My loooooooove ;_;
Figure skating (or figure skaters, i guess lol) and Gaga trumpeted into my life simultaneously. And it's SO WEIRD, because what i love about certain figure skaters is the same thing for which i adore Gaga - a huge dichotomy/duality in the persona that can sometimes, somehow manifest both of its sides simultaneously.
LOL QUE
The nice thing about ~big words~ is their efficiency and clarity. I've tried expressing what i said earlier before in non-pretentious (QUOTIDIAN HURRDURR) words, but it came out like "it's like they have two sides in their personalities, and the two sides are completely different from each other, but they're still showing in the person at the same time, and they're not sequestered from each other either", and that's just stupid. When i read stuff, i always latch onto "interesting" words and string them together while ignoring all the little fillers (e.g. "and", "each other", "still"). That screws me over all the time (like the time i spent $250 on a vest for the chance of a virtual styling session with Johnny... i totally didn't see "virtual", and didn't realize i was investing so much on not a trip to NYC, but a trip to Radioshack to buy a webcam -_- LUCKILY, this happened when i was in China; Paypal raised its eyebrow at a sudden huge purchase made in my name in the middle of Chengdu, suspended my account, and reversed the order... i know this is a huge run-on and barely makes sense), but i figure that this is how everyone reads - so isn't using less common words more user-friendly? In a really snobby only-if-you-have-a-big-vocab way?
Although this might only apply to visual Interesting Words, like "pebbles" or "patina", and i just wrote a huge paragraph that has nothing to do with the original topic. Successions of academic jargon always put me to sleep.... I'm really paranoid about my vocabulary, though - i'm convinced that if i use savory words irl, people will either:
a) think i'm a snob, which i am, but I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT
b) steal the words from me. I know this is silly of me, but i feel ownership over words - like, i had to discover the book from some random review on the Internet, i had to hunt it down, i had to read it and discover the word, i had to look up its definition and internalize it... and all you have to do to know the word is hear me say it?
So when i write, all of the vocab words i keep cooped up in my brain spill out. It's like they're demanding to be used - i've written essays and stories before with random words scribbled in the margin, waiting for me to twist out some way to incorporate them. I hate saying that they're "alive", but they are in the sense that they have a desire to be used and a fear of being forgotten... lol, i feel like they have power over me. /SO MUCH DRAMA~
The clearest way i can think of to describe this is with examples:
-Gaga: omgwtf ur trying 2 hard fashion/complete otherworldly beauty/sweetiepie (like in the picture posted at the beginning of this, she is wearing the latter two and I'M IN LOVE)
-Johnny: tacky ass bitch/complete otherworldly beauty/sweetiepie (it embarrasses me when people compare Johnny to Gaga because it's usually just because they're ~edgy~, but idk i guess i agree, but for different reasons)
-Stephane: Prince Charming/slut/innocent bb
-Plushy: jumping on the gold medal podium at Vancouver/basically everything he says regarding him and Yana
I mean, obviously everyone has multiple facets to their personalities that show up in different contexts... but Gaga/Johnny/Steph/Plushy's facets listed above are all SO dominant, and yet they coexist, respectively. My Mozart teacher assigned us an article about creative people, and its theme was that a creative person is usually someone who can hold contradictory extremes (e.g. being both extremely proud and extremely modest, outgoing and shy, lazy and energetic) within him/herself and harness both of them with equal strength. I was like, DYING as i read this article. MAY THEORY IS NOT ALONE
I was also dying, though, because the article gave me some reassurance that i'm not crazy or something. It makes me so squeamish to say this because i've been raised on the notion that believing oneself to be special/creative is pathetic, but reading the most nerve-wracking wtf-is-wrong-with-me parts of my personality neatly listed down, and then seeing those traits attributed to Mozart and other creative geniuses, was totally life-affirming and ego-tripping. I'm nowhere near Mozart or Gaga, obviously... BUT WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF I WAS IN A FEW YEARS??/???/??????/////
Every time i post a brain-vomit entry, i wonder who is laughing at my self-indulgence and arrogance and side-eye myself for being such an exhibitionist. But i dunno, there's always that tiny, compelling urge to tell another person about my "ideas" - although with run-ons and rambling like this, i'm completely sabotaging myself. But i think i just want it out there, so whatever....