What the poop?

[a_s_t_e_r_i_a]

Ahh it begins. I think, I know it sounds wierd, but someone just keeps showing me signs, of where I went wrong. Ha. Very wrong. Like over a year ago.. and that's where it all began.. I don't know. It only takes someone signing into fucking msn and brain goes on a mad one. I don't know. I don't even think I really know what I want anymore.. Atleast I got a home.. if we can get money together. Not that I wouldn't have a home.. I jsut don't know if I@m ready. Before it was a case of "Can I stay with you for a while." and then I got offered a lovely home on a plate.. and now it's just back to before.. and it makes me sad. I know they want to move, they have to .. but I feel cheated. They promised me a home and a family for however long.. and now the house is on the market already.. I know I said about moving out with rhys.. but to be honest I knew he would never do anything about it.. and now I'm scared and sad.
Ok, Gez and rhys are my family.. but it just doesn't feel complete. They're odler, they've lived their whole lives with a real family.. I still want that. Bleh. I don't want to have to grow up so fucking fast... it hurts my head. If I say I'm scared, I just get "Don't be silly."
If I just kept hold of one thing, then maybe this wouldn't be the case. I Don't know.
Maybe if I just reconstructed my whole life from scratch, started off somewhere else, new things.. well it would be shit without people in my life I have now. I do miss a certain person.. but I can't have them aswell.. I've got to make choices now and there's no going back really..
Bleh I don't know. It probably will be fine.. I'm just being a stoopid girl. Fuck.