Big steps

[mr_angel]

So, that was it. Connor had agreed that we'd go over to Wesley's and talk to Buffy about him going back to Sunnydale with her. It still didn't sound right. I was going over to Wesley's to talk to Buffy. Cordy said she'd go with us, and I was so glad she agreed. Talking with Buffy and Connor would be bad enough, but if Wesley was there? I

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[cordys_bitch]

I watched as the adults in the room continued to stare and snarl at each other. Buffy had made a good point. This was my decision to make and my sitting on the couch and being silent wasn't helping matters. I just felt incredibly uncomfortable with the tension in the apartment and honestly just wanted to bolt for the door.

"I'm going to stay in Los Angeles." I announced, waiting until everyone looked at me before I continued. Angel still hadn't received an invite and I couldn't blame Wes for not trusting him. Thing was, I got why Angel was pissed off too. The entire situation was screwed up. "I appreciate the offer to go with you to Sunnydale, but I need to stay here and try and work things out with Angel."

There I said it. Does that mean we could all leave now? I had a feeling probably not, but it was worth a shot. I looked over at Wesley and then back at Angel. They were still shooting daggers at each other. "You both have every reason to be upset with each other, but your anger resolves nothing. Wesley thought he was saving me. Dad felt like he was avenging what happened to me. You were both right and wrong. You can not turn back time, so what is done is done."

[_wes_pryce_]

One doesn't work along side someone for so long and not recognize certain looks. And look Angel had now? I recognized. He'd say one thing, but think something different. If he and I were alone here now, and I'd invite him in, I'd be a dead man. Not that I had felt particularly alive since that night. Not until recently anyway.

I glanced over at Connor and part of me was glad he was staying in Los Angeles. He needed to work things out with his father, but that was going to be difficult And part of me just wanted to take him with us, because I still felt that threat coming from Angel. He could say he wasn't going to hurt Connor all he wanted, I still had that vivid memory, with that look of death in his eyes.

At least I'd have something to snack on.

Giving Angel a tired look, I turned back to Connor. "You've made your decision and I shall respect that. Just know that you can call me whenever you need help. And I suppose that's all we really needed to talk about."

Turning back I looked first at Cordelia. My best friend, the one who went through thick and thin with me only to drop me like a stone. And Angel, whom I nearly died for several time. "I think there's a time for explanations and excuses. That time for us has long since past. I wanted to explain to my friends, my family, why I had done what I did. But you never gave me a chance. Instead you all rather assumed and wished I were dead. So much for thinking my friends knew me."

Stepping away from the door, I glanced over at Buffy. This wasn't going well at all. Damn. I don't know what she's going to think. "I cannot speak for Buffy, of course. I have nothing more to say." Squeezing Connor's shoulder, I give him a sad smile. "Good luck." With that I turn on the balls of my feet and walk over to my bedroom. They can talk all they want without having to curb their words infront of the betrayer.

[cordys_bitch]

"Wesley." I said, stepping in front of him as he walked to his bedroom. I waited until he looked at me before speaking. "Thank you. I-I'm not sure I made the right choice, but I do hope you and I will still continue to get to know each other."

I looked over to where my father was standing in the doorway. He could hear me and I hoped he'd understand where I was coming from. If he didn't, it wouldn't change how I felt. "I understand why you did it. You wanted to save me and I am grateful. I don't care how it turned out because you did the only thing you could based on the information you had. We were all lied too and given half truths."

I shrugged my shoulders and stepped aside so that if he wished to leave without answering he would be free to do so. There was nothing but tension, regret and anger in the room and it was suffocating me. They were happy once, I believed. At least that is what the old pictures and stories I'd been told lead me to believe. It wasn't until my birth and the events that took place after that the relationships between everyone became frayed. Maybe I should feel guilty for that, but I was just a baby. I never asked to be born.

It seemed to me that there was already enough guilt and regret being carried by everyone else that I honestly didn't need to have my own. "I guess I should go. Thanks for everything, Wesley." I smiled over at Buffy. "You too, Buffy. Thanks."

[mr_angel]

Wesley and I continued to stare back at each other. I didn't budge from the spot I was standing, and he seemed contented with the fact that I wasn't stepping inside any time soon. I only looked away from him when I heard Connor speak from inside the apartment.

My eyes darted over to him, not believing for a moment that he'd said what he did. That was it? He was staying? My lips parted, and my mouth went dry - if it was possible for a vampire's mouth to go dry. I wanted to believe him, wished it to be true. Connor normally didn't just say things and not mean them though. Did this mean he'd stay at the hotel, or was that another hurdle we'd have to jump later?

I was unsure what to say, but apparently I didn't have to right now. I watched Wesley turn to Connor. He obviously cared for him. For some reason it both upset me and comforted me at the same time that he acted that way towards Connor and Connor towards Wesley. I was glad that Connor had someone to care for him when I wasn't there, but the fact that the person was Wesley? It was so amazingly ironic to me and I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about that.

My eyes narrowed and I lifted my chin a bit when I watched Wesley turn towards Cordelia. I hated the way he spoke like we were the ones to blame, when he was the one to take my son away to begin with. He finally turned away and headed back into the apartment. There was little chance that I'd be coming inside anytime soon now. Crossing my arms, I watched Connor walk over to Wesley, stopping him.

He turned around to look at me, and I just watched the two of them. Listening to what he was saying, I glanced away and look over at Buffy. There was something different about all of this and I really didn't know what it was. Sighing, I glanced at Cordy and then over to Connor again. I knew this was only the beginning, but at least we had a beginning.