(no subject)
Billy's ashes are here. My mom was upset all day. I shaved my legs. I'm not sure why...they were haaaaaairy and it took 1.5 hrs. CRAZY NO? I had a smoothie and went for a bike ride.
ksfjdkjhfs
On sunday my mom and I went out to the tracks to see flowers that people left. I found a piece of Billy's lighter and picked it up. I didnt realize it right away but the lighter was sitting in pieces of his skin. My hands smelled like rotting meat even after I washed them.
That was the skin that took 17 years to grow. The skin I watched movies with, swam with, messed up the basement with, was a secret agent against my mom with, slid down staircases inside of pillowcases with, yelled at for kicking the tv cabnet, locked myself in the bathroom to annoy, and fought over who would use the computer with. What I want is for time to rewind and him to be happy. Even if he were here that wouldnt be possible. I guess I would be sad either way, I just wouldnt have figured it out until later in life.
flowers on the track:
the tracks at night:
anddddddddddd this last picture is kind of gruesome. I didnt know if it was appropriate or not so if you want to see it you can click on the link. It is where I found the lighter piece. Almost everything had been washed away by now which is why it was unusual to find this...but it was under rocks with the lighter:
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a34/justsupersyr/lighter.jpg
(i had to take a picture before the rain washed the last bit away. hopefully its not too creepy...fgdfd)