UNBE-FUCKING-LEVIEABLE!
You will honestly not believe this unless you read it at least twice... well some of you will probably roll your eyes and say "well yeah... he is ...." well you know who he is.... but others will be like "Who? Are you serious? He did that? Why? What? Why? Really? Is that the same guy that I know?" YES IT IS! AND SOMEHOW, IT IS ALSO THE SAME ONE THAT I KNOW AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW THAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!
So I'm sitting in a movie with my cousin right, and it's decent, I'm enjoying it, completely enthralled in the action and suspense (Batman Begins) and I'm writing down a quote so that I remember it for later...
"Inside you may still be that same great kid that you used to be, but it's what you do that defines who you are." And it reminded me of this person... obviously. Because I don't know who he is anymore... And I wish that he realized that right? So as I'm writing this, I'm completely caught off guard when his picture pops up on the screen of my phone and my phone starts vibrating. So I think I accidentally hit ignore. But I didn't realize what had happened so I checked my call list and sure enough, on the missed calls list is his name and number. So I call him back... it is a damn good thing I didn't get up and go out in the hall to do this, which, considering we were in a movie, would have been the right thing to do, but if I had done that, the outcome of this story probably would have been different and I would have been even more pissed off... at someone else.... myself.... but anyway I call him back and I'm like,
"Did you just call me?"
And he goes "Yeah... what are you doing right now?"
"I'm watching a movie why?"
"What movie?"
"Batman."
"You're watching Batman?"
"Yes, I'm watching Batman. What's up?"
"Well um... can you bring me food?"
silence
"I'm stuck in a dorm room and I was wondering if you'd bring us food."
"Where?"
"Oh... um... I don't know. Where do you want food from dude?"
some other guy in the background... then I cut them off
"No no no, where?"
"Oh... ha ha. Rivier College."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Diane......" in manipulative and an I control you voice
"No."
"But Diane..." in a sweet and innocent voice.
"No. Absolutely not."
"Fine. Whatever. Bye."
And then I HUNG UP ON HIM! No goodbye no nothing. I was fuming with anger that he even had the nerve to call me and ask me that! FUMING MOTHER FUCKER! FUMING!
So then, I sit for a few minutes and cool off and I realize how badly that conversation ended and stuff... and I start to feel guilty. Really really really really really guilty. I sit there and think, well this movie isn't that important we could just leave and get them food and go home... we have the time... and it's kinda boring anyway.... Then I realize, no the movie is not boring at all. I'm into it and I like it. And I do not want to leave. I'm tired and I'm cranky and I just wanna relax for myself for a change because that's what today was about entirely. And I think when did it get this bad? When did I get so far as to make him believe that it was ok to just call me out of the blue after almost week of not talking and months and months of barely talking at all... barely being friends none the less? Where did he get the idea that that was ok? And that I would just say yes and bow to his every whim. That's when I almost picked up the phone, called him back and told him to call his dumb bitch of a girlfriend to do what he wants her to do if she loves him so much. But I didn't. I think the conversation said just what it needed to say.... "I'm over you. Fuck off and die. I'm no longer your bitch and I no longer need your shit. I have a life, and it's not you." Well... it said most of that anyway... maybe not the die part. lol. Then I realized that I used to do just that, drop everything and cater to him. Stop all that I was doing and who I was with just to be by his side doing what he wanted me to do. There we were times (a lot of them) that I said no to things that were.... well.... either way eventually I gave into those things too.... so I used to do whatever he wanted me to do. I used to go all the way across town to spend 5 minutes. I used to bring him food to work on nights I wasn't working. I used to hang out with him until 1:00 in the morning at Dunkin Donuts. And there were times when he did something for me, but if I'm completely honest they were FAR too few and far between compared to all that I've done for him.
Guys, this was really it. This was the absolute last straw. I can't take anymore. I WILL NOT TAKE ANYMORE. Do you hear that shithead? (yeah the cute nick names are over!) Do you hear that? I don't fucking need you anymore! I don't fucking want you anymore! I am not going to take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like my cousin said, "You did it, you're the pre-him Diane again. You wouldn't have done it before you met him, and you won't do it now." I'm better off without him. I'm going to be ok and I'm going to completely find myself and what's right again.... I really am. And it may take me forever... and I may love the old him forever..... but I will do this... somehow, someway, I'm going to do this.
