These are my confessions...

[aaashwie]

I have loved more men in my life that I can remember. I thought I loved matt.... but he's always been a dead fish. He took my love and shoved it back down my throat. I can't handle thinking about him, because wether or I try to hate him he always will hold something in my heart. I never want him back, and I'm not jealous.. he's just there. I loved Seth too but that love changed. He proved to me a long time ago that he was just my friend. I didn't mean to hurt him but I was confused. I didn't want to be with anymore because he didn't treat me the same way as he did when I first fell in love with him. Our relationship fell apart on both accounts but I was more mean. Now I know I still love jon, becauseI always have, even from the begining, he made me feel special. With just a smile or the things he said to me but I don't know how to drop that. He's hurt me on more occasions then I can remember but I still love him. now last but not least, I fell in love with the fact that me and justin had something together. It hurts me to see him now because he can't look at me without disgust. I didn't do anything wrong! honestly I don't think he cares and I never want him to know.

what I'm trying to say there is that I want to let go of the past. holding on to it is burning me but I have to let it go now. I am not happy anymore recalling the past. I have moved on maybe, I am dating this new guy named richard. I mean I like him alot. BUT I AM SO SCARED TO LOVE HIM TOO! I don't think I can love anyone else. I'm going to try to be good to him, and maybe he won't hurt me like everyone else. I'm scared to like him, he's already started shit like the others. we've already have had big fight and we've dated for only 3 days now. I want to go slow, but knowing me I try to speed it up and I blame them for it.I'm going to run with my heart this time. I'm going to let everything go and let trust him. please don't let this one hurt me. make sure he's right for me,