Dibley/Crossover Fic - Chapter 2

[a_silver_story]

Title: Untitled
Chapter: 02
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Alternate Universe, Fluff, a bit domestic, crossover-ish
Rating: G - NC-17
Warnings: Men men men men men and more men. Okay ... two.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: Strange UFO behaviour over a sleepy English village draws out the Torchwood team ... well, Jack and Ianto. Any excuse for a mini-holiday ...

Definitely written more for the Brits, but internationals may still find it entertaining (this chapter is rather devoid of Britishness, but it is about to get very G.O.L.D)

MASTERLIST | Torchwood Index/Masterlist

FIRST PART | Chapter 1



"You honestly just don't listen to me when I talk, do you Jack?"

"Hm?"

"That's it. At the next services, stop the car."

"I was joking! I was joking!" Jack laughed. "I was listening. I really was."

"Then why did you just completely ignore my instruction to pull off the motorway at the last junction?"

"Sometimes your deep, velvety baritone distracts from your words?"

Ianto massaged his temples, and Jack flashed him a grin.

"You know what I'm gonna do?" said Ianto. "I'm gonna make a sat-nav with Gwen's voice. You always seem to do what she tells you."

"You do realise I will have no problem throwing that out of the window? And I do listen to what you tell me. You're just so subtle sometimes, it takes a while for it to get through - and of course by then I think it's my idea and give you very little credit." He shot Ianto a sidelong glance and smile.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "We'll have to pull in at the next services anyway. We have to get going in the other direction and it doesn't look like there's a roundabout for miles."

"'Kay. Wanna put the radio on?"

Ianto looked at his watch. "Erm ... as long as it's not Radio 1."

"Why?"

"Jo Whiley's on."

"Fair enough."

They ended up listening to Century.FM, and Ianto nearly cried laughing at Jack's very camp and feminine sing-a-long rendition of Kylie's "Spinning Around". It was sometimes hard to believe this man was entrusted with the future of the human race. They could have at least given the responsibility to someone with a vague idea of how to use an organiser ....

Some Hornets* fans in a van gave them dubious looks, but as Jack wound the window down and they heard the song several of them started joining in, much to Ianto's amusement.

~*~*~*~

"If you'd turned off when I originally told you, we wouldn't be in this mess." groaned Ianto, hitting his head on the dashboard a third time. "Hate traffic. Hate traffic. Hate traffic. Hate traffic ..." he chanted.

"We wouldn't be in this mess," replied Jack, wedging his hand between Ianto's forehead and the hard plastic. "but we may have been the mess under the tanker ..."

Ianto gave him a non-committal sound of agreement before leaning back in his seat and stretching.

"Fancy some Stuck-In-Traffic sex?" Jack suggested.

"The windows aren't blacked out." yawned Ianto. "And there's children in the next car. Want an Opal Fruit?"

"Yeah ... green one, please. And could you pass me the map?"

Ianto passed him the map and sweet, which he chewed noisily as he examined the little veins and arteries that made up the motorways, b-roads and larger streets of England.

"If we pull off at the next exit, we can make some of the way on B-roads and re-join the motorway further up." Ianto said, leaning close to Jack's shoulder so he could see the map and trying to figure out a route.

"Yeah," agreed Jack, trying to ignore the sound of Ianto's breathing and the heat of his body being so close. "we could ... and then ... later on ..."

"Yep." agreed Ianto, settling back in his seat and carefully unwrapping a strawberry flavoured sweet. He hesitated when he realised Jack was still looking at him. "What?"

"Nothing ... nothing ..." sighed Jack, watching the little flash of pink disappear between moist, parted lips to be caressed by that sure, gentle and so very insistent tongue ...

Jack tried to shake away the thoughts of Ianto's tongue and concentrate on the there and then. He glanced up just in time to see the car in front inch forward a little, and moved the Scorpio slightly ahead too. Ianto smiled to himself about the pointlessness of moving that tiny distance, people inching that teeny bit forward just to feel like they were actually going somewhere. Jack switched off the ignition again, and gave a dramatic and heavy sigh.

