rahrahdecember...oh and joy.
december = endofschool+midterms/papers+shopping+work+coldandsnow+dinners+gatherings+work+parties+planningnewyears+baking+work+shopping+coldandsnow+work+
christmas.
christmas.
christmas.
...
I have not had the motivation to write lately.
But I love to write. I work a lot. Manual labor + service smile = time to think about a lot of things.
Like why I don't write as much. Ten and a half hours later and I sort of figured it out. I suppose...
that sometimes what is written on livejournals or eblogs or little facebook notes are the products of
fantastically interesting experiences. or realizations. or are from times when life is so good you can write honestly about it.
sometimes I wait for those times to write. enthusiasm is to sheralyn as lucy in the sky with diamonds is to the beatles.
I drove to work yesterday angry. no. not angry. but cynical, sarcastic...just in a sour mood. except it wasn't a mood.
i was my attitude as it's been for a while. especially when going to work.
'I just feel drained' 'worn-out' 'tired of working in hospitality'
'i have nothing left to give'
admittedly I am tired of certain aspects of what I do (though I know there is a part of me that does love it)
but yesterday.
what a way to enter a ten and a half hour shift of serving people.
so I made a deal. ha. that sounds funny. but i was talking (complaining) to God as I drove down Henderson...
"I'll try to be less cynical and try to focus on the good things about today...just please let me see your joy"
let me see your joy.
in my bad attitude I thought, what the heck does that mean anyway?
well I tried to see better. and sure enough I found some of what there was...like right away how the sun was setting over the river. and how a few minutes later the song that came on was one of my favorites. and then later on while talking to one of the guests about her days as a server. and for the first time having another guest use my name and it not be creepy, but appreciative. appreciated. creme brulee was left over (which was amazing!) and seeing an old work buddy was somehow encouraging.
I think I lost the appreciation, the joy that can be found in simple things. small things.
the things that I believe are around us everyday to remind us of who we are and how much we're loved
by him.
so today.
and tomorrow.
I will look again.
christmas.
christmas.
christmas.
...
I have not had the motivation to write lately.
But I love to write. I work a lot. Manual labor + service smile = time to think about a lot of things.
Like why I don't write as much. Ten and a half hours later and I sort of figured it out. I suppose...
that sometimes what is written on livejournals or eblogs or little facebook notes are the products of
fantastically interesting experiences. or realizations. or are from times when life is so good you can write honestly about it.
sometimes I wait for those times to write. enthusiasm is to sheralyn as lucy in the sky with diamonds is to the beatles.
I drove to work yesterday angry. no. not angry. but cynical, sarcastic...just in a sour mood. except it wasn't a mood.
i was my attitude as it's been for a while. especially when going to work.
'I just feel drained' 'worn-out' 'tired of working in hospitality'
'i have nothing left to give'
admittedly I am tired of certain aspects of what I do (though I know there is a part of me that does love it)
but yesterday.
what a way to enter a ten and a half hour shift of serving people.
so I made a deal. ha. that sounds funny. but i was talking (complaining) to God as I drove down Henderson...
"I'll try to be less cynical and try to focus on the good things about today...just please let me see your joy"
let me see your joy.
in my bad attitude I thought, what the heck does that mean anyway?
well I tried to see better. and sure enough I found some of what there was...like right away how the sun was setting over the river. and how a few minutes later the song that came on was one of my favorites. and then later on while talking to one of the guests about her days as a server. and for the first time having another guest use my name and it not be creepy, but appreciative. appreciated. creme brulee was left over (which was amazing!) and seeing an old work buddy was somehow encouraging.
I think I lost the appreciation, the joy that can be found in simple things. small things.
the things that I believe are around us everyday to remind us of who we are and how much we're loved
by him.
so today.
and tomorrow.
I will look again.