useless entry
today was one that by all means should have been a waste. i had no motivation, didn't even want to go to classes today. which, well, granted nothing new, but actively. had i not skipped them all already because of ota sickiness, it would have been today. well, or monday, when after american lit i was feeling particularly unsteady. but the point is. i didn't entirely waste today. i didn't get everything out of it academically i should've, but it wasn't one of those kind of days.
i wrote throughout lit study. like creative writing, sort of. because my conscience may soon eat me whole and leave nothing left, and i remembered a phrase from my senior year creative writing class: "something nervous shivered in the air..." and started off that way. it fit. then i went on into a kind of self-exploratory sort of thing that no one really cares about, so i won't bother transcribing here. in math, i spent most of the time thinking about the soonish future, after school. mostly: "if i graduate at 21, how long will i have to work around here before i can pick up and move to england, change my citizenship, and then change my name? how much money will i need to make before i can do all that?" that was my math class. (note: have a test in there friday. *shrug* ooh, big scary liberal arts math. i only got a 98% on the first test. eek.)
so i'm feeling more escapisty now. and i plan to escape, probably. oh, you won't hear about it for a while, probably, and will never think me serious, probably, but it's there. the goal. probably. probably.
today, i just didn't want to be here. i would have gone anywhere. anywhere. i wish someone had imed me from their school and suggested a two-day road trip, right then, starting this morning, getting back tomorrow night. i would have been there in a second. or an hour or three, however long. although, realistically i know i couldn't have. but i wanted nothing to do with this campus, nothing to do with this place.
nothing to do with me.
i want nothing to do with me.
max retired bora and wants to retire max.
i want to retire this me. go to england and be someone else, let sarah sleep, let sarah dwindle, and slowly decay. let her go. out of the misery she has always put herself into. and emerge... who? where? i don't know. but not me, not here, not near here.
new news:
mb wants to go to mexico in may. that means possibility of going to all 3 north american countries in may. the weekend after i get outta here in may, i'm taking max, corey, and whomever else to canada, and then apparently the next week i may be going to mexico. and obviously the us because i live here.
watched beauty and the beast today. love disney, hate disney, hate real men.
today, my least favourite word in the world was "he". i didn't want to hear it, didn't want to think it, didn't want to see any "he"s. all because...
i should probably take care of some things. not how i should, but... almost. almost.
i wrote throughout lit study. like creative writing, sort of. because my conscience may soon eat me whole and leave nothing left, and i remembered a phrase from my senior year creative writing class: "something nervous shivered in the air..." and started off that way. it fit. then i went on into a kind of self-exploratory sort of thing that no one really cares about, so i won't bother transcribing here. in math, i spent most of the time thinking about the soonish future, after school. mostly: "if i graduate at 21, how long will i have to work around here before i can pick up and move to england, change my citizenship, and then change my name? how much money will i need to make before i can do all that?" that was my math class. (note: have a test in there friday. *shrug* ooh, big scary liberal arts math. i only got a 98% on the first test. eek.)
so i'm feeling more escapisty now. and i plan to escape, probably. oh, you won't hear about it for a while, probably, and will never think me serious, probably, but it's there. the goal. probably. probably.
today, i just didn't want to be here. i would have gone anywhere. anywhere. i wish someone had imed me from their school and suggested a two-day road trip, right then, starting this morning, getting back tomorrow night. i would have been there in a second. or an hour or three, however long. although, realistically i know i couldn't have. but i wanted nothing to do with this campus, nothing to do with this place.
nothing to do with me.
i want nothing to do with me.
max retired bora and wants to retire max.
i want to retire this me. go to england and be someone else, let sarah sleep, let sarah dwindle, and slowly decay. let her go. out of the misery she has always put herself into. and emerge... who? where? i don't know. but not me, not here, not near here.
new news:
mb wants to go to mexico in may. that means possibility of going to all 3 north american countries in may. the weekend after i get outta here in may, i'm taking max, corey, and whomever else to canada, and then apparently the next week i may be going to mexico. and obviously the us because i live here.
watched beauty and the beast today. love disney, hate disney, hate real men.
today, my least favourite word in the world was "he". i didn't want to hear it, didn't want to think it, didn't want to see any "he"s. all because...
i should probably take care of some things. not how i should, but... almost. almost.