Because dolorous_ett asked for it...

[a_t_rain]

... here is the poem about an Antarctic scientist with a penguin fetish that I wrote for a bad poetry party some years ago. (It earned me some measure of fame in my graduate department, but is otherwise useful for absolutely nothing.)

A Tragic Lament for Muriel (The Penguin)

Dear Muriel, I must leave you now,
Though it breaks my heart in pieces;
But I have a wife and kids in Alabama
Who are of my own species.



In the icy Antarctic night
I found comfort in your feathers;
O cruel prejudice! Cruel society!
That won't let us stay together.

To dwell with you on frozen shores
Is my profoundest wish;
But alas! I can't provide for our kids
For I cannot regurgitate fish.

In any case, I must return,
For my research grant was cancell-ed;
How I wish I could bring you home with me
To share the comforts of my bed.

But stern are the laws of Alabama!
And sharp the penalty
For the man who, driven mad by love,
Commits bestiality.

If I brought you home, I'd lose my job,
I'd have to get divorced,
I could spend up to ninety days in jail
(Though that law is seldom enforced).

O, life is hard in Alabama
For the love that dares not speak its name;
But worse is the fear that some wretched hunter
Might mistake you for some sort of exotic game!

So please be careful, Muriel my sweet,
If you ever make it to Montgomery,
You must hide in the one place you won't stand out:
Get thee to a nunnery.