And Maybe When He Dreams He'll Dreams of Me

[slayergal_faith]

Sighing, I realized, I’d been all over the place, probably not making sense, I wanted him to know that the holidays always excited me; but this is the first time I’d ever let anyone see that

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[slayergal_faith]

I think we deserve some time of from life as we know it, don’t you?” His phrase stuck in my head, as I snuggled up against him. Making a mental note, that he was going to have to start coming to bed naked, the idea of skin against skin gave me fine chill bumps, I loved thinking about that, and for a moment, I was lost in it, trying to remember what being next to him, really next to him felt like.

Intimacy was hard for me, and letting someone close, well that was another one of those things I didn’t do well. This just felt so right; his being in my space, there was a comfort. I’d always want to cuddle like this even if that’s all we did.

“Wes, I’m not sure how well I can do that, I mean, that’s just about all I’ve ever know. Even when I was in ‘B town, before the whole slayer gig, life was all about self preservation.”

Snuggling closer to him, I could feel his body heat, and I felt like a kitten lying content by the fire.

“Have I said thank you for not givin’ up on me?” Leaning in I kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Wes,” I purred quietly. “I hope it’s a white Christmas,” and I really did, my eyes suddenly heavy with sleep.

[watcher_pryce]

“You’ll manage,” I say with conviction. Before, before all this went down, before I gotten to know Faith better, I would never have said that. Back then Faith was nothing more but a bully who would use violence when she didn’t get her way. Or would just give up. Of course back then I didn’t know anything about her and she to me was nothing more then a mere weapon.

Back then she didn’t know anything about me either, and in retrospect I realize that *I* didn’t know anything about myself either. I’d been so lost for so long without realizing it. Faith though, Faith made me realize whom I really am and come to terms with whom and what I was. Or wasn’t.

“Besides,” I continue, “You’ve me now as well to help you self preserve. We can help each other to preserve, because that’s what partners do.” Partner’s, a team. The team we were mean to be but never became. Tragedy had to strike first before both our eyes were opened and we found what we’d been looking for had been there all along. Right there, staring in our faces.

Wrapping my arms around her, I smiled when she snuggled closer. Another side of her I hope on one else ever gotten to see. Another side of her I wanted to keep all to myself. Faith was a closeted snuggler, which made me grin from ear to ear. A grin that faded to a soft perplexed smile when she thanked me and gave me the gentlest of kisses.

“You didn’t give up on me when everyone else did,” I pointed out, which was probably not the way she saw it. I did though. When everyone had abandoned me, and I’d come to her for help with Angelus. She didn’t judge me, she didn’t ask questions, she just accepted it all and stood by my side.

“Now sleep. When we wake up we can plan our trip and make bloody well sure it’s going to be a white Christmas. Since that’s not going to happen here in California, we’ll go to the white Christmas ourselves.” Leaning in, I kissed her forehead and then snuggled closer to her and into the pillows.

“Sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up,” I whispered. Now if only I could convince myself that she would still be here when I woke up, and this all didn’t turn out to be another dream. Nightmare.

[slayergal_faith]

In his arms, the world simply slipped away into nothing, into the sweetness that had been missing from my life. There was contentment in his arms, something so much more than sex.

When I slept, it was the best sleep I could ever remember happening, I didn’t wake up 3847498589357393059849284948 times to check out the clock, or stop to listen for the next big bad that might be attacking. For once, I slept the sleep of the dead, not a coma or drug induced sleep, a sleep without nightmares, with out worry. I was the closest to being a normal girl that I’d ever get.

Never one long for sleeping, on waking I was rested and ready to go slaying, but I didn’t want to go. For once, I wanted to stay in bed all day, and do all the things a couple would do. Except the burning part, if we made a meal, well I was never one with the cooking, so I’d probably burn it, and he, loving me would eat it, burn and all. The realization that he did love me, made me grin, it was all I could do to contain my happiness.

Happy, I was finally happy. My brain told me this wouldn’t last for long, that Wes was under some spell, but I made a pact with myself not to question but to accept it for what it was and for as long as it would last. I got on everyone’s nerves in the end, and one of us would leave, people always left me, or I’d get scared and I’d leave, but the fear, it just wasn’t here with him.

