(no subject)
It was a rainy day, a very rainy & shitty day. One of those days that I don't like to drive much in because of the rain.
Anthony loved driving...rain or shine. So going anywhere was definately not a problem for him.
I keep thinking...
"What if he did'nt have that fucking cast?"
"What if it had'nt of rained?"
"What if he would'nt of tried to slow down...?"
These are the "what if's" that I will never get the answer to.
Anthony was one of the most beautiful people I ever knew. We got along from the first day I ever met him, never did we have a real disagreement. If anything, he was the one that was always telling me to lighten up, instead of being so "up tight". He was the only person that actually wrapped a present for me & gave it to me at my birthday party. Most everyone else just came there for the full keg.
I can't stand it, everytime i close my eyes, I picture him, in that car.
In that cold water, with nobody there to pull him out of it.
I wonder if he thought of me before he went- or if it all just happened too fast.
I can't picture everyone just pounding on those windows...just trying so hard to get him out.
I can't handle the fact that his last breath was that of disgusting green water that looked like pea soup & the fact that they would'nt even let his mother see him once he was pulled out.
I never have hoped so badly for an afterlife before. How could that have been the end?
I thought he was invinvible. If anything I thought he'd of been able to save both himself & eric.
At least he went out stoned. Thats the way he was supposed to go.
I just hope I can close my eyes tonight without seeing that beautiful face & wondering...Why in the FUCK did this have to happen to THEM.
The Rippolones. The coolest family in the world. & they... get shit on right before christmas.
I knew I had a reason for always hating christmas so much. - but right now i dont have the strength to go on my annual snoman poping bonanza. All I want to do now is sleep. The only way I get to see him now is in my dreams.
Nothing has ever hurt me this much before. Nothing has ever dug into my heart this deeply.
I feel like my boyfriend is a stranger now.I don't even know how to talk to him anymore... It's like, what do you say to someone that just lost their best friend? How in the fucking hell can you make any of it any better?
Watching him cry... That is the WORST thing I will ever see in my life.
Being there when Dan found out... I can't get the screams out of my head. I can't stop picturing him so helpless.
GOD DAMN IT! Anthony was so much better then this. HE was the one that deserved to be HERE.
I remember the last day I hung out with him. I got to take him for a drive...he told me I sucked at driving. He was right.
I wish it would of been ME.
Anthony loved driving...rain or shine. So going anywhere was definately not a problem for him.
I keep thinking...
"What if he did'nt have that fucking cast?"
"What if it had'nt of rained?"
"What if he would'nt of tried to slow down...?"
These are the "what if's" that I will never get the answer to.
Anthony was one of the most beautiful people I ever knew. We got along from the first day I ever met him, never did we have a real disagreement. If anything, he was the one that was always telling me to lighten up, instead of being so "up tight". He was the only person that actually wrapped a present for me & gave it to me at my birthday party. Most everyone else just came there for the full keg.
I can't stand it, everytime i close my eyes, I picture him, in that car.
In that cold water, with nobody there to pull him out of it.
I wonder if he thought of me before he went- or if it all just happened too fast.
I can't picture everyone just pounding on those windows...just trying so hard to get him out.
I can't handle the fact that his last breath was that of disgusting green water that looked like pea soup & the fact that they would'nt even let his mother see him once he was pulled out.
I never have hoped so badly for an afterlife before. How could that have been the end?
I thought he was invinvible. If anything I thought he'd of been able to save both himself & eric.
At least he went out stoned. Thats the way he was supposed to go.
I just hope I can close my eyes tonight without seeing that beautiful face & wondering...Why in the FUCK did this have to happen to THEM.
The Rippolones. The coolest family in the world. & they... get shit on right before christmas.
I knew I had a reason for always hating christmas so much. - but right now i dont have the strength to go on my annual snoman poping bonanza. All I want to do now is sleep. The only way I get to see him now is in my dreams.
Nothing has ever hurt me this much before. Nothing has ever dug into my heart this deeply.
I feel like my boyfriend is a stranger now.I don't even know how to talk to him anymore... It's like, what do you say to someone that just lost their best friend? How in the fucking hell can you make any of it any better?
Watching him cry... That is the WORST thing I will ever see in my life.
Being there when Dan found out... I can't get the screams out of my head. I can't stop picturing him so helpless.
GOD DAMN IT! Anthony was so much better then this. HE was the one that deserved to be HERE.
I remember the last day I hung out with him. I got to take him for a drive...he told me I sucked at driving. He was right.
I wish it would of been ME.