It's A New Year
I don't think I have ever been happier to see a God AWFUL year end. Last year was a disaster and I don't say that lightly. With that said, I'm going to do something quite a bit different this year.
Normally I spend at least an hour and a half or more pouring over all my entries from the previous year to give a comprehensive sorta speedrun review of how my year went. This year I'm not going to do that. Mostly because in February until... Probably about June, I vacillated between extremely suicidal and somewhat suicidal. I even had a plan in place, which was to rent a motel room in West Virginia, write four notes (one to Jose, another to Jaime, one for my parents and brother, and the last one being an apology letter to the unlucky cleaning person who found my body), take an entire bottle of Unisom and chase it with passion fruit juice. I figured between the sleeping medicine knocking me out and the passion fruit juice triggering severe anaphylaxis, that would be more than enough to end my life.
I thought about that plan a lot last year. I even went so far as to research motels in West Virginia. But as you see I didn't do it. I don't know why I didn't go through with it (actually I do know why, but I don't want to say it), but I didn't.
It's because of how depressed I was most of last year that I don't want to look back at it. Oh and that's not to say it was all bleak. I went to Hawaii (mostly under duress, but I did go), I did a panel at Otakon, which was great. I got through the worst of my depression because I have a really awesome therapist, and we adopted a cool wolf looking boy dog named Ripley. It just took a while to get to those happy parts and honestly, I am doing a lot better now.
In the last month of last year I have accepted that I will be childless and I admitted to my amazing therapist that I don't regret it, which frankly is something I thought would take years to get to that realization. From where I was in February to where I am now... It's truly night and day. I am happy I didn't end my life.
So 2024... I don't have any expectations. The only thing I want to really do is to write more and branch out into doing a podcast. No, I'm not bringing Deranged Fangirl Live back, this is an entirely new thing I'm working on, but I'm not quite ready to talk about yet, so stay tuned. Also, I'm working towards making new friends and/ or at least trying to be a lot more sociable.
Last week I went to a little discussion at the local library and it felt good to interact with people. I'll be doing that a lot more often. So things are looking up and I would like it to remain that way.
With all that having been said, I know what you really came here for and that's my pick for Song Of The Year. Admittedly, I didn't hear a lot of new music. Yeah Til (Lindemann) had a new song out, but I didn't really like it and there wasn't a whole lot that grabbed me musically this past year. But the one song I strangely enjoyed was one of my Zumba routine songs, Mueve y Sacude, so that's my Song Of The Year choice for 2023.
So welcome 2024. Please, for the love of all that is crispy Jesus, be a good year! Because I don't think I can deal with another fucked over year.
Normally I spend at least an hour and a half or more pouring over all my entries from the previous year to give a comprehensive sorta speedrun review of how my year went. This year I'm not going to do that. Mostly because in February until... Probably about June, I vacillated between extremely suicidal and somewhat suicidal. I even had a plan in place, which was to rent a motel room in West Virginia, write four notes (one to Jose, another to Jaime, one for my parents and brother, and the last one being an apology letter to the unlucky cleaning person who found my body), take an entire bottle of Unisom and chase it with passion fruit juice. I figured between the sleeping medicine knocking me out and the passion fruit juice triggering severe anaphylaxis, that would be more than enough to end my life.
I thought about that plan a lot last year. I even went so far as to research motels in West Virginia. But as you see I didn't do it. I don't know why I didn't go through with it (actually I do know why, but I don't want to say it), but I didn't.
It's because of how depressed I was most of last year that I don't want to look back at it. Oh and that's not to say it was all bleak. I went to Hawaii (mostly under duress, but I did go), I did a panel at Otakon, which was great. I got through the worst of my depression because I have a really awesome therapist, and we adopted a cool wolf looking boy dog named Ripley. It just took a while to get to those happy parts and honestly, I am doing a lot better now.
In the last month of last year I have accepted that I will be childless and I admitted to my amazing therapist that I don't regret it, which frankly is something I thought would take years to get to that realization. From where I was in February to where I am now... It's truly night and day. I am happy I didn't end my life.
So 2024... I don't have any expectations. The only thing I want to really do is to write more and branch out into doing a podcast. No, I'm not bringing Deranged Fangirl Live back, this is an entirely new thing I'm working on, but I'm not quite ready to talk about yet, so stay tuned. Also, I'm working towards making new friends and/ or at least trying to be a lot more sociable.
Last week I went to a little discussion at the local library and it felt good to interact with people. I'll be doing that a lot more often. So things are looking up and I would like it to remain that way.
With all that having been said, I know what you really came here for and that's my pick for Song Of The Year. Admittedly, I didn't hear a lot of new music. Yeah Til (Lindemann) had a new song out, but I didn't really like it and there wasn't a whole lot that grabbed me musically this past year. But the one song I strangely enjoyed was one of my Zumba routine songs, Mueve y Sacude, so that's my Song Of The Year choice for 2023.
So welcome 2024. Please, for the love of all that is crispy Jesus, be a good year! Because I don't think I can deal with another fucked over year.