(no subject)

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I'm not allowed to talk to you now.
So obviously I wanna talk to you now. more than ever.
I miss you. I think.
I miss who you were becoming. I think.
I don't know if I'm lying to myself
or if I just want someone around who's going to be what I need.
I miss you hugging me.
Your warm body against me.
How firm your body was.
Not because of your physique.
I just remember that firmness
and I miss it.
Because it was you.
I miss you caring about how I was even if you didn't know how to help.
And even though I shit all over you,
I miss your fantasy stories about our future together.
I miss the four of us being together.
I miss how happy my children were becoming around you.
How much it meant means that we're a family.
I don't know if I made the right decision.
I don't know how to be alone.
I never have been.
I was am scared.
And now I fear everyday that I've made a choice I won't be able to take back.