[locked to those who are in the program]
Hi.
My name is Maddie, and I'm addicted to dark magic and things that shouldn't ever be. I died one time. It hurt and it was too bright. I don't want to do that again, and if I let the magic come back (if it can come back, I don't know, I never knew before) then I might die again, dragged away in fire and flame and it hurt and I woke up here. In Alaska.
When I was alone and scared, before, something came to me in the darkness. I said "yes" and I woke up and there it was, inside of me, dark magic that sang in my blood and it made me sick and powerful and wrong and it felt so good.
I remember that I had a son who was taken, and I remember that I was never born. I remember a man with red eyes and no soul. And sometimes I remember the magic and I want it back so badly that I cry, and in the darkness, I see goblins and wish they were real.
I was the Goblin Queen, once. I liked it better than being a clone of dead woman, or a broken shell that went crazy. I don't know if I would like it better than being me, Maddie, but I don't think I want to find out. But it's so hard. Sometimes I dream about it, the magic and the goblins, and I wake up aching for the very thing that I am sure destroyed me.
That's why I'm here. I don't want to want it anymore.
I'm playing Maddie by ignoring some of the weirder "ghost" appearances of her canon (because they're confusing and sort of silly, IMHO), and her story is that she was killed when she tried to kill Jean Grey/Phoenix, and she has just woken up in Alaska. She has very fragmented memories of her life before she died, and no powers or magic. Maddie used to be a pilot and there is plane outside her house, but she has no idea how to fly it.
The idea of dark magic/goblin magic is still very seductive for her, though she's afraid of it. She wants very much to be her own person, but she's struggling with guilt and not really knowing who she is, along with the temptation of some aspects of her past.
::waves:: She's a little loopy, but pretty harmless. (So far!)
My name is Maddie, and I'm addicted to dark magic and things that shouldn't ever be. I died one time. It hurt and it was too bright. I don't want to do that again, and if I let the magic come back (if it can come back, I don't know, I never knew before) then I might die again, dragged away in fire and flame and it hurt and I woke up here. In Alaska.
When I was alone and scared, before, something came to me in the darkness. I said "yes" and I woke up and there it was, inside of me, dark magic that sang in my blood and it made me sick and powerful and wrong and it felt so good.
I remember that I had a son who was taken, and I remember that I was never born. I remember a man with red eyes and no soul. And sometimes I remember the magic and I want it back so badly that I cry, and in the darkness, I see goblins and wish they were real.
I was the Goblin Queen, once. I liked it better than being a clone of dead woman, or a broken shell that went crazy. I don't know if I would like it better than being me, Maddie, but I don't think I want to find out. But it's so hard. Sometimes I dream about it, the magic and the goblins, and I wake up aching for the very thing that I am sure destroyed me.
That's why I'm here. I don't want to want it anymore.
I'm playing Maddie by ignoring some of the weirder "ghost" appearances of her canon (because they're confusing and sort of silly, IMHO), and her story is that she was killed when she tried to kill Jean Grey/Phoenix, and she has just woken up in Alaska. She has very fragmented memories of her life before she died, and no powers or magic. Maddie used to be a pilot and there is plane outside her house, but she has no idea how to fly it.
The idea of dark magic/goblin magic is still very seductive for her, though she's afraid of it. She wants very much to be her own person, but she's struggling with guilt and not really knowing who she is, along with the temptation of some aspects of her past.
::waves:: She's a little loopy, but pretty harmless. (So far!)