Overheard in NY.
OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK
THIS SITE IS THE SHIT! it makes me miss NY all the more.
these are ACTUAL conversations overheard around New York City.
TAKE TIME TO READ ALL OF THEM. THEY'RE EFFING HILARIUOS.
Girl #1: I am, like, so obsessed with Asian guys. He is so great. I would so date him.
Girl #2: Date him? But he's gay.
Girl #1: Those are my favorite kind of Asians.
--59th & Lexington
Guy: I asked you if you knew where he lived; you pointed to Iraq!
Girl: Well, I don't know. How was I supposed to know?
Guy: Iraq is not the same as Israel.
--Duane Reade, 28th & Park
Teen boy #1: Man, I tell you, da reason France don't want us in Iraq is dat dey know the second we done in Baddad we is headed right over the border and straight into Paris.
Teen boy #2: Nigga, you'se is ignorant. Iraq ain't next to no France.
Teen boy #1: Nah man, I ain't sayin it is right up on France, but, you know, it goes Iraq, Germany, some otha country, then France, so it is close.
Teen boy #2: Ain't you eva seen no map? I'ma gonna show you when we get to school. That shit is in Africa, between Lidia and Egypt.
--F train
Guy #1: She be sucking my dick, and she all in a motherfuckin' hurry and shit. She gotta take it easy, she got to slow down.
Guy #2: No, no, no. Shit. She's got to savor the flavor. Yeah.
--27th & 8th
Teen girl on cell: ...Can you believe he wanted me to stick my hand in there and touch it?...Yeah, I did it...Oh, it was huge! He said it was really big, but damn! And it's long, too!...Uh, the head is an average size, I guess...I like how it feels...Okay, why is the spotlight on me?...Different people are giving me that "what the fuck" look...Oh, shit! Ha, ha, ha! You're right. Hold on...Chill, everyone! I'm talking about my boyfriend's pet snake, not his penis...Okay, continue.
--Dunkin' Donuts, Fulton Mall
Chick #1: Oh, you're wearing your hair open today!
Chick #2: "Open"?
Chick #1: Well, you know what I mean...
Chick #2: Oh, yeah. It's open like a brothel.
Chick #1: What?
Chick #2: It's open like a brothel.
--Barnard College
Guy: I'll have a pretzel.
Vendor man: What kind?
Guy: Plain.
Vendor man: No salt?
Guy: No. With salt.
Vendor man: Salt is not plain.
Guy: Okay, with salt. Is that extra?
Vendor man: No, salt is salt. The other is plain. Like white people.
--Central Park
Dude on cell: She was a size 16 before the baby, but now she's a 32. She went from Kermit the Frog to Snuffleupagus!...What size are you?
--Staten Island Ferry
Guy #1: Did you bring your cell phone charger today?
Guy #2: Oh yeah. Like, they be giving free electricity up in here, for real.
--Kings Criminal Court Building, Downtown Brooklyn
Blind man: Excuse me ma'am, coming through...Excuse me, miss.
Woman: Damn! Watch yourself with that fucking walking stick! Shit! And how the fuck did you know I was a woman? Can that shit tell you genders too? Ha, ha!
Blind man: Not quite, but you smell like stale fish so I figured you were a woman. Have a nice day!
--E train
Guy #1: So you don't eat beef, huh?
Guy #2: Nah, man.
Guy #1: You're that religious that you don't eat beef?
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
Guy #1: Well, you've got cheese on your grilled chicken, what about that?
Guy #2: What about it?
Guy #1: Well, you're killing the cow.
Guy #2: No, I'm not...
Guy #1: Oh, well, what about cows that drink cow's milk?
--Hayden Dining Hall, Washington Square West
Woman #1: Excuse me, how do I walk to the other side of the Brooklyn Bridge?
Woman #2: Just do it.
--Downtown Brooklyn
Woman: So what book does she want?
Chick: She says Julius Caesar.
Woman: What's that?
Chick: Is that the title or the name of the author? Call her and ask her. I can't find it.
--Target, 225th Street
Old man: I'm a pretty good driver when I'm drunk.
Old woman: I don't think so.
Old man: You just don't like how fast I go.
Old woman: ...I don't think so.
Old man: Oh, the endless debate. He, he, he.
--Saurin Parke Cafe, West 110th Sreet
Guy #1: Yo man, he ain't got no job and he don't take care of his kids.
Guy #2: I know, but he'll learn the hard way; we did.
Guy #1: He been to prison twice already; what else he got to learn?
--Penn Station
Tech guy #1: I left my bike at the PATH station over the weekend.
Tech guy #2: Was it stolen?
Tech guy #1: No, but all the wheels are missing.
--Office, Madison & 47th
Girl #1: I was thinking about getting Slim-Fast, because I thought I needed it, but now I only drink water...Oh, and orange juice!
Girl #2: ...And lots of beer and liquor.
Girl #1: Oh yeah, and lots of beer and liquor.
--G train
Teen girl: I am pregnant again. How does this keep happening to me?
Teen boy: Ever thought of keeping your legs crossed?
Teen girl: How would that solve anything?
Teen boy : Huh?
--6 train
Queer #1: I woke up this morning with a used condom hanging from my ass. Was that you?
Queer #2: You are so disgusting.
--Cilantro's, 89th & 2nd
Dude #1: Going to NYU is interesting.
Dude #2: No, getting a girl pregnant is interesting.
--Washington Square South & LaGuardia
Guy #1: Do you think I'm too sensitive?
Guy #2: I...uh...don't understand the question.
--Broadway & Fulton