I checked his gun, and his chamber was empty

[a_young_legend]

[private, but hackable by just about everyone]

I want to cry. I want to throw a fit. I want to go on a rampage, and throw things, and hurt people, and say a ton of nasty stuff to a lot of different faces.

So why can't I?

I should hate Kira and Shiro, but I don't. I should want to quit fighting, but I don't. I should just run away from this place, go back to my old life, before the Evas, before father, before everyone in the EDF and everyone else.

But I want to do that least of all.

Is this part of growing up? Am I heartless? I cried at first, but now, the tears won't come. When I look at myself in the mirror, there's this determined expression I don't understand. It's like I've become someone else. Someone who's used to this. How can someone ever become used to this?!

When I woke up today, I ate breakfast, like usual. I read the comics, like usual, and watched some TV, like usual. Then I came back to the base, like usual, and... why? Why is everything so normal for me when it has no right to be?

Why is this happening? Kira, Shiro, I miss you, but I...

I want to move on, already?