Day to day habits are hard to break.
I have come to terms with the fact that I don't do anything important and that I haven't done anything worth while. Does that mean that I'm happy with it? Not really. I really want to film something, somewhere. I've got the film, I just don't have the idea. It's so lame. I used to be ful of ideas, and now: nothing. Just a void.
What is it that I need to do to fix this? What?
I also miss having a social life. Now, it's just home, work, home, work, home, work, home, work; and I'm sick of it... kinda. In a horribly depressing sort of way, I like my job, but only because of the people that I work with. There is not enought money in the Laemmle pockets to make it a worth while job if it wasn't for the people. I can't even imagine working with the people at the Falbrook or One Colorado, or Sunset (oh, God the Sunset people scare me). For some reason the TC5 (whoot!) is just my kinda place. And I feel that if I leave that job I'll lose those people. (But, I guess some of them need to get lost. And others will in their own time.) That's the reason I've stayed (that and if I ever go back to school, it's a good job to have for the open scheduele). It's sad.
But, most of all, I miss the people that I had but don't see anymore.
Elda and I are just too busy to get together or even commit to getting together to shake hands.
Richard is in Fontana, working, and getting hurt in the prosess. I never see him either. Maybe once in a while, but now I feel guilty because I'm taking time away from his son.
And that's about it. I have two friends. And I never see them.