A day in the life of a Mad eye
Title: A day in the life of a Mad Eye
Character: Alastor"Mad-Eye"Moody,Moody's Eye,and mentions of Percy Weasley,Arthur Weasley,Barty Crouch Sr.,Dolores Umbridge, Cornelius Fudge,Nymphodora Tonks and OC.
Rating: 15 I guess? Comedy and Satire?
Word Count: 1630
Warnings: Disturbing Consepts include, Umbridge in a Cat suit, Moodys Eye Making fun of him,Mentions of Masterbation,and nasty sex, some violence,and Moody Abuse
Pairing: Fudge/Umbridge (but only brief mention there of) and Moody/OC (only brief mention there of aswell)
Summary:This is a Story of the day in a Life of Moody's Eye. Starting from when he wakes up and takes a leak, through his day at the office as a Auror Training Consultant , Dealing with Sexualy Deviant Bosses, Spotty Auror Wanna Be's,Man Eating Plants and Dogs,She Demon Wifes, and cold dinners.
Disclaimer: I own non of this... JK Rowling does...*sigh, moves on to depression*
((The Story of a Day in the life of Alastor Moody's Eye. and how it sees everything))
6:30 AM:
Oh Grand...here we go ... into the eye socket... ya... stumble up... brace yourself old codger while you try to stop the earth spinning... oh... here we go again ... maybe if I'm lucky he will keep his eyes up while taking a piss... Oh GOD!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... Nonononon.... Why does he always have to look down when he does this...*sigh* Ok..Shower... ya....you really need that after what you got up to yesterday...Thank God I'm not your nose! *grumbles of agreement can be heard from nose ...* Oh Thank God! CLOTHES!!! Thank the Orb for blessed clothes!!! Hurry Up old man! The sooner your dressed the better!... Ooooooooh...The highlight of my day... hmmm...must say you married one Hell of a looker! Thank the Orb you didnt Marry that Umbridge woman.... I would have rather been stuck with That Barty Chump!...Oooo...saucy! going in for a kiss are we...Oh what I wouldn't give to be your lips! *sigh of contentment from the lips shows that this is a justified statement! as the kiss becomes something more like a good hard Snog...* Down to Breakfast...Oh there's that Dog that bit you... I really must thank him some time... I couldn't stop laughing ! Oh yay... Whats in the fridge today? Left over Meat Pie.Oh....go for the milk...GAAAAAA why not use a glass old Fart! ...and you back washed as well...that's disgusting...you know if your going to eat the pie you should use a plate! Oh dear... Wife's here.... *would grin if he could* ... ooo...not very happy...yap yap yap... Ouch! That had to hurt!... Ya... bet you wish you hadn't eaten all that pie now! Here we go... I hate it when we use floo! Always makes me spin uncontrollably!
7:30 AM:
Oh here we are... God I wish I would stop spinnnnnning ... I wish I could be sick! Walky walky...wonder how legs doing... must remember to ask it when he clips his toe nails again... In another year or Two... Oh brilliant... Percy Mont Idiot.... Worse than your yapping wife!... Ooooo...Thinks hes the boss of you...bet your not very happy with that are you... Oh skittled off ...wander what you said to the ponce... Oh wonderful! your office!... Paperwork...
8:30 AM:
PAPER WORK...snore...come on old timer lets go and do something fun...like spy on the girls Toilet you know you want to! ........................GAAAAAAAA your boring! To much honor to do that!.... I preferred it when you were just getting the hang of me and I could do what I want!
9:30 AM:
Who would have guessed that Arthur had a tattoo of a weasel on his left butt cheek... Well...That was almost as funny as the smiley face, mole collection on Barty Crouch Sr. Back.... Oh Bluddy GRAND! More Paper work....
10:30AM:
*Yawn* why don't you quit this Job...hmmm.... instead of Marking term papers for Aurors wanna be's?..Get out there and do something... that green house is coming along you know! I love what you did with those man eating water Lily's! I almost laughed myself out of your socket when you got your hand stuck! Quick thinking with the pepper I must say... Amazed she didn't notice your hand though....
11:30AM:
Oh be still my non existent heart...coffee break... Sneak something into that Coffee!!! Go on! Dammit! you really aren't any fun at all! Wonder whats on your mind... OI! MIND! *growl "WHAT!"* What you thinking! *whisper "nothing"* thought as much......Back to your desk...ooooo something new...Schedule...lets see... "AUROR TRAINING 14 :00.... :" Oh dear...the little wankers are going to be sorry... you've been in a fowl mood ever since your wife knocked you in the balls for the milk thing this morning!