"We're stuck." he grumbled. "At least if we were the mess under the tanker, I'd still be able to actually get somewhere on time."

"If I ever go messily, I want you to tidy me up properly before you do anything else." Ianto grimaced.

"Ooo look! A heli-chopter."

"'Heli-chopter? What are you - ten?"

"Mentally." grinned Jack, bouncing on his seat to try and get a better look at the helicopter flying overhead. "Ianto, could we get-"

"No."

"Not even one with enough room for all of us?"

"No."

"Not even Airwolf?"

"Especially not Airwolf. It'll bring too much attention."

"... and the jet didn't?"

"I never said you could get the jet, and when I found you had it I made you get rid." Ianto reminded him.

"Meanie."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "The angry sex was great though."

"Yeah!"

"Can't fault either of us on that."

"Nope."

"You're still not getting Airwolf."

Jack scowled. "Fine."

~*~*~*~

They were lost. Ianto was massaging his temples yet again, and Jack was frowning at the map under the Scorpio's security light. They were in the country somewhere ... they just had no idea where.

"Try phoning them again." Ianto sighed, peering out into the dark trying to spot a landmark that they might possibly be given directions from.

"It's nearly eleven 'o' clock. Why don't we just drive on a bit, find an inn or a pub or somewhere that'll offer us a room for the night and carry on in the morning."

"Okay ... okay ..." Ianto conceded. "You sure you don't want me to drive for a bit?"

"It's fine, it's fine."

"'kay." he yawned in reply.

"Sleepy?" Jack smiled.

"Mmhmmm. You're hard work in confined spaces." Ianto smiled back. Jack leant over and kissed his temple.

"Sorry."

"S'alright." Ianto leant his head on the window and tried to get comfortable as his eyes drifted shut. "Just you, innit?"

Jack gave a small laugh almost under his breath, and stroked the little sideburn by his ear affectionately before turning his attention back to the car. With a sigh he kicked the ignition into gear and drove smoothly on, trying to peer though the darkness pressing in on all sides and listening to the purr of the engine and the deep breaths of sleeping Ianto.

~*~*~*~

Jack shook him gently, and helped him stumble out of the car.

"Where are we?" he asked, focussing on the sign above the inn. 'The Black Ladd' was embossed in gold below a painting of a black mare, reared up on her hind legs and mane blowing wildly. Behind her, in the mist, was the silhouette of a boy holding a lantern looking perfectly ominous. The horse looked frightened of the boy, eyes wide and bloodshot, its mouth seemingly screaming rather than whinnying**. Ianto didn't get it, and he had a feeling he didn't really want to either.

"C'mon, they're waiting for us inside." Jack urged him, squeezing his shoulder.

"Who are?"

"The landlord, and someone to help with bags. I'm not carrying your bags again."

There were still people in the pub, so Ianto assumed it either wasn't that late or they were invading a lock-in. They were watched as they climbed some small, wooden steps to the upper level, clearly strangers in a tight-nit village or town, but resolutely ignored it.

"You never get that in city pubs." Ianto muttered when they were out of earshot of downstairs.

"That's because no one bothers to know each other in cities. Everyone's a stranger." Jack whispered back.

The landlord who had lead them upstairs reminded Ianto greatly of the barkeep in Shaun of the Dead - he was even wearing a similar blue and green tartan shirt, worn and faded and rolled up to the elbows. He was large and rotund, with a weathered face and grey hair. He showed them to their room, mumbling about how they only had the one available, no changes and sorry: it's a double. As Ianto slung his first suitcase onto the bed and began to unpack it, he heard him and Jack discussing prices and breakfast arrangements.

"Sleep tight!" called the landlord in a cheery tone that didn't match his face (or Ianto's zombie-fied impression of his face, forever lodged in his mind) and left them to it. Jack shut the door and slid the heavy bolt home, running his hands over the ancient, heavy wood.

