(no subject)

[a_vibrant_heart]

Its weird. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the past. I mean, thinking more about it than I usually do. I'm reading this book that I got two years ago, and I found and hooked up my N64 which I played a lot two years ago. And reading this stuff, and remembering all the hours I played the game, and the conversations and stuff that happened..I dont know, just makes me thinks alot. A think going away to college was the worst mistake I ever made. I mean, yea, everybody has to leave someday, and I'm in a good place with Richard, and I am doing very well in school now. Who knows where I would be now if I never left? I just wish that I didnt go. I have a few friends left over from that year, and I love them.But besides that, I hated that place. I hate that town, I hate those rooms. I dont think I would do that again. I cant picture packing up and leaving home now, I dont know how the hell I mananged to make myself do it over two years ago. It was the hope of becoming a completely different person and that didnt work too well...

I wish I never went. I wish that stuff never happened.

I dont want to regret anything, it sounds so good when people say that they dont have any regrets. That must be nice, but I cant bring myself to live like that.

I regret every going to Vermont. I regret breaking up with Richard. I regret every meeting Derek and everything that happened because of, or with, him. Maybe if I didnt meet him, then everything would have turned out differently. I regret wasting time, money, energy, blood, sleep, paper...I want to take it all back.