Questions...
My heart says one thing...
My mind says another...
My soul is torn into two...
The front is not a united one and therefore I am out in the open with bullets and bombs falling all around!
I am two people and I have always been.
I am back at at this cross in the road yet again.
I can see being happy either way I choose.
I am not so sure about you.
It's never been a question of completion, but it has always been a question of what is the best thing to complete!
Someone asked me, "What do you want to do?"
I want it all!
This is a classic, I want my F@%&ing cake and I want to eat it too!
Life has never been about the money I make or better yet the lack that I have made.
Life started for a purpose ... what is that purpose? Your guess is as good as mine.
There are days when I don't want anything.
There are days when I want everything
There are days when I want one thing more than the other and then there are days like today!
My job has satisfied a need... but I am not complete.
My life needs the one thing I'm going to have to give up and I am just not convinced God wants me to do do that.
The desires of my heart are very conflicted. Could I stick with the secondary goal and succeed? Yes!
Yet the primary goal will half to come to rest on the bottom of the ocean once and for all, because I won't be able to do both once my decision is made!
Hints the problem...
I have spent time and money becoming good at something that I use, but earn little more than enjoyment from.
I will spend more time and more money becoming something that gives the chance to do good for those around me earning more thanenough,but it comes a higher price than I think people really understand.
It's really hard to walk away from 30 years of focus... to focus on something that is good but it has still always been my second choice!
Last time I was here... I went one direction only to circle back to this point again, with a lot more regret and a lot less money in my account.
I don't want to do it again... and end up back here ... all the while thinking was was moving further down the yellow brick road towards dreams come true!
If I felt like a failure it wouldn't be hard to walk away, but I don't
I feel like I'm on the edge of a dream.
I feel like it's possible.
My dreams aren't high and mighty ones...
Simply a living that's all.
No fame, no fortune, just a living...
but there is always... what if... I've been wrong for 30 years?
If i had focused 30 years on the flipside... I would be on my way to a healthy retirement already!
Pratically... it is and should be a no brainer
Mentally... the price to pay is what is holding me back