Easing myself out just a bit, I manoeuvred myself so I was up on one elbow, so I could watch him sleep. I vowed to chase his demons away, whatever they were. As he slept, I watched him, for once someone was watching over him. Then and I there, in the quietness of the early morning, I promised him if it came to it, I’d die for him.

Content, my eyes began to feel heavier, and I had to admit, I wasn’t quite over my ordeal, and before I knew I’d drifted back off to sleep.

[watcher_pryce]

Sleep. It was easier said then done. At least for me. I’d not really slept properly since Faith had fallen pray to this… thing. Since she’d gotten into this coma that never seemed to end. Most of the time I had spend at the hospital, dozing off in the uncomfortable chairs, or later the cot they had put in the room once it became clear that I had no intention of leaving her alone any time soon. For more then a year, that was all the sleep I’d gotten.

And now that she was back, alive, well and awake though in dire need of actual rest I was afraid to sleep. Afraid that if I closed my eyes and opened them again this would all turn out to be a dream. Faith would still be in a coma, still be in that bed with some machines hooked up to her to provider her with the basic needs she no longer could take care of herself. But a year or longer of no proper sleep and then the excitement of today… I was exhausted.

I watched Faith drift off to sleep, slowly but surely, until she looked so peaceful I had to put my hand over her heart to make sure it was breathing. She had never looked this peaceful when she’d been in that coma. Putting my head on her chest, my ear on her heart, I let my eyes close and the exhaustion of the year take me over. No longer could I keep my eyes open, both of them fluttering closed until I could no longer force them open.

How long I’ve slept I’ve no idea. All I know is that the dreams where there again, the nightmares. Only this time they were vague, as if one was walking through a thick fog and can’t really see anything more then the hand you’re holding up. I woke up with a pounding headache and worry aching in my chest. Laying still, I concentrated on the body beneath me, my arms wrapped tightly around her as I listened to her heartbeat. For a few antagonizing moment I couldn’t hear one but then finally the steady thump, thump of her heartbeat filtered through making me sigh in relief.

[slayergal_faith]

Peace, it isn’t something a slayer has much of, but that’s how I felt right now, at peace with myself and with him. Feigning sleep, there I lay in his arms, for once in my life, content, and okay to be still to be with him. If we were stranded on an island, he would be enough for me that thought filled me in a way that I’d never known. All along he had been the one, granted, at first he wasn’t couldn’t be it for me. But he changed in LA, became the man he was destined.

My lips curled into a happy smile, one I don’t think I’d ever smiled before. If I could make a wish it would be that the days ahead would be easy, and even if I could walk away for what, I’d been called to do, I couldn’t stay away, just as much as he would always do the right thing, for me things would always be shades of grey. So I’d have to keep saving the world, and make sure neither of us died in the process.

I didn’t regret leaving the group, or having had an affair with Spike. The women were all self-absorbed, and having to live in a room listening to Buffy and Spike get it on, wasn’t appealing. Besides, they’d given up on me, what the fuck was that all about? Sleeping with Spike and yeah the vamp could keep it up forever, and as much fun as it was, that is what it was … just fun, and I hated to admit it, empty.

In all of this, I’d changed, I was still me, but better at least I hoped so, better and smarter. Hopefully smart enough not to get us killed. My thoughts random, flowing danced about like fireflies on a summer evening.

The warm sun’s yellow fingers streamed in through the window, signalling morning. “Wake up sleepy head,” I commanded, kissing him on the head, sliding out of his arms and out of the bed. “We’ve got things to do,” I called over my shoulder, I’d wanted to bask in the pure delight of being in his arms, but Faith and reflection, not a good thing, I was a gal of action. The action I wanted was Wes action, but there would be time for that and we had plans to make.

Tucking my legs up under me, Indian style, the phone in hand I began dialling. “Get up already will ya?” Soon, I was impatient, dealing with suit, after suit as I informed the Council types of my plans. They were either behind or against us, and since Buffy seemed to be more interested in sleeping with Spike, and not saving the world, I was now ‘the slayer,’ a satisfied smirk danced over my lips, my eyes dancing. “Ya, and I gotta have a watcher, he’s gettin’ paid too.” I might now have a college education, but I had learned a thing a two and I was a very valuable commodity.