"Stop caressing that door," Ianto demanded. "I think I may be getting jealous."

Jack turned and grinned at him, then frowned at the window. "No curtains." he pointed out, and Ianto glanced up to see the sign of the inn swinging on its hinges just outside, the cracked paint giving it a strange, unearthly texture. Jack resolutely ignored it, before settling on a bemused smile as he watched Ianto unpack his things.

"We're only here for one night." Jack reminded him.

Ianto paused.

"Oh yeah ..."

He frowned at the half-full wardrobe of suits and the plastic-covered one in his hands. After a moment of confusion that Jack didn't understand and decided not to question, Ianto began packing again, leaving out only one change of clothes and his toiletries. "Aren't you unpacking anything?" he asked Jack, watching as he dropped himself heavily on the old-fashioned iron-framed bed. The springs were noisy under his weight, and Ianto was just wondering how much sleep he could possibly get with all that noise when he noticed Jack's smile.

"Unpack me, if you like ..." he smirked, motioning his tented trousers.

Ianto bit his lip, then checked his watch, raising an eyebrow. Two in the morning, and his eyes were still itching with tiredness. Besides, he didn't think he could do it with the barkeep from Shaun of the Dead directly below them ...

"Maybe not tonight, eh Jack?" he sighed.

Jack looked disappointed, but didn't ask again, getting up to take off his coat and pull out some clothes for the next day as well as something to sleep in. He decided to borrow Ianto's shower things if he needed them.

Ianto was slipping his shirt from his shoulders as Jack crawled under the cream bedcovers and watched as he got changed. At first, Ianto had been a little disconcerted with how much Jack liked to watch him, but as he relaxed around him and got used to it, it bothered him less and less. More than once he'd pretended to be asleep, just to take smug satisfaction in the fact Jack would watch him for hours and hours doing practically nothing.

Ianto climbed into bed, and Jack's head instantly tucked itself under his chin as limbs wrapped around him and lips gently kissed his collarbone. Sighing happily, Ianto put his own arms around the Captain, wriggled until they were comfortable and closed his eyes, Jack humming a soft tune as the wind began to blow a gale outside.

It seemed Ianto had no problems getting to sleep, breathing deeply and evenly as Jack absently curled a finger into his chest hair, listening to the creak of the sign as it swung to and fro outside. He opened his eyes with a frown, watching it for a moment. His instinct was always to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the door, first line of defence against any intruders. Tonight, however, a strong sense of foreboding overtook him, and carefully Jack clambered over Ianto's body, positioned himself protectively around him and turned his back to the window, planting himself firmly between it and Ianto.

Whatever it was that had piqued his instinct seemed to take the hint, the cautious feeling dimming to only a dull murmur at the back of his brain. Eventually, Jack managed to drift in and out of an uneasy sleep, though it was haunted by ebony mares bolting into impossible darkness, young boys in baker caps with black eyes, carrying iron lanterns and scratching at him with impossibly sharp nails that drew blood, hotly trickling down his back.

~*~*~*~

Jack was a little disappointed that Ianto had woken up first, and found the dent in the covers where he had lain was cold. He could hear movement in the bathroom, and peeled his eyes open to spy him just inside the door, shirt off and washing his face, hair wet and plastered to his forehead from a shower Jack was sorry to have missed.

"Sleep well?" Jack called sleepily.

Ianto glanced up to meet his eyes in the mirror. "Had better. Still, rather here than in the car, right?"

"Right." Jack replied with a small laugh. He sat up and stretched as Ianto pulled the plug and let the water in the sink drain away.

"Had some funny dreams though." said Ianto as he crossed back into the room to grab his clean clothes.

"How so?" frowned Jack.

"Just ... I dunno. Can't really remember. Just ... they were funny. I settled eventually though." he shrugged.

