He didn't quite know where to look for her. Or, rather, Calvin knew where she should be, but Carrie didn't seem to be in any of the places he looked for her
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Carrie was actually on her way out of the compound just then. Her copy of The Swiss Family Robinson was still tucked underneath her arm as she headed towards the beach. Today her hair was even tied back- a secure ponytail at the nape of her neck that she'd taken to wearing lately. She hadn't seen Calvin since Valentine's day, and hadn't expected to see him just then.
He smiled at her for a moment when he sees her. It's still Carrie, and there's still that twist of excitement in his stomach when he sees her. That just makes him feel guiltier.
"Hey Carrie," he said as his expression fading serious. "Got a minute? Got to talk to you for a bit."
He swallowed, looking at his feet for a second before looking back up at her eyes. Calvin...didn't have any idea where you were supposed to look when you had to tell someone that your girlfriend came from their home dimension to pop onto the island unexpectedly.
"Carrie, she- someone from home showed up two days ago. My...her name is Meg." There was something about the way he said her name, said 'Meg', that made it clear she wasn't just some girl from home.
"M..Meg?" She asked, voice a little unsure. She glanced down at her feet, and for some reason, felt her stomach clench and then drop. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard Momma's voice pulling out a dozen 'I told you so's'.
But like every other time since she'd been on the island, she pushed it away.
"Margaret, really, but she gets all finicky when you call her that, so it's just Meg..." He cut himself off when he realized when he was rambling because, really, Carrie didn't care a bit about her name.
Just own up to it, O'Keefe. He made his bed and now he had to lay in it.
"She's my girl, Carrie," he said softly. "Has been before I met her, I expect. And now, suddenly, she's here."
And there it was, Momma's voice, loud and resonant again (Praytogodandaskforforgiveness,carrie!!!! YOU ONLY GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED!) only much harder to push away now. She was staring at him, wide-eyed and almost disbelieving, a deer in headlights who didn't know whether to run left or right.
She was trying hard not to let herself think about what this meant.
His heart was beating and his palms were sweating, but Calvin kept looking her in the eye. Because, God damn it, it was his fault she looked like that, so he could at least keep his eyes on her.
"It's...God, Carrie, you are still my very favorite person I've met here. And I'd still jump through any sort of hoops, hoops that are on fire or with spikes or anything, to see you smiling. They just...need to be friendship hoops, now. Because Meg's here."
He swallowed, and now he did look away. "I know I'm about the biggest jerk in the world, and I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again. But I still like you fiercely, Carrie, and I wanted to be honest with you."
It was the bucket again. The bucket and the laughing and Tommy Sue Chris and everyone else. Because only a few weeks ago, they had been sitting on the steps of the compound, her cheeks about to burst from all the smiling she was doing.
She clutched the beaded necklace around her neck, only now it seemed dirty and wrong. Like it had all been a lie again and she'd let herself be the butt.
"You never told me." She finally said, her voice quiet and cautious, shaking at the edges.
"I...I didn't think about her when I was with you." That was true, whatever it sounded like. Carrie and Meg had always existed in separate spheres in his head. Calvin didn't quite know what to do with them being together.
He saw her hold on the necklace, and his stomach roiled with guilt. He was an utter bastard.
"I know that's not an excuse and that I should have told you," he says quietly. "But I liked simply being with you. And...I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do to fix this, somehow, I want to."
Carrie looked down at her feet and shook her head, though it wasn't clear just what she was disagreeing with. She had pulled her arms in close, wrapped them around herself and around her book.
She shook her head again, a few hairs falling out of place and into her face. It had been stupid of her to think that things on the island would be different. Momma had been right after all, hadn't she?
Carrie didn't speak, she only wrapped her arms tighter around herself, shuffling back to the compound as fast as her legs would carry her. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her cry.
He watched her go, standing still 'til she rounded the corner of the path and was gone. It wasn't like he could go after her, not when anything he did would just make matters worse.
All he'd ever wanted to do for Carrie was see her smile, and now look at her. Way to fuck that up royally, O'Keefe.
Mouth set in an angry line, Calvin shoved his hands in his pockets and started down the path the other way.
She brightened. "Hi, Calvin," She greeted."
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"Hey Carrie," he said as his expression fading serious. "Got a minute? Got to talk to you for a bit."
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Then she caught the way his expression shifted, and her eyebrows furrowed slightly.
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"Carrie, she- someone from home showed up two days ago. My...her name is Meg." There was something about the way he said her name, said 'Meg', that made it clear she wasn't just some girl from home.
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But like every other time since she'd been on the island, she pushed it away.
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Just own up to it, O'Keefe. He made his bed and now he had to lay in it.
"She's my girl, Carrie," he said softly. "Has been before I met her, I expect. And now, suddenly, she's here."
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(Praytogodandaskforforgiveness,carrie!!!! YOU ONLY GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED!)
only much harder to push away now. She was staring at him, wide-eyed and almost disbelieving, a deer in headlights who didn't know whether to run left or right.
She was trying hard not to let herself think about what this meant.
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"It's...God, Carrie, you are still my very favorite person I've met here. And I'd still jump through any sort of hoops, hoops that are on fire or with spikes or anything, to see you smiling. They just...need to be friendship hoops, now. Because Meg's here."
He swallowed, and now he did look away. "I know I'm about the biggest jerk in the world, and I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again. But I still like you fiercely, Carrie, and I wanted to be honest with you."
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She clutched the beaded necklace around her neck, only now it seemed dirty and wrong. Like it had all been a lie again and she'd let herself be the butt.
"You never told me." She finally said, her voice quiet and cautious, shaking at the edges.
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He saw her hold on the necklace, and his stomach roiled with guilt. He was an utter bastard.
"I know that's not an excuse and that I should have told you," he says quietly. "But I liked simply being with you. And...I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do to fix this, somehow, I want to."
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Just then, she wished that she could dissappear.
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"I don't know how to make this right," he told her in a soft voice. "I want to, but I don't know how."
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Carrie didn't speak, she only wrapped her arms tighter around herself, shuffling back to the compound as fast as her legs would carry her. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her cry.
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All he'd ever wanted to do for Carrie was see her smile, and now look at her. Way to fuck that up royally, O'Keefe.
Mouth set in an angry line, Calvin shoved his hands in his pockets and started down the path the other way.
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