Moooooooooooovie Night

[allkindsofbuffy]

When the movie started, I got a little more comfortable after handing Wes the popcorn so I could get a little closer. Relax. Not be so uptight and stuff. Leaning my head against him I did just that. Relaxed. I had never actually seen High Noon, but I would take his word for it. If he liked it, I'm sure it was fine. Then again, this was Wes. What

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[allkindsofbuffy]

This was really hard, even to explain and people wonder why I keep everything inside and skip the after school special. The problem that I was having with Wes ... it wasn't really even a problem, I guess. I didn't know. Maybe things were changing, maybe they weren't. Maybe today I was just having a bad day. Maybe he read too much into all of this and the fact that he knew what I wanted to think 24/7 was a big problem. Maybe I felt like I couldn't breathe. Maybe the dream got to me, but why did I have to tell him about it? I shouldn't have because I should have known this was going to happen. I put myself into it and I had to take myself out of it.

"No. No, it's not, I ..." I didn't want to talk about this. Not anymore. I just looked up at him and shrugged. "Nevermind," I said because really, it was two different things and it had nothing to do with him. Well, the part about me changing, that had something to do with him because he is the reason for ... well, the whole changing thing, but Spike? Had nothing to do with him. He was a demon of my past and a demon that I had to get over.

Like alcoholism or something.

Okay, that was really bad.

Like something else that was really easy to get over.

Except from the look on Wes' face, that wasn't really going to fly but it had to fly because I ready to ... to just ... make it fly and he wasn't going to.

"I already talked to you about the whole changing thing. Like ... this whole thing that we have here. I went to LA, met up with you, for some reason you let me stay at your place and then ... this just sorta happened. I fell for you but me and the whole falling for you thing, it feels like I've just ... not been there for other things and that's okay too, I guess because I have to live my own life. For years I've saved everyone and took care of everything and it's nice to have something that's mine and that no one can take, or kill, or you know, is evil, it's just ... scary. Does that make any sense?" I asked him as I looked at him.

Finally, I looked away and down at my hands as I played with them because the silence was getting to me. Maybe I was just really messed up to the point of no fixing or something, which was stupid but still. If he couldn't understand me, then what was I doing here?

[watcher_pryce]

Never mind? No, no not never mind. I don’t like it when she has a problem but feels as though she can’t talk to me about it. I’m her goddamn lover, and what’s more I am hopefully her partner. Aren’t we supposed to share everything? Haven’t I told her about me as well, haven’t I opened up to her for her sake? And now she’s closing herself off to me? I don’t like it.

What is it I’ve done that’s made her change her mind? Doesn’t she love me? Does she.. Love someone else? Though whom I’d have to wonder about. It’s not as though she’s had much time to meet anyone else. Unless it was when she was away hunting down Spike. It’s not Spike is it? If that’s the case, I don’t think I could bear it.

What’s more, I don’t know how to get her to talk to me. Not never mind, that’s not going to cut it. The problem is that I can’t bloody well force her can I?

She finally starts to talk much to my relief. But it’s only a short sense of relief because her words are like some code. A code I’m not privileged to. I’m sure it all makes sense in her head but to me it’s nothing but incoherent garble. “You… feel as though you’re missing something in our relation ship?” I try tentatively after I’ve ran her words over and over in my mind. And coming up blank.

[allkindsofbuffy]

I just looked at him. I really thought I got it to where he would understand it but I was wrong. I ...

Looking up at him, I licked my bottom lip and nodded. "I am scared because this is normal. Normal, normal, normal. Okay, my first boyfriend, normal but then I get to Sunnydale and after that? Not so normal. Vampires and military boys that like to be bitten by vamps and then ... vampires and then ..."

I wondered if that made sense to him. I really hated doing this and maybe tomorrow would be a different day and I wasn't so moody and I was little miss sunshine like I sometimes was but right now? I felt ... helpless. He just had to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.

"I'm not missing anything that has to do with our relationship... I'm just ... well ..." I trailed off and just nodded.

"Okay, maybe I went crazy or something, I don't know but ... yeah. Tomorrow will be better."

[watcher_pryce]

“You’re afraid of normal?” I blink at that and frown. Well, that makes sense. I wouldn’t know normal if it hit me in the face so I can’t judge. I was born and raised to fight the good fight. Born to know about the demons that lurked in the night. Born to know that the monsters under the bed were really under your bed. Something no seven year old should know, I realized years later.

