In The Mouth of Madness
Some days I find to be better than others, on a good day, I'm caught up in my work, my friends, a book, writing, or something I should be researching. Then I get days like yesterday, where for some reason my mind is stuck in an infinite loop where every thought seems to cycle back to you. Like some bad horror film, where I try to escape and keep ending up in the same place. I haven't given you much thought for about to weeks, why now? No, that's a lie I do think about you, normally as a passing thought though. You no longer deserve to be the object of my attention, not now. At this point I'm disappointed in myself for letting you affect me as such, but unfortunately how I feel mentally and emotionally seem to be on different planes of existence. I think it started with Ham and asking me questions about you. It got my mind wandering, and you know when my mind wanders, I begin thinkinga about things a little more than I should, I learned not to long ago, that the only way for me to avoid this domino effect is to not even start it. Thanks Ham.
When I came home you were there in the back of my head, like a joke I couldn't get. With the day off and all my friends working, I can tell you it was not the type of day I had originally envisioned. I talked to a few friends, tried to get some writing done, failing horribly may I add, reading, all of which was useless as it wouldn't be long before you crept into my thoughts again. Going through this is like having no short term memory anything I try focusing on gets erased by the thought of you, and then when I can't get around you I move on to something else. Repeat process.
What's the point of it all now? Don't know. There really isn't one, I just have to do my thing and leave things alone. Of course I'm a natural meddler so this is quite the task.
However it is a necessary evil, you don't deserve that type of focus at this point in our lives, and despite how I'm feeling I do know that there's a lot I should be happy about, and on a good day, I understand this, but on a bad day where I sleep for three hours it's easy to lose perspective.
But that was yesterday, today will hopefully be a good day.
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