12:30PM:
Oh great here we go...passed the minor people who immediately move out of the way...its not respect you old bugger its fear! ... Why did you have to come up here first... We both hate that Fudge moron! After what he did I'm surprised you haven't killed him yet....Wonder where Umbridge is... the workers are a bit more chatty than normal... Oh...Lord Percy Prats not here? Oh...NO NO!!! PLEASE NOT AGAIN! Last time you looked through the door to Fudges office he was wanking to one of Umbridges Cat Pictures! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA RUN YOU OLD BUGGER JUST DROP THE EFFING PAPERS ON THE DESK AND RUN ....R.U.N WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN !!! OH THANK MERLIN!!! I Never in my life want to see Umbridge in a cat suit again!!! Oh Toilet... Ya...I wish I could cotch too... Curiosity really is going to be the death of you old timer...and me... Come on get up...Time to get to the training rooms...Those little cubs of yours are in for hell on a pop-sickle stick...
13:30PM:
SNORE!!! Come on get the long boring speech over with... I want to see you blow those little idiots right out of the sky! yes! Whats on the menu for today? hmmm.....Oh a light warm up? .... *if an eye could chuckle it would* Running around... Come on Zap the buggers! this is almost as boring as paper work Watching them go around and around in circles, while you laze on your fat arse...*groans from the arse might just be farting... sounds more like a complaint though* Sorry Arse! *"No problem" groans out again* That's one part of his body I'm glad I'm not!... My God...there like little hamsters! ...run run run!... COME ON! stop being so mean and get to the interesting parts!!!
14:30PM:
Oh good...No more running... *sigh* Jumping Jacks? ... come on...they've suffered enough! ... Ok... so you might train just as hard as them... but give them some slack! right... Okay.... sit ups...push ups... Oh grand some more running.... oh...have them running on the spot...How long is this gonna Take? YEARS?! Hate to break it to you old timer...but you really don't have that long!
15:30PM:
Oh...something fiiiiiiiiiiiinally happening? Oh...dueling this should be fun...remember the time Tonks turned your hair green with silver highlights? During a duel just because you called her Nymphomaniac? I thought you were going to kill her that time... you have a lot of self control for an old man...I would have murdered her ages ago *murmer from the hair agrees* So who you gonna make cry like a little girl today then? Oh ... Bold Choice! Mr.White has yet to be beaten by his class mate... Lets see how you do?! Expeliarmus? ... meh...good shield there ... though you were always good with shielding... Stupify... wow...always amazes me how fast you really move... Stupify....protego...agmenti? that's interesting, haven't done that in ages...Confundo.... come on this is getting boring you can do............ stupify...well that's that then..
16:30PM:
Oh Blessed Relief! Though taking a nap in his office is a rather dangerous thing that...Especially since last time he did that That big idiot from the Creatures department showed up leaving a box of something breathing fire on his desk and nearly burned the department down...I can still remember the look on fudges Face when he saw that his bowler hat was on fire...actually....sleep more old timer! Lets see if we can get that hideous cloak of his
17:30PM:
Nap... I'm surprised his little Auror cubs haven't come to take there revenge out on him ... Oh...look there here now...Wait... I wonder that thing is... Oh... its just a pair of scissors...nothing to wake the old man for... oh wow...making quick work of his belt ...and his trousers...My is he going to be impressed when he stands up with his trousers round his ankles
18:30PM:
Well this is very entertaining I must say...who would have known an idiot Auror cub yelling "Death Eater" could have had this response on the old man? .... It was rather funny when he fell forward wand raised, trousers round his knees... It wasn't funny when he lept forward like a freaking lion on top of the poor boy wand at his throat demanding to know where the "Lilly livered Scoundrel" was... Of course its a lot more entertaining to watch the boy scrubbing the public toilets after stammering an apology... but what can I say...the mans quite good with Punishing them
19:30PM:
Oh thank the heavens! HOME!... the old man works to hard...where are we off to...ah the Green house...of course We are! Need to check on his baby's after all... Awe... and they are beautiful..I especially like the ones he grew to have eyes to seek intruders.... Oh grand...Got his foot caught by his devil snare/venomous tentacular again HAHAHAHAHAHAHa...........taken his whole leg again..thank goodness its the fake...Oh ...phew! got it back...Yawn... checking always checking......Wish he'd hurry up!
20:30PM:
How can you spend over an hour checking on plants...its obscene ! ... Oh well...I suppose he doesnt want to be anywhere near the mutt....Cant balme him ... saw what he did to Sarpadon? Took him in one chomp...wasn't very happy.... I remember him screaming all sorts of blue murder at the dog
21:30PM
:Finally Dinner! and you barely washed your hands.... More meat pies? and cold at that? Dear me ... not very happy are we... at least your using a plate old man...and a beer? Whats the occation? ... Up we get... Hmmm NO! NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!...don't take your clothes off!!! I've had
to look down at that far more times than I care to count today....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! CURSE YOU!!!! Bath or shower? Shower...Oh great ... Oh no wanking tonight? To tired I suppose...Or that Umbridge thing HAD a rrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal bad effect on you..... I cant blame you... okay ... night shirt... and AH HALLALUJA!!!!! INTO THE GLASS I GO!!!! .... what a horrible effing day... don't suppose tomorrow will be any better?