no nead to read this .. i'm just being moody and pessimistic
i hate nights like this
when i hate everything and nothing is worth anything and STUFF
actually, its been like that allll day
...depressing...
i woke up and the day went so well .. i was productive
helped sara get her shit downstairs at 9
went to my govt teacher's office to discuss shit
went to my english teachers office to drop off a paper
went to the post office
got breakfast
went to class
and then it went down hill
got to the dorm -
slept
felt sorry for myself
thought
tried to keep busy with looking bullshit up online
wrote a paper (only plus)
slept some more
felt sorry for myself some more
this went on for like 6 hours, no joke
then kristin came in to talk and cry because she was having a shitty day as well .. so we kind of empathized with each other .. and i thought i was feeling better .. i thought
and dinner at chabad was awesome .. it's so nice/welcoming/yum/fun
but then i just asked my friends to drop me off at the dorms .. becuase i am in a black hole .. so dont even try pulling me out .. you'll only get sucked in too
as stupid as this will sound, i feel like college is a waste of my time.
this isnt what life should be about.
i should be doing something amazing.
and i'm not.
i go to a party. i sit around. i dont have my incredible friends here. well, only one.
this is college; and yet, i feel like its even more narsissistic and childish than high school was.
maybe it's just because this is the summer session and its bullshit.
maybe fall will be different.
why do i feel so alone ??
why do i dwell on things ??
why do i let alcohol be a solution ??
why am i being anti social ??
why can't i adjust ??
why can't things be like they used to be ??
this is what my mom always tell me:
when this famous rabbi was on his deathbed, his students asked him for some last words of wisdom. he said: "it'll be different anyway."
nothing is what we expect.
when i hate everything and nothing is worth anything and STUFF
actually, its been like that allll day
...depressing...
i woke up and the day went so well .. i was productive
helped sara get her shit downstairs at 9
went to my govt teacher's office to discuss shit
went to my english teachers office to drop off a paper
went to the post office
got breakfast
went to class
and then it went down hill
got to the dorm -
slept
felt sorry for myself
thought
tried to keep busy with looking bullshit up online
wrote a paper (only plus)
slept some more
felt sorry for myself some more
this went on for like 6 hours, no joke
then kristin came in to talk and cry because she was having a shitty day as well .. so we kind of empathized with each other .. and i thought i was feeling better .. i thought
and dinner at chabad was awesome .. it's so nice/welcoming/yum/fun
but then i just asked my friends to drop me off at the dorms .. becuase i am in a black hole .. so dont even try pulling me out .. you'll only get sucked in too
as stupid as this will sound, i feel like college is a waste of my time.
this isnt what life should be about.
i should be doing something amazing.
and i'm not.
i go to a party. i sit around. i dont have my incredible friends here. well, only one.
this is college; and yet, i feel like its even more narsissistic and childish than high school was.
maybe it's just because this is the summer session and its bullshit.
maybe fall will be different.
why do i feel so alone ??
why do i dwell on things ??
why do i let alcohol be a solution ??
why am i being anti social ??
why can't i adjust ??
why can't things be like they used to be ??
this is what my mom always tell me:
when this famous rabbi was on his deathbed, his students asked him for some last words of wisdom. he said: "it'll be different anyway."
nothing is what we expect.