I gave her a small smile, reaching out to rub her arm. “It probably wont be any conciliation, but I’m far from normal. For starters I know about your real job, and I fight along side you. If you had normal you’d have to jump through hoops to hide it, or…. Best case scenario, you’d not be a Slayer.” But that’s not the case, and that’s what we have to work with.

“The most important thing is, Buffy, that I like you. Quite a lot. And I do believe you like me, quite a lot, as well. We get along most of the time, we have great sex when we’re not fighting and even beter after we do. And as I said I know about your ‘calling’ and on top of that I love you. Things, for us, are going rather good, and that’s what scares you, is that what you’re trying to tell me? You’re afraid to wake up and find that things will suddenly take a turn for the worst?”

[allkindsofbuffy]

I smiled while he talked because even with that, he made me feel alot better. I knew he would. Maybe that's just what I needed to hear. That everything was going to be okay or something corny like that. I guess everyone wants to hear that and I am no different.

Tilting my head, I looked up at him and nodded. I was afraid, really, really afraid but now? I don't think I am. Or I am not as afraid as I was before. I know that he's with me and we're together and we're a team and blah blah blah. It's important for me to know that and to understand that because ... then it won't work. And I knew that it would be me who would screw things up, as usual.

"Yeah. Kinda ... I mean. It's just I know that if something screws up it's going to be my fault," I said softly and looked down with a sad sigh.

"I don't wanna screw things up and I wanna be good for you." Then, I looked up at him again because I meant it. I wanted to be so good for him because he deserved it and I loved him and ... I needed him. It wasn't like I needed him needed him but ... I just ... needed him. If that made any sense whatsoever.

[watcher_pryce]

The slightly amused look I gave her couldn’t be missed. It was going to be her fault if things went wrong? Does she have any idea whom she’s talking to? The man who ever since he was born, or at least came to this great country of the United States has done nothing but mess things up. She was here to witness it the first time, then the several times with Angel, lets not even start about my so called Rogue Demon Hunter days and last but not least, the biggest screw up of them all.

Connor and the damn prophecy.

And she was afraid she was going to mess up? That’s a laugh, and I really wanted to laugh at that but I doubted that would be appreciated right now. Or ever.

“Buffy. If anything does go wrong, I highly doubt it would be your fault. So far you’re doing everything just fine, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Other then confusing the hell out of me constantly, but I’m guessing that’s a female thing. If only I could actually talk to Giles, or Xander, then I could ask. Point it fact was, I had no one to talk to but Buffy. And Dawn, Willow or Tara. Oh god, I’m turning into a girlfriend!

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, sweetheart,” I assured her, kissing the tip of her nose. “so how about we try to get some sleep now that we’ve settled that. Come here,” smiling I held my arms out for her to snuggle into if she wanted.

[allkindsofbuffy]

I nodded at him and slid under the covers as he put his arm around me. This was nice and this was something that I wanted, I was just afraid that I was going to screw it up. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day and I won't have to think like this again because screwing with your boyfriends head? Not really a good thing. I still wanted to find Spike, but right now? I wasn't worried about it which made me feel guilty because what if he was killing?

I closed my eyes and pressed myself to him.

"Tomorrow will be a better day," I whispered and looked up at him before leaning up and giving him a small kiss. I laid back down again and rubbed his chest before closing my eyes again.

It wasn't long until I dozed off and eventually fell asleep.

[watcher_pryce]

“Tomorrow will be a better day,” I agreed with her, a small smile slipping on my face. She kissed me, snuggling closer and closed her eyes. Tomorrow would be a better day. I’ve been telling myself that ever since I came here. Ever since I’d gotten involved with Buffy. Started a new detective agency with Buffy and her friends. I’ve actually seemed to have gained some friends here. Dawn, Tara and Willow, they like me, they don’t treat me like some second rate citizen who’s out to destroy Buffy.

Now if only I could convince Xander and Giles of the same. I think Xander is just being stubborn and protective about his girls. He doesn’t like it when another male horns in on his harm. He’s going to have to get used to it though. I’m not about to give up Buffy nor the friendships I’ve formed here despite everything. No way in hell is that going to happen. He can either try as I do and become friends, or just keep silent about everything and accept it.

If only things were that simple.

“Goodnight love,” I muttered, realizing Buffy was already fast asleep. Closing my eyes I pulled the covers over us both a little higher and snuggled down in my very, warm and very comfortable bed. I liked this bed, Buffy had picked out a very good bed. Still smiling softly I could feel my eyes starting to droop and soon there was nothing left but blissful darkness and sleep.