All I wanna do is SCREAM....
EncantaRojo: my sister was like "jeez, he won't take his kids anywhere, but he'll go anywhere with his gf's kids"
See Nanny and her family saw my dad and pam and her 2 kids at the fair last night. And that's whay Nanny's sister, Caroline, had to say about it. And the funny thing is..... as much as it hurts, and as much as I don't want to think about it and believe it and listen to it, it's completely true. I've tried to forgive and forget, but nothing's getting any better. I've tried to let go and not care, but there are others around me that are hurting about this too. My brother and I did nothing last night and actually would have liked to go to the fair. I would have loved to as a matter of fact.... but he didn't even ask. I can't just keep it all inside. I have to say how I feel and let him know what I'm thinking, THIS FUCKING SUCKS AND I WISH HE WOULD ACT LIKE A FATHER! Even though we're old enough to care for ourselves, and even though life isn't terrible right now and where we are is good, him acting like he cares and doing stuff with just us, alone without pam and her kids, or even inviting us to stuff with them, just little things, would be really really nice. Him acting like we are his kids at least, and not just calling when he needs things and wants us to do stuff for him, would be nice. I'm not his baby-sitter, or personal taxi cab. I'm his daughter. But 99% of the time, I just feel like his employee. And I used to be too chicken shit to say no because I had this foolish thought in my mind that it would make things better. That it would maybe make him care about us again. Maybe it would make him realize that he was our dad and act like it again. But it will never happen.
Because Of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break, the way you did, you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far
(chorus)
Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid
I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break, when it wasn’t even whole to start with
(chorus)
I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing
(chorus, but slightly different)
Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I’m ashamed of my life, because its empty
Because of you, I am afraid
Because of you…
Because of you…
Oh and the other thing that is just peachy, my godmother in Florida, may have throat cancer. I guess it runs in her family or something like that and some of her family members have died from it. It's like, can I just have a break please. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. And most of my concern is for her, but it hurts and I'm scared and I'm sick of feeling like that. So that's what I mean by can I have a break please. I'm sorry if it sounds selfish and inconsiderate. I do love her and I'm really worried about her and her family and I'm praying for them the best that I can. (And by that I mean I need a restoration in my faith.) I'm just sick of it all....
And the other thing is some dumb bitch who decided to rub in my face that she got to go away to school and I didn't. And then she makes up stories and tells people that guys are like asking her out and stuff. I think it's funny really if you want the truth, that her life is so pathetic that she has to resort to lies and shit. Yeah, I lost out this time, but I have dreams and goals and I'll get there. I'm doing fine, and with everything that's going on it's best for me to stay here anyway.... too much family stuff for me to go away.... at least until my grandmother is done with radiation. So shut the fuck up until you learn the facts. No I'm not insanely happy about being home still, but it's for the best, and I like UNHM, and my jobs. So how about stop being a dumb whore and try being nice for once. Someday it may even get you somewhere.
The thing is.... I was doing so well.......... And now.... well..... I know I'll still be fine, and everything else will work out and everything happens for a reason..... but somedays all I wanna do is scream.....
See Nanny and her family saw my dad and pam and her 2 kids at the fair last night. And that's whay Nanny's sister, Caroline, had to say about it. And the funny thing is..... as much as it hurts, and as much as I don't want to think about it and believe it and listen to it, it's completely true. I've tried to forgive and forget, but nothing's getting any better. I've tried to let go and not care, but there are others around me that are hurting about this too. My brother and I did nothing last night and actually would have liked to go to the fair. I would have loved to as a matter of fact.... but he didn't even ask. I can't just keep it all inside. I have to say how I feel and let him know what I'm thinking, THIS FUCKING SUCKS AND I WISH HE WOULD ACT LIKE A FATHER! Even though we're old enough to care for ourselves, and even though life isn't terrible right now and where we are is good, him acting like he cares and doing stuff with just us, alone without pam and her kids, or even inviting us to stuff with them, just little things, would be really really nice. Him acting like we are his kids at least, and not just calling when he needs things and wants us to do stuff for him, would be nice. I'm not his baby-sitter, or personal taxi cab. I'm his daughter. But 99% of the time, I just feel like his employee. And I used to be too chicken shit to say no because I had this foolish thought in my mind that it would make things better. That it would maybe make him care about us again. Maybe it would make him realize that he was our dad and act like it again. But it will never happen.
Because Of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break, the way you did, you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far
(chorus)
Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid
I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break, when it wasn’t even whole to start with
(chorus)
I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing
(chorus, but slightly different)
Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I’m ashamed of my life, because its empty
Because of you, I am afraid
Because of you…
Because of you…
Oh and the other thing that is just peachy, my godmother in Florida, may have throat cancer. I guess it runs in her family or something like that and some of her family members have died from it. It's like, can I just have a break please. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. And most of my concern is for her, but it hurts and I'm scared and I'm sick of feeling like that. So that's what I mean by can I have a break please. I'm sorry if it sounds selfish and inconsiderate. I do love her and I'm really worried about her and her family and I'm praying for them the best that I can. (And by that I mean I need a restoration in my faith.) I'm just sick of it all....
And the other thing is some dumb bitch who decided to rub in my face that she got to go away to school and I didn't. And then she makes up stories and tells people that guys are like asking her out and stuff. I think it's funny really if you want the truth, that her life is so pathetic that she has to resort to lies and shit. Yeah, I lost out this time, but I have dreams and goals and I'll get there. I'm doing fine, and with everything that's going on it's best for me to stay here anyway.... too much family stuff for me to go away.... at least until my grandmother is done with radiation. So shut the fuck up until you learn the facts. No I'm not insanely happy about being home still, but it's for the best, and I like UNHM, and my jobs. So how about stop being a dumb whore and try being nice for once. Someday it may even get you somewhere.
The thing is.... I was doing so well.......... And now.... well..... I know I'll still be fine, and everything else will work out and everything happens for a reason..... but somedays all I wanna do is scream.....