(no subject)
Okay well I finally finished my dress and I love it! It turned out great for my first dress made all by myself!!! YAY anyways, I finished it in 6 hours and the little bitch still hasn't finished her skirt! now I don't know if hers is completely hand sewn (which would be stupid cause hand stiching isn't all that great work now adays!!!) or what, but she hasn't even finished her liner for the skirt which is supose to be done first! Every seamstress knows that! Liner first then outerlayers... you work in to out not out to in but hey who am I to tell her after all she never listens to me!!! RIGHT BRANDIE!!! anyways life sucks! I realized that I still am in love with harvey and he is dating someone else right now and I have a feeling it is his room-mate which really rips out my heart cause I konw I'm better than she is in many aspects! He posted on his live journal that he had never felt as cared for as he does now! Wow was I not the one he proposed to or what??? so I don't know if they are screwing around or not but hey Its his life and if hes happy than that is all that matters! I guess.... It also really sucks cause he told me he never wanted to talk to me ever again and so I am being completely dismissed!!! It really really really hurts and I'm tired of hurting! Its like in Sweet Home Alabama, where the dude is like "what is it with you southern girls, do you have to try all the wrong ones before you come back to the right one?!" well yeah I guess we do, cause I definently made a wrong choice in leaving and now I am paying for it dearly! I could just hang myself for that one! I thought it was the right choice at the time, but now I know it wasn't! Maybe being engaged so soon was what was wrong, but not us dating and all! But now I guess it won't be! Why did I ever have to get involved with Kannan! I mean damn it all to hell, if it wasn't for him then I would be somewhat better off now!!! I wouldn't have pissed harvey off and then he wouldn't have stopped loving me and then everything would be okay, but no it can't be like that because the ass actually led me to believe that there was something there!!! How stupid can one person be??? Well I'm here to tell you pretty damn stupid!!!! Now I'm siting alone with no guy and no love and no close guy friends, and that is b/c Ash decided that I was turning into something that he didn't like so he is not talking to me now, so that all went down the drain! And all my girls are not near lynchburg and so life really sucks right now! Not to mention that I am not going to have enough money for school in the fall, so Who knows what I am going to do! Damn it all to hell, why can't I live in a dream??? I'm serious, phyiscally living in a dream would be wonderful compared to this life! Its not even a full life, its a half life! Oh well I guess such as life, but still I hate knowing that I have lost something so wonderful with no hopes of haivng it return! Its not like having someone die on you! I mean you know you can't really contact them physically so it doesn't hurt the same as knowing the one you still love is alive and breathing somewhere else and its them who do not want to have anything to do with you! God that hurts so much and I do not know what to do!!! Sometimes I wish I could just die and end all this pain, but yet there is something I can not put my finger on that keeps me here. Its not hope cause I donot have any of that left, its not love cause I definently don't have much of that left, so I do not know what it is! It doesn't matter anymore, I'm kinda getting used to living a half life. routine is wonderful. It means I can turn off my brain and go on autopiolte! Work at 11:30- 3:30 then nothingness after that until bed whenever... its wonderful i guess! Oh well such as life I guess... Well heres to everyone elses somewhat happy lives!
Toodles
Toodles