Too much to deal with once again.
I hate days like yesterday, and I say yesterday because it's past midnight which technically changes the day. I hate days like the 5th. It started out really weird but built up to be an awesome day and I really enjoyed it. I got into my classes and they were all enjoyable and exciting and I really felt into the spirit of things. After the classes I took my friend home and hung out at her place for a little bit and had lunch. Then I left to hang out with my pal Philip for a little while, which was fun. I went back to Jenn's place at about 5:30 so we could make it to rehersals a little early. (And on a side note just so that makes sense, I'm in a play called Wiley and the Hairy Man. It's a kids show.) We got there and I along with the other actors started to warm up by stretching and whatnot and Jenn went off to go take care of tech stuff. I'm not going to build up to it because I honestly don't want to think about it but the basic gist of the situation is that last tuesday we were suppose to be off book and here we are and the only one off book is Nathan. I don't have any lines since my part is the dog so off book for me really means more blocking than lines and I have the hardest time getting the blocking down when no one else in the show can keep it going in some symbolance of what's actually written in the script. The whole rehersal was abismal and I left feeling like I'd just wasted two hours of my life. I spent most of high school drama class feeling like that. Everyone is just messing around and not taking this thing seriously and I hate that more than anything. If you're going to do something, at least try your best. I don't care if your best is absolute crap, at least you'd be doing more than some of these people are. I left to take Jenn home afterwards and I was in such a state of mind that I drove rather recklessly and wasn't watching my speed so I got pulled over for speeding. The night has been one horrible event after the next and I cannot even begin to explain how absolutely shity I feel. I also got something tonight that I'd sort of been wanting, and I don't know if you've ever had this happen to you but this is how it felt for me. There are some things that we really want, we want them so bad it hurts, but when we get it for whatever reason you wish you'd never asked for it. I know what I was previously unsure of, and I'm not sure that I like knowing. In retrospect, I knew it all along, I just chose to hope because I'd never gotten a straight answer one way or the other. It doesn't really change anything, but with all the crap that went on tonight I'm not sure it helped. I'll be glad that it happened by tomorrow, once I've had time to relax and let go of all this crap. That's one thing I'm thankful for, I'm not the kind of person that holds on to stress and stupid pointless crap. But, once I've been able to let go of all this I'll be able to better adjust myself to what I now am sure of.
Ok, so all that was raw emotion seeping out in a rather unintelligable fashion. Now that it's all out, let me see if I can re-explain that with some level of sense. Basically, I woke up this morning before my alarm went off, which was odd because I'd had very little sleep, and I was waking out of one of those dreams that the moment you become awake you forget the dream but you just know that in the dream something happened and it was something you'd kill to have back in your memory because it was so awesome even if it wasn't real. So I was not in the most receptive states of mind, then my sister trots into my room with the goal of waking me up, like that's really her buisness to do. I was slightly frustrated that she had planned to do this, but I wasn't as angry as I would have been had she actually succeeded. So I took my morning shower and got some food, and then come time to leave and thanks to some brilliant crap, we end up leaving a little later than I would have liked which put me in a slightly rush kind of mood and I hate that. Nothing really eventful or worth mentioning happend for the rest of the morning, got to my first class, Script Anylasis, and started taking down the notes that were on the board. After a little while our teacher arrived and began class. It was a good class, not much else to say about it really. After that I went to my acting one class in which we were suppose to read the monologue that we intend to work on and present to the class. I hadn't really picked one out yet, so I ended up going with one that I had picked out just to have but that I wasn't sure I'd do well at and in the end it turned out rather well. So when class ended I was feeling pretty good. Then Musical Theatre class started and that was actually a lot of fun, more than it usually is for me. The last time I had it I left feeling like I'd just wasted a good hour and fifteen minutes of my life. So I got out of that feeling really awesome, from there I ran Jenn by the post office and then I took her home. I hung out at her place for a little while and had lunch then I left for a few hours to go hang out with Philip. I met up with him at the mall and we had many a laugh and much entertainment that ended up with us at BAM looking through their comedy section. At about five Philip had to be off and I mucked about until 5:30 when I was back at Jenn's house to pick her up for the Wiley rehersals that start at six fifteen but I like to be there early for.
Basically, we both got cast but then Jenn had to drop out but after dropping out found out that she hadn't had to drop out, however they had already replaced her so at first she wasn't coming to the rehersals. Recently though, it was decided that a techy would be needed earlier than was planned and so they asked Jenn to start coming to the rehersals, so now I provide her a ride there and back home afterwards.
