Xenophilia
Title: Xenophilia
Author: AotA
Rating: T
Warning: crack, sexual themes
Characters: Jack O'Neill, George Hammond. Mentions of: Optimus Prime, Prowl, Jazz
Setting: Stargate: SG-1, Transformers: Any
Summary: SG-1 finally meets a race that has big honking space guns and is willing to share them. The only problem? As a race they are all impossibly sluttish and don't consider species as a line to be crossed. As far as they are concerned, there is no line.
Notes: This came from a random thought of what would happen if Cybertronians met SG-1, where said Cybertronians were the hypersexual sort where getting sexed up in officer's meetings was totally normal. Would definitely make for "interesting" diplomatic relationships.
Also posted to FFN and AO3
"Now, what's this about there being 'possible diplomatic issues' with these... Cybertronians?" Hammond asked, "If you're using political euphemisms then I start reaching for the antacids."
Jack made a face, "Let's just say they're... really, really ahem 'friendly.'"
"Friendly."
"Yeah."
"Friendly as in...?"
"Friendly as in they have random bunches of whatever kind of alien equivalent of sex is in meetings composed of the head of their armies, a guy who is kind of like the cross between the president and the Dalai Lama, The Guy's SIC, TIC, a bunch of high level officers, and... well. You get the point," Jack's eye twitched.
Hammond stared. Then he reached for the antacids.
"Apparently they see no problem with inviting humans to join in either," Jack said thoughtfully.
The general choked on the tablets.
As the general was busy choking, Jack continued, "Seeing as they're big honking alien robots, I'm not entirely sure how that's supposed to work out, but Danny boy was pretty interested. 'For the anthropological viewpoint, of course' he says."
Hammond's face was red when he washed the antacids down. "Tell me you stopped him." It wasn't a question, but more a kind of retroactive command.
"Yeah," Jack looked disturbed, "They were disappointed, but they didn't fuss about it. The part that really screwed with my head was the fact that I was expecting them to make a fuss about it because we weren't putting out." The colonel ignored the way Hammond's fists clenched on his desk, "I mean... what kind of galaxy is this that it has made me completely unmoved in the face of having to have weird alien sex with robots as a matter of course for diplomatic relations, and the fact that they accept that we don't want to have weird alien robot sex that throws me off?"
"Out."
"Sir?"
"Get out. Now."
"Yessir!"