(no subject)
So, I sit, like I always sit, blinking empty screen. Nothing to write, except the nothingness in life, the whiteness of my canvas the sadness of my heart, once again hope disillusioned me, it always does.
I cried already, I screamed, cursed, fell and broke all I could. I blamed life, and God, and everyone I could, there is nothing else to do. The madness of the moment has passed, like the taste of sugar that lingers in our mouth; it’s like a vague memory of some other life.
And now I sit again, wanting to write an epic, a passionate portrait of the very human existence. Yet nothing flows, my hands are still against a dusty keyboard and a soft, strong voice breaks the silence as my mother sings the afternoon away. Now and then the creaking of my chair as I move despairing at the stupidity of my mind.
To trust, to trust in hope again! What a fool I was! To think that this time things would turn out well and that finally the fairy tale ending would be granted by the creator. I knew it, somewhere hidden, expect the worse my torments said, and at night I dreamed this moment.
Déjà vu, the French call it, promotion those that practice magic, a revelation the faithful whisper, life my mother said. I don’t have a name for it; I don’t think I could stand a baptism at this point. I only know that hope is for the foolish and I will never trust again!
Then came the calming raindrops after the storm has passed, the piecing together pieces of my life, the fishes returned to the sea, and the sun rays peaked amongst the grayness. At night, the silence of the darkness, shouting the brightness of the moon, and the stars, big shiny eyes of the heaves asking forgives from my mortal soul. Dare I be hopeful again?
NO! You promised!
But, the trees kneeled pleading and the wind whispers the secrets of success. I smile roaming the vastness of the world. And again nothing comes to me, no great epic tale, nothing but jumbled words stare back from the screen. That forsaken blinking screen! But this time no tears puddle in my cheeks and I feels a rosy glow about me. Hope has returned, it always does! Perhaps tomorrow my price winning novel will show up! I know it will!