Don't forget me, I beg...
Two posts in a week, you can tell it's bad, I guess. After last week, things got worse, as they're wont to do. My uncle called and left a message on our voicemail to "look as nice as we possibly can." and yeah, that went over as about as well as you expect. It's.. I don't even know why I let it bother me so much.
Probably because it turns me into a seven year old who's shaking, but that's beside the point.
The wake was weird and mixed signal-y and just... awful. I remember how fucked up we were as kids, and how we both got that about one another and just...ugh. I thought he got help and was doing better. I was fine until there were pictures and just... Yeah, I don't even know, I'm pretty non-coherant this week, I guess.
I didn't go to the funeral. I babysat instead and I'm glad. It was better for me. And then I thought it'd be over.
But now my aunt is coming for Thanksgiving. The one whose nose I broke when I was 12 because she called my mom a bitch. We didn't invite her, I didn't plan for her but she's fucking coming for dinner and my mom is like LOSING HER SHIT being all "we need to clean, we need to do this we need to do that. We should buy new curtains." Just ugh. I want to curl up and die.
I've been having a lot of PTSD nightmares. And having panic attacks. Today in my therapist's office, I fucking lost it. I had a complete meltdown. I'm.. I've not been this bad in a while. Both closet dreams and blind dreams and this is the anniversary of my surgery and it's just I want to go into a coma and sleep until the 15th when I leave for England.