Jack glanced at the sign, swinging gently in the morning breeze and looking quite ordinary in the daylight. "Was it all horses and demented children with claws?" he asked.

Ianto blinked and gave him an odd look. His eyes flicked to the wooden sign and back to Jack.

"Me too." Jack told him, his face serious. "You settled eventually, though?"

"Yeah. After you swapped sides." Ianto brushed it aside and proceeded to get changed, careful of his wet hair on fresh clothes. "Creepy sort of place, innit?" he said once he was dressed, trying to find his hairdryer. "I went downstairs earlier - no one around, but on the beams that hold up the ceiling they've got little bits about the history of the place. Ghost stories and stuff. Nothing about the meaning of that, though." He indicated the sign with his head. "A duel in the seventeen hundreds, a little old lady who sits by the fire, pints that pull themselves - nothing about horses."

Jack shrugged as Ianto crossed to stand and look out of the window. They were surrounded by countryside on all sides, and there was nothing to protect the ancient little inn from the harsh winds blowing in from the south. White-wash houses littered the hills, but there were no little clumps of buildings to signify anything resembling civilization for quite a way. "Are we staying for breakfast or are we just gonna go and find somewhere else on the way?" asked Ianto uneasily.

"Somewhere on the way." agreed Jack, stepping up behind him and snaking arms around his middle, ghosting lips over his cheek and ear. Ianto shivered pleasantly and turned in his arms, returning kisses and lacing fingers through Jack's hair.

"Let's get ready to go."

"Yep."

"Let go." smiled Jack.

"In a minute ..." Ianto mumbled into his neck.

"C'mon, Ianto."

"Can I just stay here a moment longer?"

"Let go." He gently prised Ianto off him with a laugh as Ianto pretended to groan, turning to start throwing their things into their bags. Jack pulled on his coat and held out Ianto's jacket, flattening it on his shoulders as he slipped into it and reached for the bags.

"Ready?"

"Ready." nodded Ianto.

Ianto waited in the driver's seat, panting from hauling his bags into the car, while Jack settled up with the landlord. He shivered and watched his breath form into mist before his eyes. Fidgeting, he reached for the map and tried to figure out where they were and which way they needed to set off in. He vaguely heard the boot open and close, and a good five minutes or so later Jack climbed into the passenger seat and sneezed loudly.

"Charming." Ianto wrinkled his nose, offering him a handkerchief. Jack took it, blew his nose and put it in his own pocket. Ianto kind of agreed he didn't want it back. "Right ... we need to go back up that way, get back on the motorway and head south."

"Well, you're driving. I'm having a lie-in." smirked Jack, getting himself comfortable and closing his eyes. Ianto rolled his eyes, turned the key in the ignition and made to set off, only for the car to jerk, tremble and stall. Jack laughed at him.

"Shurrup." he scowled as Jack sniggered again.

They rumbled onto the road as drizzle started to mist the windows and Ianto set the windscreen wipers beating rhythmically as the drizzle turned to rain. Jack snored softly in the passenger seat, the left side of his hair flattened against the window. It'd be a mess when he woke up, Ianto thought idly, glancing over at him. They were on a straight, so Ianto chanced it and gently pulled his shoulder a little and helped him find his centre, balancing him against the headrest. Much better.

"I'm not a doll." grumbled Jack.

"Fine." replied Ianto curtly, and let go of his shoulder. Jack slumped, his head hit the window with a thud and Ianto snorted and swerved.

Jack jumped awake properly. "You did that on purpose!" he whined, rubbing his head. "Next stop, you have to kiss it better."

"The next stop will hopefully be Dibley." Ianto sighed. "I don't like this car. It's handling really ... heavy."

"It was fine yesterday."

"I'm just not used to it. Can I have a sweet?"

"What colour?"

"Red. Or Green. Oooo orange. Orange."

"Shall I unwrap it for you?"

"If you're feeling generous."

