Recovered.
So, I've been thinking.
I've been reading uncertainwords's journal lately.
She is really a great person and she is working on recovery.
It is a struggle, but she's making progress.
Through her journal, I found another. I forget her name just now- something about becoming a butterfly & the icon on her page is of a catterpillar. Anyway, I was reading through her journal & her experiences and the thought occurred to me.
I've been doing quite normal with this eating disorder stuff for some time now.
(As far as my physical actions)
Sure, I've had thoughts still, but haven't acted on them in a long time.
There have been days when I've felt bad due to body image or food-related things.
However, I was thinking today that what's the point of all this recovery effort- it's to become recovered.
I don't want to buy into the "in recovery" stuff- my goal is recovery. period. plain and simple. I don't want to think of this as a sort of in-remission. When it's done I want it to be done.
But when do you decide that you're done?
How do you know when it's done?
The thought occurred to me that I'm done.
Could it be?
I don't think I obsess any more than any 'normal' person does.
I think about my body and what I eat, yes. But I think it's at a normal level.
Yes, I chose to go a bit crazy not long ago, on my nymph journal, but that was more about embracing the thing that I once clung to. And I realized that I didn't want it anymore.
So, here I am, realizing that I'm probably already 'recovered'.
It took an entry in butterflytobe's journal, about how normal people care about these things too, to make me see it from this angle.
So, there you go.
I'm deciding here and now that I am recovered.
It's my decision to make, as far as I can see.
And I've made it.
As crazy as it may seem to some of you.
(or maybe it doesn't).
That's all.
I've been reading uncertainwords's journal lately.
She is really a great person and she is working on recovery.
It is a struggle, but she's making progress.
Through her journal, I found another. I forget her name just now- something about becoming a butterfly & the icon on her page is of a catterpillar. Anyway, I was reading through her journal & her experiences and the thought occurred to me.
I've been doing quite normal with this eating disorder stuff for some time now.
(As far as my physical actions)
Sure, I've had thoughts still, but haven't acted on them in a long time.
There have been days when I've felt bad due to body image or food-related things.
However, I was thinking today that what's the point of all this recovery effort- it's to become recovered.
I don't want to buy into the "in recovery" stuff- my goal is recovery. period. plain and simple. I don't want to think of this as a sort of in-remission. When it's done I want it to be done.
But when do you decide that you're done?
How do you know when it's done?
The thought occurred to me that I'm done.
Could it be?
I don't think I obsess any more than any 'normal' person does.
I think about my body and what I eat, yes. But I think it's at a normal level.
Yes, I chose to go a bit crazy not long ago, on my nymph journal, but that was more about embracing the thing that I once clung to. And I realized that I didn't want it anymore.
So, here I am, realizing that I'm probably already 'recovered'.
It took an entry in butterflytobe's journal, about how normal people care about these things too, to make me see it from this angle.
So, there you go.
I'm deciding here and now that I am recovered.
It's my decision to make, as far as I can see.
And I've made it.
As crazy as it may seem to some of you.
(or maybe it doesn't).
That's all.