Gratefully I took the coffee Wes offered, trying not to slurp it as I finished my last call. “It’s a set, we work for the Council, we actually, they kinda work for us.” Wrapping my arms around him, naked I climbed into his lap. “So now we get paid for our services, well except for servicing each other.” It was out there, I had to take it, giggling I continued. “We have to go to Cleveland, a rather vicious Uaeb demon has been sighted. I’ve never heard of ‘em that’s where you come in.” I was quite content not to move from my place on his lap, I half expected him to ask what I wanted for Christmas.

[watcher_pryce]

“Hmmpf?” I made a disappointed sound when Faith started to move around in the impatient way only Faith seemed to master. At least I had been right when I told her she needed some rest. The problem was, with her Slayer healing and her quick recuperation, that I needed more rest. It didn’t feel as though I had actually slept and with my mortal body I doubted I’d actually feel rested in quite a while. Maybe a vacation was just what the doctors ordered.

She pushed me off of her and I stumbled out of bed. Squinting at her I grabbed my robe and raised an eyebrow when she grabbed the phone. Who was she going to call? My first thought was Angel but when she started making council related demands I realized she was talking to some Council figurehead. I quickly made myself scares, out of the room and trying not to feel hurt, or past over.

Faith was a big girl now, she didn’t need me to handle every little thing. Even if they were Council related - bunch of wankers - and I was supposed to be her watcher. It was painful to realize that she probably got more done then I would’ve at any rate where the Council was concerned. To them I was still this renegade who betrayed them. Not just once, but several times. The last time, even though they didn’t know it, was when I shot my father.

I wasn’t brooding when I stepped into the kitchen, making some tea and coffee as if on autopilot. Which was strange, to be on autopilot when I hadn’t been for nearly a year. I had still made tea, but I had stopped making coffee weeks after Faith had fallen into her coma. Leaning against the sink I tried to ignore her voice wafting in from the bedroom while I waited for the coffee and tea to be done. It would seem though that she did get a lot of her demands agreed to.

Trying to hold onto the relaxed state I had felt last night was getting harder and harder. I firmly told myself to stop acting like a bloody child who had to watch while other children were getting what he wanted. It wasn’t like that and I’m sure hadn’t been Faith’s intent. Grabbing the mugs of tea and coffee, I padded back to the bedroom and handed one to Faith while sitting down on the bed.

“Oh,” I said, studying my tea as though it were the most interesting thing in the world. Pulling my arms out of the way when she climbed into my lap, I plastered a smile on my face when I dragged my head up to look at her. “What about our vacation then?” I asked, sipping my tea while trying not to ogle my Slayer, my free arm slipping around her waist. “Or are we already punching Council clock hmm?”

[slayergal_faith]

“Yeah, well about that,” I blushed a little, “you seemed all worried about the money thing, so you know me, action gal, I kinda took care of it. So to pay for this vaca, we gotta kill the nasty, and then after us it’s whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do. Figure we can kill this thing fast.” Leaning my head against his chest, it felt as if we’d done this everyday for … not forever, but a long time.

“You’d be proud of my negation skills, seems B’s not with the slayer gig anymore, at least not actively, so keeping me aligned with ‘em, well, they don’t want a rouge slayer,” from this angle I could see the scar on his neck, I wanted to kiss it, love him whole, but that was something he had to do on his own, instead I moved the index finger of my right hand to trace the line of his lips.

“But, from now on, you deal with ‘em, not my thing, and you’re the watcher, my watcher,” I smiled as I thought of that. “I love that you’re my watcher.” And I did love the idea.

[watcher_pryce]

She’s blushing again, full body flush too from what I can see. And rambling. It’s a world of cute which I know better then to say out loud. I value my life and with Faith nearly being a hundred percent and all, she may just tear my head of if I said that. Love or no love, I don’t think she fancies being called cute. Neither would I, but since I’m anything but cute, I don’t have to worry about that.

In order to keep myself from blurting it out anyway, I take a few sips of my tea while she rambled on. Hot breath tickling my chest, the hand that which had curled around her waist moving up and down a bare back. Soft. Warm. Alive. And if the deities granted it, all mine.