Because I finally let you go....
Isn't it all just unbe-fucking-lieveable?
So I'm sitting in a movie with my cousin right, and it's decent, I'm enjoying it, completely enthralled in the action and suspense (Batman Begins) and I'm writing down a quote so that I remember it for later...
"Inside you may still be that same great kid that you used to be, but it's what you do that defines who you are." And it reminded me of this person... obviously. Because I don't know who he is anymore... And I wish that he realized that right? So as I'm writing this, I'm completely caught off guard when his picture pops up on the screen of my phone and my phone starts vibrating. So I think I accidentally hit ignore. But I didn't realize what had happened so I checked my call list and sure enough, on the missed calls list is his name and number. So I call him back... it is a damn good thing I didn't get up and go out in the hall to do this, which, considering we were in a movie, would have been the right thing to do, but if I had done that, the outcome of this story probably would have been different and I would have been even more pissed off... at someone else.... myself.... but anyway I call him back and I'm like,
"Did you just call me?"
And he goes "Yeah... what are you doing right now?"
"I'm watching a movie why?"
"What movie?"
"Batman."
"You're watching Batman?"
"Yes, I'm watching Batman. What's up?"
"Well um... can you bring me food?"
silence
"I'm stuck in a dorm room and I was wondering if you'd bring us food."
"Where?"
"Oh... um... I don't know. Where do you want food from dude?"
some other guy in the background... then I cut them off
"No no no, where?"
"Oh... ha ha. Rivier College."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Diane......" in manipulative and an I control you voice
"No."
"But Diane..." in a sweet and innocent voice.
"No. Absolutely not."
"Fine. Whatever. Bye."
And then I HUNG UP ON HIM! No goodbye no nothing. I was fuming with anger that he even had the nerve to call me and ask me that! FUMING MOTHER FUCKER! FUMING!
So then, I sit for a few minutes and cool off and I realize how badly that conversation ended and stuff... and I start to feel guilty. Really really really really really guilty. I sit there and think, well this movie isn't that important we could just leave and get them food and go home... we have the time... and it's kinda boring anyway.... Then I realize, no the movie is not boring at all. I'm into it and I like it. And I do not want to leave. I'm tired and I'm cranky and I just wanna relax for myself for a change because that's what today was about entirely. And I think when did it get this bad? When did I get so far as to make him believe that it was ok to just call me out of the blue after almost week of not talking and months and months of barely talking at all... barely being friends none the less? Where did he get the idea that that was ok? And that I would just say yes and bow to his every whim. That's when I almost picked up the phone, called him back and told him to call his dumb bitch of a girlfriend to do what he wants her to do if she loves him so much. But I didn't. I think the conversation said just what it needed to say.... "I'm over you. Fuck off and die. I'm no longer your bitch and I no longer need your shit. I have a life, and it's not you." Well... it said most of that anyway... maybe not the die part. lol. Then I realized that I used to do just that, drop everything and cater to him. Stop all that I was doing and who I was with just to be by his side doing what he wanted me to do. There we were times (a lot of them) that I said no to things that were.... well.... either way eventually I gave into those things too.... so I used to do whatever he wanted me to do. I used to go all the way across town to spend 5 minutes. I used to bring him food to work on nights I wasn't working. I used to hang out with him until 1:00 in the morning at Dunkin Donuts. And there were times when he did something for me, but if I'm completely honest they were FAR too few and far between compared to all that I've done for him.
Guys, this was really it. This was the absolute last straw. I can't take anymore. I WILL NOT TAKE ANYMORE. Do you hear that shithead? (yeah the cute nick names are over!) Do you hear that? I don't fucking need you anymore! I don't fucking want you anymore! I am not going to take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like my cousin said, "You did it, you're the pre-him Diane again. You wouldn't have done it before you met him, and you won't do it now." I'm better off without him. I'm going to be ok and I'm going to completely find myself and what's right again.... I really am. And it may take me forever... and I may love the old him forever..... but I will do this... somehow, someway, I'm going to do this.
Because I finally let you go....
Isn't it all just unbe-fucking-lieveable?