Hello again journal.

[a_type_lonley]

"Hello dear, it's been a long time, what would you like to post about?"

Well people, it's been a while since i've had anything to post in here, i normally post a bit in my "normal journal" but i'm finding an interesting road. The little puppy girl at the back of my head, the one that i thought was slowly dying and stopped screwing me over..

She's back, but not with a vengance.

I won't go into any details or anything about why. I just i'm seeing a new light finally, and i dont understand it completley. It's not a bad light..

I'm just experiencing different things, and finally seeing things differently than i was. Maybe i'm growing up a little..

I was taking some more girly photos for an experiment, and i kinda cried a bit because at one point i've been so used to being more and more boyish in the way i photograph myself..that actually seeing that i could still look like a girl made me feel, not bad or anything..

but it made me feel like you can't trash yourself just because you're moving down another path. Some people can stand it, some people are better off..

But she's not going to die anytime soon, it only serves to prove me wrong about my ways . and burn holes in my existnce if i try to pin her to a wall and stab her to death til she bleeds.

That's the only reason she's a victim.
I make her that way.

Because i seem to dislike her so..
I seem to beat her to the back of my head where she lies crying and crying out for me to recognize she's still there, and while i'm "stronger than that" to listen to her, i realize finally it's time to stop hurting myself.

And if it werent for a few of my friends.. i wouldn't realize this.