Her words made sense. Even though I didn’t like them. I despised the Council. They were the ones who nearly turned me into a failure of a man. Correction, more of a failure then I already am. I am a product of their upbringing and there are some things you just cannot unlearn as they say. I was stuck with some annoying little habits that even annoyed me, for the rest of my life.

“I doubt I’ll get anything done with them, love,” I murmured, leaning back to put my mug of tea on the nightstand. “To them I’m a failure and a betrayer, Faith. I’m surprised they didn’t protest when you told them that I was to be your watcher.” Unless she conveniently left that out of the story. “So maybe you should put those very good and indeed proud worthy negotiation skills to good use and keep in touch with the… “ wankers “ Council.”

Moving back on the bed I slide both of my arms around her waist, pondering for a brief moment about the others. Angel, Buffy no longer working for the Council…again…. Cordy, Fred, Gunn. I hadn’t really seen them in over a year. Oh, they’d come by from time to time, but when I wouldn’t give up, they probably did. Again. Automatically my hand came up to rub my throat and confusion about the ‘again’ clouded me for a moment.

“Oh you do hmm?” Leave it to Faith to put me back on the ground again on both legs. “Well, I very much like watching. Especially considering the state you are currently in,” I added with a smirk, this time not resisting the urge to get myself an eyeful of beautiful Slayer. My Slayer.

[slayergal_faith]

“Yeah, do you like what you see?” I looked down, and I didn’t recognize what I saw. “Fuck,” I breathed under my breath. “I forgot I’ve been asleep for like a zillion years!” my voice was a little too loud. “Damn it to hell and ….” I trailed off, scrambling to get under the covers. “I’m fuckin’ skin and bones, how can you stand to look at me when I look like … this.” I pulled the covers up over my head.

“Fuck, fuck fuck!” That’s what I got for not paying attention and not looking in the fucking mirror.

[watcher_pryce]

“I most certainly like what I-- What?”

Quickly puling my hands away from her, I blink as she rushed under the covers, exclaiming her trademark F-word. My eyebrows rose up to my hairline until I realized what she was blathering on about. If I hadn’t heard it myself, I would’ve never believed those words to come out of her mouth.

It was hard trying not to burst out laughing, but he irony was not lost on me. Skin and bones. Isn’t that what they used to call me? I guess I still am, or am again. Considering that eating properly wasn’t my biggest priority while Faith was laying in a coma. Getting her out of it, and fighting off al those nay sayers were my main problem.

“Faith… errr….sweetheart?” I tried, chewing the inside of my cheek to keep from chuckling. “There’s nothing wrong with your body. Why would you think that? You’re just as beautiful as ever and with a little training you’d be back into shape in no time. Not! That-that you're out of shape...or...erm...”

[slayergal_faith]

“See, you are just too damn sweet to say something, I’m all wrinkly and I don’t like being wrinkly … it’s just too fuckin’ wrinkly. You can’t see me naked again until I’m all toned!” I nodded as if that would make it law. A single tear darted out, using the sheet I wiped it away. I huddled down as small as I could. “I must really look like hell,” and with that the sheet went up over my head.

[watcher_pryce]

Wrinkled? Where did she get that idea? She’s not wrinkled, just a bit thinner then usually. But that’s what you get for living on nothing but food from a tube for… far to long. A shiver runs through me when I think about how long it had lasted and how lucky I am that she’s back here now. With me. If she’ll let me.

I think this calls for drastic measures. Now if only she didn’t have this Slayer strength, or else I could push her down on the bed and show her how much I love her body. I love her. But if I try to do that, I’d probably end up with a fist in my face.

“Faith,” I sighed, pulling the covers away so that I could at least see her face. “You’re beautiful to me, and isn’t that all that matters?” Oh dear, she’s crying. I had no idea it was this serious. Frowning, I wiped a stray tear away with my thumb and cupped her face. My other hand slowly moved down her back and up again, smooth, soft skin under my fingers.

“Let me show you how beautiful you still are, love. Please. Let me love you,” I murmured.