Anyway, so I pick her up and off we go to the rehersals, and I'm still in a really spiffy mood at this point. When we got there and after the rehersal actually got started things sort of took a wonderful downward spiral that I swear must have been going pretty damn fast because before I had a chance to blink it was like I was watching a bunch of amatures who'd never acted before and didn't really know what they were doing. The majority of them didn't know their lines, and we were suppose to be off book by last Tuesday so we're really not scoring any bonous points here. My character is that of the dog, so I have no lines. What I am really suppose to memorize is blocking since that's all I do is move. It is so freaking hard to memorize my blocking when the only way I can practice it is by doing it and no one else in the show can remember their lines right so then my blocking totally gets thrown off and before too much longer I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've barely looked at that script and I know some of these parts better than the actor portraying that character. Needless to say when rehersals were over I was not in a good mood. I had to deal with crap like this in high school and I had hoped, expected, and thought that it would be better in college but now I see how mistaken I was. So I left the rehersal to take Jenn home and being in the mood I was, and being the fool that I am, I didn't keep myself in check and I sped quite horribly and ended up getting pulled over for speeding. Thankfully the officer was one of those few who actually had morals and kindness in her system and she took pitty on me so I got off easy though I still got a ticket but I hadn't hoped of escaping that. I didn't mind the speeding ticket, really, I could care less about it. I knew it was bound to happen at one point or another, it was just a matter of time. It was the fact that I was speeding with another person in my car, and what's worse it was someone I really care about. I failed to exercise basic caution, and as a result endagered the life of someone I love, that's what really bothered me. So after that I took her home and then I made my way back to own place of residence and told my parents about the ticket. They reacted exactly how I knew they would, they shrugged it off and said not to worry about it. The rest of the evening has been me going over the events of the day, wondering how things could have gone so far off the course I thought they were on. I eventually got so full of anger and frustration that I had to vent it to something and that's when this started. The beginning of this whole thing I don't expect to make much sense, especialy the end bit of that first paragraph, that is the one thing I'm not going to explain. In fact I only put it down because I had to put out of my head some how or another but I don't really want to talk about it so it came out in that bullshit criptic way that some people do on purpose to get others to ask them what the hell they're talking about. Well be assured that I don't want people to ask me what I was talking about there because I'm writting this for me more than anyone else.
Ok, so all that was raw emotion seeping out in a rather unintelligable fashion. Now that it's all out, let me see if I can re-explain that with some level of sense. Basically, I woke up this morning before my alarm went off, which was odd because I'd had very little sleep, and I was waking out of one of those dreams that the moment you become awake you forget the dream but you just know that in the dream something happened and it was something you'd kill to have back in your memory because it was so awesome even if it wasn't real. So I was not in the most receptive states of mind, then my sister trots into my room with the goal of waking me up, like that's really her buisness to do. I was slightly frustrated that she had planned to do this, but I wasn't as angry as I would have been had she actually succeeded. So I took my morning shower and got some food, and then come time to leave and thanks to some brilliant crap, we end up leaving a little later than I would have liked which put me in a slightly rush kind of mood and I hate that. Nothing really eventful or worth mentioning happend for the rest of the morning, got to my first class, Script Anylasis, and started taking down the notes that were on the board. After a little while our teacher arrived and began class. It was a good class, not much else to say about it really. After that I went to my acting one class in which we were suppose to read the monologue that we intend to work on and present to the class. I hadn't really picked one out yet, so I ended up going with one that I had picked out just to have but that I wasn't sure I'd do well at and in the end it turned out rather well. So when class ended I was feeling pretty good. Then Musical Theatre class started and that was actually a lot of fun, more than it usually is for me. The last time I had it I left feeling like I'd just wasted a good hour and fifteen minutes of my life. So I got out of that feeling really awesome, from there I ran Jenn by the post office and then I took her home. I hung out at her place for a little while and had lunch then I left for a few hours to go hang out with Philip. I met up with him at the mall and we had many a laugh and much entertainment that ended up with us at BAM looking through their comedy section. At about five Philip had to be off and I mucked about until 5:30 when I was back at Jenn's house to pick her up for the Wiley rehersals that start at six fifteen but I like to be there early for.
Basically, we both got cast but then Jenn had to drop out but after dropping out found out that she hadn't had to drop out, however they had already replaced her so at first she wasn't coming to the rehersals. Recently though, it was decided that a techy would be needed earlier than was planned and so they asked Jenn to start coming to the rehersals, so now I provide her a ride there and back home afterwards.
Anyway, so I pick her up and off we go to the rehersals, and I'm still in a really spiffy mood at this point. When we got there and after the rehersal actually got started things sort of took a wonderful downward spiral that I swear must have been going pretty damn fast because before I had a chance to blink it was like I was watching a bunch of amatures who'd never acted before and didn't really know what they were doing. The majority of them didn't know their lines, and we were suppose to be off book by last Tuesday so we're really not scoring any bonous points here. My character is that of the dog, so I have no lines. What I am really suppose to memorize is blocking since that's all I do is move. It is so freaking hard to memorize my blocking when the only way I can practice it is by doing it and no one else in the show can remember their lines right so then my blocking totally gets thrown off and before too much longer I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've barely looked at that script and I know some of these parts better than the actor portraying that character. Needless to say when rehersals were over I was not in a good mood. I had to deal with crap like this in high school and I had hoped, expected, and thought that it would be better in college but now I see how mistaken I was. So I left the rehersal to take Jenn home and being in the mood I was, and being the fool that I am, I didn't keep myself in check and I sped quite horribly and ended up getting pulled over for speeding. Thankfully the officer was one of those few who actually had morals and kindness in her system and she took pitty on me so I got off easy though I still got a ticket but I hadn't hoped of escaping that. I didn't mind the speeding ticket, really, I could care less about it. I knew it was bound to happen at one point or another, it was just a matter of time. It was the fact that I was speeding with another person in my car, and what's worse it was someone I really care about. I failed to exercise basic caution, and as a result endagered the life of someone I love, that's what really bothered me. So after that I took her home and then I made my way back to own place of residence and told my parents about the ticket. They reacted exactly how I knew they would, they shrugged it off and said not to worry about it. The rest of the evening has been me going over the events of the day, wondering how things could have gone so far off the course I thought they were on. I eventually got so full of anger and frustration that I had to vent it to something and that's when this started. The beginning of this whole thing I don't expect to make much sense, especialy the end bit of that first paragraph, that is the one thing I'm not going to explain. In fact I only put it down because I had to put out of my head some how or another but I don't really want to talk about it so it came out in that bullshit criptic way that some people do on purpose to get others to ask them what the hell they're talking about. Well be assured that I don't want people to ask me what I was talking about there because I'm writting this for me more than anyone else.