"I am." grinned Jack, unwrapping the little sweet. "Open wide ..." he instructed and they smirked at each other as Jack slipped the sweet into Ianto's mouth. He slipped his fingertips a little way in, too, and felt Ianto's tongue flick against them gently.

"Hands to yourself." Ianto mock-chastised, chewing slowly and carefully, jumping a little as his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Jack answered it for him.

"Hello? ... Gwen! Hi - no, we hit traffic and spent the night ... right ... we'll have a look when we stop. I dunno ... maybe my battery's gone ... but yeah: we hit traffic and had to find an inn. Took us a little off the track but we should be there ... hang on ... Ianto? What time should we get there?"

"Two and half hours, maybe?"

"Did ya hear that? Yeah. Yeah ... okay. Thanks. Alright, Gwen. Bye bye."

He snapped the phone shut.

"What was that about?" asked Ianto, checking the mirrors as he prepared to finally pull back onto the motorway.

"Massive Rift spike, and another UFO sighting. The spike's left some residual energy that's built up overnight. Apparently, according to the monitor and our phone trackers, we were sleeping on top of the hotspot."

"But ... we're hours away from the Rift." frowned Ianto. "It doesn't reach out this far, does it?"

"No. I shouldn't think so. At least ... it never has before." shrugged Jack.

"Mmm. What if ... because you and I ... y'know ... live under the Rift ... maybe we carry some background radiation that catalysed something?"

"Thank god we didn't have sex. Imagine what that might have 'catalysed' ..."

"STD's?" suggested Ianto. "Woahhh this motorway is high ... I can feel the drag of the wind trying to blow us off ..."

Jack sniggered.

"Grow up." Ianto rolled his eyes. "I meant blow us off the motorway ..."

"I know." he smirked. "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever."

"God help us when you get hold of x-ray vision."

"You reckon we're gonna invent x-ray vision?"

"How else are nerds gonna find out what a naked woman looks like? The second they ban porn, they'll be on it."

"... they're gonna ban porn?"

"Probably. Eventually. Not in my lifetime though. Ha! You're gonna have to go through eternity without porn ..."

"I'll set up the 'Save Porn!' Facebook group as soon as we get back. In fact ... can I borrow your iPhone, I ... need to set up a Facebook account ..."

~*~*~*~

Finally, Ianto spotted a sign for Dibley. It was nearing lunchtime, and he was growing tired of driving, his stomach rumbling through lack of breakfast and desperate need for sustenance.

"Nearly there." Jack said in undertones, more to comfort himself than Ianto. He checked the clock on the dashboard again and sighed heavily. "At least we know the way back." he tried, attempting to lighten the bad mood that had settled over Ianto with the bad weather.

"Yeah. But we're not staying at that inn again. That place made my skin crawl."

"Yeah." agreed Jack. "Maybe we should have stayed and checked it out ... if we did catalyse something ..."

"Mmm. I'll keep a check on the internet and the police reports for the area. See if anything comes up. Then you and Gwen can go and sort it, because I'm not going back there."

"Why?"

"I told you. It was creepy. And ... we had the same dream, Jack."

"We don't know if it was the same dream." Jack pointed out. "The last thing either of us saw before we went to sleep was that creepy sign. Could have been totally different dreams, just with the same basic content."

"Yeah." conceded Ianto dully. "But ... I dunno, Jack. I felt like something was ... watching me. Like a lioness watching a zebra before she pounces."

"Mmm. I ... I kinda go that, too."

"Something watching you?"

"No ... something watching you." Jack said quietly. "Then again ... I am paranoid."

"But when you moved ... when you switched sides ... the feeling stopped."

"Yeah. And I thought you were asleep?"

"I was half asleep. Creepy dreams, but still aware of you." Ianto explained with a slight, unexplained blush. An uneasy silence fell between them.

"We're over-thinking it." Jack concluded. "We were tired and tetchy, we had a similar dream and now we're submitting to superstitious paranoia and linking together things that aren't connected in an attempt to find a pattern."