[slayergal_faith]

I lowered my lids, attempting not to smile. There was something about him now, before it didn’t matter what he did, he would piss me off. He could have said the most logical thing and I would have wanted to punch him out, then well, we all know about my stitch, but at some point, I respected him as a Watcher, guess that was when I began to fall in love with him, but I didn’t know it. Now, it didn’t matter what he said, he just made me happy, his voice calmed me, and he made me as giddy as my personality would allow.

His comment made me feel warm and snugly and happy all over. I knew I was hot, even this thin, I was still hot, it was part of who I was, but still when he said I was beautiful, it did something to me made me feel all five-by-five.

“So you think I’m beautiful?” I whispered, eyebrows arching. “All I want to do is to love you Wes, so yes please love me,” and even softer I added, “love me forever.”

[watcher_pryce]

She reminded me of that little girl now. That vulnerable, precious little girl she probably never gotten a chance to be. My life hadn’t been fun and full of deadly games before I was even two. My destiny clear from the day I was born and with a father who would do anything to reach that goal, I had no childhood to speak of.

But neither had she. There hadn’t been a mystic destiny flashing over her head then. Just a child who wasn’t allowed to be one for very different reasons then my own. Her reasons were that of a thousand others, that didn’t make it any less horrible, or any less real. And now that I looked at her, hiding from me and glancing insecurely from under those eyelashes… I saw that little girl she could’ve been and the woman she had become.

Despite everything. Despite the odd. I could only wish I could’ve turned out half as well as she had with my own childhood chasing me.

“I think you’re beautiful,” I murmured, my heart nearly skipping a beat at her words. Faith was never one to say those things out loud, which only proved to show me how desperately she needed some form of affirmation. Taking her shoulders, I pulled her up from under the covers and then gently lowered her back on the bed.

My lips touched her neck, slowly kissing from one end to the next before moving lower. Collarbone, top of her breast, hands slowly sliding over soft skin, but for now not touching all those spots she would want me to touch. “I will,’ I whispered against her body. “Love every inch, every patch of that soft, lovely skin, love every bit of you, Faith,” I told her, gently moving down her body, nearly worshiping it.

[slayergal_faith]

Sighing happily, I wondered if things could ever get any better than this. I find it weird the things one thinks about at the most intimate of moments, how your mind can wander randomly, as mine was, it was as it were reflecting on the canvas of my life so far, the paint at times placed so carefully, while at others had been thrown, or just splotched down. The life I’d led, the things I’d chased that had eluded me and here it was all along, in a destiny I’d not chosen, in a Watcher I’d not wanted and in fact had hated, okay not quite hated but had made fun at his expense, and now I was for all practical purposes in his arms. So many times people question destiny, the powers that be, the goddess or whatever they profess to believe in, and yet in my case it wouldn’t matter how bad things got, I had my Wesley, and he was mine, and I knew it as much as I knew anything else, and I trusted him with my life.

Taking his hand in mine, I brought it up to my lips. “You are my Christmas miracle,” I purred, then my fingers began stroking the back of his hands. The mystery of Christmas was still to come, the joys of our loving making of our finally being together were about to come to fruition, basically our lives were beginning a new, and I was totally and completely happy.

[watcher_pryce]

Still muttering sweet nothings which would probably have nauseated the both of us if things were different, I kept moving down her body. Sucking lightly on the skin on her bare breast before taking a nipple into my mouth. I groaned around the hardening nipple, grinning at the response that got me. And I was only just beginning. Faith needed to be shown that I did love her and that she still was beautiful.

“Hmmm,” I hummed, hands replacing my lips and cupping her breasts. Massaging them, I kissed a wet path down her ribs, toward her stomach to end up at her navel. Before I could however, she took hold of my hand, pausing me in my quest. “What is it?” I whispered, lifting my head up to glance at her, lust and…yes… love, filling my eyes.

Her words made me smile at her crookedly. “As long as you don’t start calling me baby Jesus,” I joked lightly, knowing how serious she was with her words. Turning my hands in hers, I laced our fingers together and squeezed them.

“Now, are you going to keep interrupting my showing you what a beautiful woman you are? Or are you going along with my idea, which would involve you laying here while I worship your body. Hmm?” There was a definite twinkle in my eyes that had not been there for a very long time.