Hating What You Love
So I was watching Top Chef Just Desserts last night, and a woman left of her own volition, and she described how her love was cooking, but under the circumstances of the competition, she was starting to hate what she loved. As she explained her stance and packed up to leave, I realised how much I could empathise with her.
Several don't know it, but my first years in college were as a computer programming major. Even as a child I had a dream (after the infeasible and just plain bizarre dreams of being on Kids Incorporated, being a grocery store cashier, becoming a librarian, and owing my own country) of being a game programmer. I can't tell you how many half-finished games I had on various platforms, and I convinced myself that I'd be a developer for Konami in Buffalo Grove, IL.
Once I got to college, I took a bunch of programming courses, and the more I did it, I realised that in this kind of an environment, I HATED it. I hated staring at lines of code trying to figure out why the code wouldn't compile, or solving severe stack flow errors, or getting lost in my pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers.
I got an Associates degree in programming, and you know what? Outside of a few little programs here and there, I haven't programmed again since I graduated. Somehow that love was completely extinguished and I don't know how to explain it. I pursued design as I got my Bachelor's degree but now at my current job, while I still love making a kickass ad, there's plenty of other times that I loathe what I'm currently doing. I mean, I went to school to remove the genetalia off of a Renaissance-era statue because the program is going to a Catholic church? Oy.
I envy people who love what they do, but at the same time, I know I have to be doing somethign wrong -- how does one STOP from hating what he loves?
Several don't know it, but my first years in college were as a computer programming major. Even as a child I had a dream (after the infeasible and just plain bizarre dreams of being on Kids Incorporated, being a grocery store cashier, becoming a librarian, and owing my own country) of being a game programmer. I can't tell you how many half-finished games I had on various platforms, and I convinced myself that I'd be a developer for Konami in Buffalo Grove, IL.
Once I got to college, I took a bunch of programming courses, and the more I did it, I realised that in this kind of an environment, I HATED it. I hated staring at lines of code trying to figure out why the code wouldn't compile, or solving severe stack flow errors, or getting lost in my pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers into pointers.
I got an Associates degree in programming, and you know what? Outside of a few little programs here and there, I haven't programmed again since I graduated. Somehow that love was completely extinguished and I don't know how to explain it. I pursued design as I got my Bachelor's degree but now at my current job, while I still love making a kickass ad, there's plenty of other times that I loathe what I'm currently doing. I mean, I went to school to remove the genetalia off of a Renaissance-era statue because the program is going to a Catholic church? Oy.
I envy people who love what they do, but at the same time, I know I have to be doing somethign wrong -- how does one STOP from hating what he loves?