(no subject)
For those of you that were worrying: I've stopped loosing weight. I'm steady at 138/9 which is not what I used to be but I'm eating fine now. . .just not gaining back the weight (which I'm partly happy about). I ate 3/4ths of a pizza between 9:30 pm and 9:30 am plus a few cokes and some chips n stuff so I'm back to the way I used to eat: unhealthy. . .but at least I'm eating, right?
Anyhow, I've decided that I'm going to allow myself to be completely selfish when it comes to this one thing: Graduation and everything with it. All of my cousins'(who have graduated) grandparents were able to go to their graduation ceremony but it looks like I'll be the first to miss them completely. My Mamma Jo hasn't been doing well but she's getting better and she really wants to come to the ceremony and so does my Grandaddy. . .but my mom will have nothing of it. She's too worried about them making the trip (which is understandable) and something happening while they're here but part of me still doesn't care. I want my grandparents to be there for my graduation. We've all been planning for them to be for four years now and at the last second God screws it up and it's not fair. It's driven me to the point of crying a good many times and I'm not one to cry easily; y'all know that.
And now, God decides to make things a little worse. On Thursday there's a ceremony highlighting those receiving special awards for high school. I'm getting a German Honors Award, Honor student award, (and i dunno if they're including this but) I'm also graduating with distinction. . .but now my mom won't be there. She has to go over to Mississippi now and take care of a few things AGAIN. All I've wanted these past few years is to show my parents that I'm just as good as my perfect sister and now that I finally feel like I've got something concrete to prove that God pisses it away like it's nothing at all. It just hurts and I can't help but cry even while I'm writing this.
All I wanna do is show my parents something so that they can be proud of me but now that can't happen. It just hurts and I'm sick of it. I want to go to sleep so maybe I can forget about these things for a while but I've got too many things and AP tests coming up so that can't happen.
When I die, I'm gonna have a few choice words with God and I don't care if he kicks me out the pearly gates for it. It'll be worth it to hear him say "I'm sorry" god-damn it
Anyhow, I've decided that I'm going to allow myself to be completely selfish when it comes to this one thing: Graduation and everything with it. All of my cousins'(who have graduated) grandparents were able to go to their graduation ceremony but it looks like I'll be the first to miss them completely. My Mamma Jo hasn't been doing well but she's getting better and she really wants to come to the ceremony and so does my Grandaddy. . .but my mom will have nothing of it. She's too worried about them making the trip (which is understandable) and something happening while they're here but part of me still doesn't care. I want my grandparents to be there for my graduation. We've all been planning for them to be for four years now and at the last second God screws it up and it's not fair. It's driven me to the point of crying a good many times and I'm not one to cry easily; y'all know that.
And now, God decides to make things a little worse. On Thursday there's a ceremony highlighting those receiving special awards for high school. I'm getting a German Honors Award, Honor student award, (and i dunno if they're including this but) I'm also graduating with distinction. . .but now my mom won't be there. She has to go over to Mississippi now and take care of a few things AGAIN. All I've wanted these past few years is to show my parents that I'm just as good as my perfect sister and now that I finally feel like I've got something concrete to prove that God pisses it away like it's nothing at all. It just hurts and I can't help but cry even while I'm writing this.
All I wanna do is show my parents something so that they can be proud of me but now that can't happen. It just hurts and I'm sick of it. I want to go to sleep so maybe I can forget about these things for a while but I've got too many things and AP tests coming up so that can't happen.
When I die, I'm gonna have a few choice words with God and I don't care if he kicks me out the pearly gates for it. It'll be worth it to hear him say "I'm sorry" god-damn it