"Wow, Jack."

"What?"

"That was a pretty big sentence." smirked Ianto.

"Yeah." he replied. "It was a lovely big mouthful. Do we need to go left here?"

"Yep." Ianto indicated and turned. "So ... you don't think there was anything at the Inn? Nothing for us to worry about?"

Jack sighed and rubbed his chin. "Set up the scanners when we get there. We can check the Rift activity when we got to the place, too. But it's probably nothing. Like you said: could be background radiation from us that ... I dunno ... reacted to being so far from the Rift? Left again, I think."

Ianto checked and took the turn, and a sleepy little village spilled into view over the windscreen. "Woah. S'beautiful." Ianto observed.

"Like a postcard." Jack replied, grinning at him dopily. "Ohh ... you mean the village ..." he laughed, turning to the window. Ianto blushed a delicate shade of pink.

"What's our contact called? Where is it we're staying?"

"Mrs. Geraldine Kennedy. And it just says 'The Vicarage'. Converted, perhaps?"

"In most rural villages a Vicarage is exactly what it says on the tin - don't tell me you accepted an invitation to stay at the Vicarage ..."

"Oops."

"Great ... separate rooms after all. Wish we'd brought Gwen ... at least she'd have chosen to spy things other than 'Jack' during 'I Spy' ..."

"Left here." Jack instructed, and Ianto pulled up outside a large-ish ivy-covered Vicarage with a white door with black embellishment. Reaching into his pocket, Jack pulled out his phone and groaned when he saw it did, indeed, have no battery. "I think I forgot my charger ..." he added when Ianto raised an eyebrow at him.

"I packed you a spare." he shrugged in reply. "Universal charger - you can change the end to switch between the major phone brands." he continued, by way of explanation, pulling his phone out and handing it to Jack. "Use mine." he sighed.

Jack typed in the number. "Hello? Cap'n Jack Harkness - Gwen Cooper told you we were coming? Yeah, I'm sorry about that. You heard about the tanker? Yes ... yes ... well, we're outside the Vicarage now. Excellent. Ahh yeah I can see you. Hellow!" Jack waved at a large woman with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom who had appeared in the doorway to the house. "Yep ... just the two of us. See ya in a moment!"

He snapped the phone shut again and they both climbed out of the car, Ianto going for the bags while Jack introduced them to what Ianto had at first assumed to be the Vicar's wife, but could now tell from the dog collar and crucifix she was actually the Vicar itself. Ianto cursed himself for stereotyping, and gave her a warm smile as he wheeled his two suitcases towards her and Jack. "You fetch your own bag." he told Jack, holding his hand out to the Vicar. "Ianto Jones." he smiled.

"Geraldine Kennedy ... pleased to meet you ... very pleased to meet you ... very, very pleased to meet you ... in fact I think it may have made my morning ... in fact, my day. No ... scrap that ... my life. It's made my life ... ahem ..." she coughed and laughed nervously as she realised she was babbling. "Would you like the grand tour of the Vicarage? Then maybe get something to eat?"

"Food!" Jack shouted from the car as he slammed down the boot and set the alarm. "Er ... please ..." he added after Ianto shot him a discreet glare.

Geraldine eyed Ianto's bags dubiously. "You've packed ... a lot ... not much of a traveller?"

"I do prefer the constant." Ianto admitted.

"You've packed your entire house, haven't you, love?" she smiled. "Aww ... wait a minute ... do you city boys actually have houses? Or is it flats? Apartments? Those little self-contained boxes that you pay lots and lots of hard-earned money for and hardly get three square feet to yourself?"

"A little more than three square feet, be fair to the city boy!" joked Jack with a grin. "Now," he turned to Geraldine, his face deadly serious. "You mentioned food? And tell me there'll be carbs ..."

The Vicar's face cracked into a massive, almost dopey grin and Ianto had to stop himself rolling his eyes. "This way, gentlemen." she said, standing back and letting them into the house.

