(no subject)
>16/5/16 - Thinking I was ever mad enough to say this, now that makes me embarrassed.
I have 8, yes 8, major projects due in the next 2-3 weeks, and my holiday is mostly gone because of taking 4 extra classes and having to go back to school every day so far.
So I told my mum I wanted to drop one of these 4 classes at the end of the year, because I can't stand the hothousing and 4 hour lesson blocks ruining my holiday. Her response?
'Stop wasting your time' (Yes, because waking up at about 9 am (OH MY GAWSH SO LATE!) is wasting my time so much that she had to wake me up at 8 this morning despite my huge sleep-deficit from waking up early on every damn school day), 'put in some real effort' (okay, this does contain a grain of truth), and 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going' (what ever gave you the impression I'm tough?).
Maybe she should have had robots, not children. I told her I didn't care what she says, and that if this continues I'm quitting the class. And she started insulting me and said I should go to the neighbourhood school nearby, and have an easy time there, because its 'enough for you, right?' So I should go to a school full of idiots who probably only know how to drink and smoke and have sex, just because I want to cut my extra classes to THREE.
It's times like this when I really want to fake-kill myself. It would get me a few weeks' rest in the hospital to finish my work and more importantly, not go to school. It's not something completely unbelievable because :
a. In the 4 years I've been in my school, there have been 2 real suicides (which were hushed up of course)
b. Teachers probably think I'm very stressed, because I take every extra class there is and I'm pressured to live up to the "greatness" of my brother (many thanks to SOMEBODY)
But the more I think about it, the less I actually want to do it. Reasons as follows :
a. They would lock me up in the hospital, or worse the madhouse, for a few weeks at least. The lovely experience might include wearing a straitjacket. I'm not that into bondage, frankly.
b. I would probably not be allowed a computer or books, because there's always the risk of me doing myself in by bashing my head on the keyboard or making an origami noose from book pages (such vandalism, and is that even possible?), and I could actually go mad in earnest.
c. It would be a big disgrace to my family, and my amazing best friend, who sits with me in the public library until the sun has sunk far beneath the horizon and my mum starts spam-calling, that I'd even considered such a thing. Plus, she needs someone to help her finish her bubble tea.
Sometimes I also want to fake-die or disappear for some weeks at least, with only a few trusted friends knowing where I am. I even think of newspaper articles and obituaries, which could run something like "she was only 16, what a tragic end to a short life full of potential blah blah blah". Hopefully, they'd interview last year's physics teacher who called me "a highly intelligent young lady" or something like that which still makes me proud.
But my mother, who is a bit religious, could worry about how I might have been reincarnated as a nudibranch and wish she'd been a little kinder to me. (I'll admit she is nice when she's not being unreasonable). And then, they'd probably get police and private investigators because "mysterious disappearance of schoolgirl" and my family would be very worried and I would have caused a huge mess. The idea is getting selfisher by the second.
I should stop typing this rubbish and actually DO my work now.
I have 8, yes 8, major projects due in the next 2-3 weeks, and my holiday is mostly gone because of taking 4 extra classes and having to go back to school every day so far.
So I told my mum I wanted to drop one of these 4 classes at the end of the year, because I can't stand the hothousing and 4 hour lesson blocks ruining my holiday. Her response?
'Stop wasting your time' (Yes, because waking up at about 9 am (OH MY GAWSH SO LATE!) is wasting my time so much that she had to wake me up at 8 this morning despite my huge sleep-deficit from waking up early on every damn school day), 'put in some real effort' (okay, this does contain a grain of truth), and 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going' (what ever gave you the impression I'm tough?).
Maybe she should have had robots, not children. I told her I didn't care what she says, and that if this continues I'm quitting the class. And she started insulting me and said I should go to the neighbourhood school nearby, and have an easy time there, because its 'enough for you, right?' So I should go to a school full of idiots who probably only know how to drink and smoke and have sex, just because I want to cut my extra classes to THREE.
It's times like this when I really want to fake-kill myself. It would get me a few weeks' rest in the hospital to finish my work and more importantly, not go to school. It's not something completely unbelievable because :
a. In the 4 years I've been in my school, there have been 2 real suicides (which were hushed up of course)
b. Teachers probably think I'm very stressed, because I take every extra class there is and I'm pressured to live up to the "greatness" of my brother (many thanks to SOMEBODY)
But the more I think about it, the less I actually want to do it. Reasons as follows :
a. They would lock me up in the hospital, or worse the madhouse, for a few weeks at least. The lovely experience might include wearing a straitjacket. I'm not that into bondage, frankly.
b. I would probably not be allowed a computer or books, because there's always the risk of me doing myself in by bashing my head on the keyboard or making an origami noose from book pages (such vandalism, and is that even possible?), and I could actually go mad in earnest.
c. It would be a big disgrace to my family, and my amazing best friend, who sits with me in the public library until the sun has sunk far beneath the horizon and my mum starts spam-calling, that I'd even considered such a thing. Plus, she needs someone to help her finish her bubble tea.
Sometimes I also want to fake-die or disappear for some weeks at least, with only a few trusted friends knowing where I am. I even think of newspaper articles and obituaries, which could run something like "she was only 16, what a tragic end to a short life full of potential blah blah blah". Hopefully, they'd interview last year's physics teacher who called me "a highly intelligent young lady" or something like that which still makes me proud.
But my mother, who is a bit religious, could worry about how I might have been reincarnated as a nudibranch and wish she'd been a little kinder to me. (I'll admit she is nice when she's not being unreasonable). And then, they'd probably get police and private investigators because "mysterious disappearance of schoolgirl" and my family would be very worried and I would have caused a huge mess. The idea is getting selfisher by the second.
I should stop typing this rubbish and actually DO my work now.