(no subject)
two LA 150 words drabbles for the 150th thread on fanforum. both for 'I Do' aka 12x09. be gentle, i haven't written anything in far too long.
"What, you never sing in a car, you know, when you're alone?"
"Sometimes, I guess, but... you're not alone in the car."
Why did I kiss her? Because being there with her was like being alone. And not alone in the sense that I felt so disconnected from her as if she didn't exist - but because at that moment I felt so connected to her that she became a part of me. And I could be myself with her. Everything I didn't need to hide or be ashamed of in front of myself, I didn't need to hide or be ashamed of in front of her. It was in that moment that I realized that everything I was, all the little things that made up the man I am - she would accept. Things that once confused or angered her no longer would. I felt it. Every part of me did. And when you feel it, when you know it, when there's someone like that in your life - you just can't hold back.
+ + +
"Do you really think we should be doing this?"
"... I do."
Every first time should be like this. Even if it isn't really *the* first time, just the first after too much waiting, wanting, needing and wishing. Everything is news and everything is known, every touch is the first touch made for the millionth time. How you feel your love sipping through your fingers, your tongue, everything that is in him, around him, on him... How your bodies move together, how you're not alone. How being with him, with this guy you once thought you got off your heart and mind, is being more complete than you have ever been. How you know that right now, if you could just utter out a word or two, he'd know that you love him.
Love him. He lays beside you, your combined heavy breathings the only sound in the room, and you finally admit it to yourself. And you know he feels it too.
"What, you never sing in a car, you know, when you're alone?"
"Sometimes, I guess, but... you're not alone in the car."
Why did I kiss her? Because being there with her was like being alone. And not alone in the sense that I felt so disconnected from her as if she didn't exist - but because at that moment I felt so connected to her that she became a part of me. And I could be myself with her. Everything I didn't need to hide or be ashamed of in front of myself, I didn't need to hide or be ashamed of in front of her. It was in that moment that I realized that everything I was, all the little things that made up the man I am - she would accept. Things that once confused or angered her no longer would. I felt it. Every part of me did. And when you feel it, when you know it, when there's someone like that in your life - you just can't hold back.
+ + +
"Do you really think we should be doing this?"
"... I do."
Every first time should be like this. Even if it isn't really *the* first time, just the first after too much waiting, wanting, needing and wishing. Everything is news and everything is known, every touch is the first touch made for the millionth time. How you feel your love sipping through your fingers, your tongue, everything that is in him, around him, on him... How your bodies move together, how you're not alone. How being with him, with this guy you once thought you got off your heart and mind, is being more complete than you have ever been. How you know that right now, if you could just utter out a word or two, he'd know that you love him.
Love him. He lays beside you, your combined heavy breathings the only sound in the room, and you finally admit it to yourself. And you know he feels it too.