Im a optimistic person,but i feel kinda jilted cause i went through all that hell with Holly and i have 3 straight girls that i have been with and failed and im like just please give me something good that can last more than a few weeks,Im not looking for "The One" just one that i can last a little longer.My only hope is that each girl i have been with after Holly has gotten better with each one so my hope is the next one will be the one that lasts.
Its just with the way my life is right now,friends not around as much,losing touch with most people i use to know,the loss of really anybody online to talk to,and not having that special someone in my life,im more alone in my life than i have ever been,and quite frankly it fucking sucks......
Now that brings me to my relationship life.Yeah i may not be getting cheated on or putting myself through hell like i was doing this time last year,but this sucks almost as much.Every girl i have dated and ended it with has now find what they call "the best thing that has ever happened to me" guys,and im like shit,so my exes turn around and end up with good people.Hell i add a girl on myspace,or start talking to one and they end up with somebody weeks after we start talking.It feels like high school all over again,im friend material not boyfriend material.Back many years ago i had self esteem issues,and now i feel those feelings crawling back at times,like im not good enough looking and stuff like that,but now there is a added twist,that i feel im not going to be successful enough for them.Im 24 years old and never went to college and the girls that i want have to have a brain,and seems like the ones that do are all going through college or have graduated and here i am excited about getting a little retail job that pays shit while they have higher goals and ambition.I just really dont know if i could cut it through college to even try.Im not one of those guys that has to make more money than my girl,i just see girls wanting a guy that is more successful,cause some see that as a sign of intelligence,well talk to me for awhile and you will see that to be a crock.I try to use what i learned back when i turned the corner with my issues back in 2000 but anymore it doesnt help me feel any better.I see all these people in relationships,my friends for all those years that didnt now have somebody,and just seeing couples in public kinda brings me down.Im a optimistic person,but i feel kinda jilted cause i went through all that hell with Holly and i have 3 straight girls that i have been with and failed and im like just please give me something good that can last more than a few weeks,Im not looking for "The One" just one that i can last a little longer.My only hope is that each girl i have been with after Holly has gotten better with each one so my hope is the next one will be the one that lasts.
Its just with the way my life is right now,friends not around as much,losing touch with most people i use to know,the loss of really anybody online to talk to,and not having that special someone in my life,im more alone in my life than i have ever been,and quite frankly it fucking sucks......