(no subject)
Easter week we got the news my aunt was officially not going to make it. The day before Good Friday we were called into the hospital in what was thought to be her last day. In fact she held on for the Good Friday, my uncle's birthday on Saturday and then passed away Easter Sunday morning.
Last night, we got a phone call. My childhood friend, Andre, had a sick cousin. On Good Friday, she got the news that she needed to prepare for death. The doctors said there was nothing left she could do, and that she had one month to live. She died a few days ago from cancer at the age of 20. She didn't get to finish school. She didn't get to turn the infamous "21". She didn't get to have a wedding. She never experienced the joy of having children. .... .....
One thing I found myself saying to my mother at the viewing today was that I'm sure this pretty little girl would have loved everything that was set up there for her. Her coffin was white and gold, in the sort of style that made me think of a limo at prom or the white carriage she would have ridden off in just after her wedding. All of her flowers were white and pink, full of large roses and giant lilies. I thought that perhaps she could have had the exact same colours in her bridal bouquet. I couldn't get my mind off of what could have been her wedding. But she'll never have that now.
20.
It's too young.
I sat in my basement on the cold tile floor of my bedroom and put on my make-up, readying myself for the trip to the funeral home. A sobering thought hit me when I reached into my closet and pulled out my black pin-stripped suite: this is my funeral outfit. I've been to enough funerals that I now have a collection of clothing that I can properly wear to a funeral. My Nonna had a tumor in her spin removed twice, my Nonno had colon cancer, my mom had a grape-fruit sized tumor when I was young, and my aunt died of what started as colon cancer.
Every time now someone tells me they or some family member has cancer, I feel a little piece of myself fall into a whirl-pool of darkness, swallowed up by some unidentified body of water. My soul feels like it's sick....