~Green light blindin' on the rail~
To the future gleamin' on a blue horizon
and a golden girl on golden sand
dreamin' fantasizin' in another world
for Metroland
*************
I think I have found the source of the anger that is between my mother and I. We have fights but not the normal "oMGgz Mo00m you wont let me do NEThingg I want to doooo" things they are more about life in general. I feel pretty mature in my life I am pretty mature in my thinkings but I AM still a child whether I want to believe or my mother wants to believe it I am. I still need hugs and loves and sometimes I just dont get it. We have fights about money a lot "You are FULL of the I WANTS i cant get you things you just WANT you have to get them for yourself!" I cant tell you how many times I've heard that. My mom I think wants me to be concious of the fact I wont get things handed to me when I'm in the real world, I think shes trying to teach me now that I have to provide for myself but she may be trying a little to hard. I cant just be pushed away and I NEED to be listened to, if that is one of my needs in my life its that I really need to be heard by someone, my point of my lj. The other day I just exploded in the Barnes N' Noble parking lot she had twisted something that I had said. She wanted to get a drink wtih me I said "Yeah sure thats great then I want to go upstairs to check out this book." she made it out that I didn't want to sit down and have a drink with her so I exploded with a, "MOM I SAID NOTHING ABOUT NOT WANTING TO GO WITH YOU I JUST SAID THAT I WANTED TO GO UPSTAIRS AFTERWARDS TO LOOK AT A BOOK YOU DIDNT LISTEN AGAIN! THATS YOUR PROBLEM YOU DONT LISTEN TO ME AND YOU HEAR THINGS TOTALLY WRONG!!" it was a bad time. Sometimes I think, she tends to pass of buying me things as showing me how much she loves me "I just bought you a tanning deal I think that shows love" I need more than that. I get it alot I do get hugs she does say I love you sometimes but other times she can be distant. But she is my mother, I do need to love her, I just think were different types of people, I'm extremely outgoing and a free thinker, mom, though she is liberal, can be straight forward and nonwhimsical at times, shes had her share of hardships in her life and I can't blame her one bit for being a bit calloused. I do love my mom were just different is all, I have a different relationship with her it has to be a more grown up relationship than most...it just simply cant be a I'm the child you provide for me. It's gotta be more mature.
On a lighter note IM GOIN' TO DISNEY WORLD COME AUGUST *DANCE DANCE DANCE* AND for some reason I'm happy about V-day which I dont have a Valentine, or as the cute 1st graders sang today Valentime, but I'm happy just cause I like the day. SUMMER SOON PLEASE
and a golden girl on golden sand
dreamin' fantasizin' in another world
for Metroland
*************
I think I have found the source of the anger that is between my mother and I. We have fights but not the normal "oMGgz Mo00m you wont let me do NEThingg I want to doooo" things they are more about life in general. I feel pretty mature in my life I am pretty mature in my thinkings but I AM still a child whether I want to believe or my mother wants to believe it I am. I still need hugs and loves and sometimes I just dont get it. We have fights about money a lot "You are FULL of the I WANTS i cant get you things you just WANT you have to get them for yourself!" I cant tell you how many times I've heard that. My mom I think wants me to be concious of the fact I wont get things handed to me when I'm in the real world, I think shes trying to teach me now that I have to provide for myself but she may be trying a little to hard. I cant just be pushed away and I NEED to be listened to, if that is one of my needs in my life its that I really need to be heard by someone, my point of my lj. The other day I just exploded in the Barnes N' Noble parking lot she had twisted something that I had said. She wanted to get a drink wtih me I said "Yeah sure thats great then I want to go upstairs to check out this book." she made it out that I didn't want to sit down and have a drink with her so I exploded with a, "MOM I SAID NOTHING ABOUT NOT WANTING TO GO WITH YOU I JUST SAID THAT I WANTED TO GO UPSTAIRS AFTERWARDS TO LOOK AT A BOOK YOU DIDNT LISTEN AGAIN! THATS YOUR PROBLEM YOU DONT LISTEN TO ME AND YOU HEAR THINGS TOTALLY WRONG!!" it was a bad time. Sometimes I think, she tends to pass of buying me things as showing me how much she loves me "I just bought you a tanning deal I think that shows love" I need more than that. I get it alot I do get hugs she does say I love you sometimes but other times she can be distant. But she is my mother, I do need to love her, I just think were different types of people, I'm extremely outgoing and a free thinker, mom, though she is liberal, can be straight forward and nonwhimsical at times, shes had her share of hardships in her life and I can't blame her one bit for being a bit calloused. I do love my mom were just different is all, I have a different relationship with her it has to be a more grown up relationship than most...it just simply cant be a I'm the child you provide for me. It's gotta be more mature.
On a lighter note IM GOIN' TO DISNEY WORLD COME AUGUST *DANCE DANCE DANCE* AND for some reason I'm happy about V-day which I dont have a Valentine, or as the cute 1st graders sang today Valentime, but I'm happy just cause I like the day. SUMMER SOON PLEASE