It was a pleasant, if not strangely large cottage. The walls were painted with warm colours and religious iconography littered the bookcases and walls - as did Robbie Williams, which Ianto found quite funny. Jack was being Jack, touching things and examining them, putting them back, asking questions and being generally sociable while Ianto stood at the bottom of the stairs, awkward with the bags.

"... and you can watch the television whenever you want ..." Geraldine was saying. "... me and the husband don't really watch much telly. So ... when will you start your investigations, Captain? Only we are a a little bit worried about it. Oo! And our local councillor, David Horton, wants to meet you as soon as."

"Good good ..." Jack mumbled, following her pretty aimlessly. "Well, as soon as we've had a bit of rest - maybe something to eat?" he hinted.

"Right - okay ... well if you lug your stuff upstairs, I'll pop the kettle on and we'll have a nice up of tea. Okay?"

"Erm ..." Ianto interrupted. "Where is our room?"

"First on the left. Don't worry, it's twin beds." she winked. Jack and Ianto shared a look that Geraldine seemed to miss. "More my benefit than yours - hate to think what the Lord would see if he popped open my brain while it contained knowledge of you two under the same sheets!"

There was a bit of an awkward silence, and Jack and Ianto got the feeling that Geraldine was used to putting her foot in her mouth when she clapped her hands together and quickly excused herself to make tea. They began to heave Ianto's suitcases up the stairs, Jack grumbling yet again about Ianto's over-packing.

"You'll thank me for it!" panted Ianto. "Some point over the next fortnight ... you'll thank me ... for it!" He slung the suitcase onto the bed by the window, and steadied the other one at the foot of it. "So ... do we tell Geraldine that ... you and I ... - ... dabble?"

Jack had dropped heavily onto the other bed, and had been testing the springiness of the mattress by bouncing a little. He hesitated and raised an eyebrow at Ianto's question. "Do you want to tell her?"

"Well ... I - I - I - y'know ... not really bothered either way ... just ... wondered if you were." Ianto replied, flustered and fidgeting with the padlock on the zip of his suitcase.

"We'll just push the beds together and hope she takes the hint." shrugged Jack, and resumed his testing of the mattress springs.

"... or condemn us all to Hell." pointed out Ianto.

"At least we'll be warm. The further up you go, the colder it gets - and if the iconography is anything to by, they don't give you much to wear."

"Never thought that'd be a problem for you." smirked Ianto.

"My knackers'd get a bit chilly though. And tiny balls is never a good look."

Ianto snorted as he pulled open the top of his suitcase, then hesitated to glance out of the window.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked with a frown, moving to stand by him and look outside, too.

"Paranoid." muttered Ianto. "Thought I saw something out of the window ... bird probably flew past."

He resumed unpacking.

Jack felt a little niggle in his instinct, and plopped down on Ianto's bed to make a show of testing the springiness. "When we push the beds together, I'm on this side." he declared, and saw Ianto glance at him, at the door and at the other bed closest to it. Ianto shrugged.

"Whatever. Help me push this one over, then."

The frames were light, and soon they'd rearranged the bedding to make it look like one whole and rather spacious bed than two pushed together. There was a soft knock on the door, and Geraldine entered. Her eyes drank in what they'd done with the beds.

"Always the best ones ..." she sighed, a joking smile playing about her lips. "I'll put in a good word with the Man Upstairs, see if I can save us all from Hell ... or at least get us a good spot where we can watch the demons baiting Derek Acorah."

Jack gave a small laugh and kissed Ianto's temple.

A spot where they could watch the Baiting of Acorah? Couldn't really say much fairer than that.

* Rochdale Hornets. My rugby team. Don't Google them. They're shit. (Though Wayne Corcoran can cork me any day.)
** That was on the old sign. A few years ago the Inn changed hands and the owners changed the sign because it was too creepy.

FIN

So long since the first part! Apologies all around, but I do have four series on the go! Damn those plot bunnies!

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