The Desire for Success vs. Seth Sparks
Today I have chosen to cave a complete emotional breakdown within myself. I'm definitely not full of myself, but I don't think it would be too conceited to say that I have potential. As far as college is concerned, I know the text. I listen to lectures well and take decent notes. I believe deep inside me, I have the makings of a 4.0 student. I even enjoy class. While I'm there I feel comfortable, alert, and for once in my life I feel like I am doing something productive. I want more than anything to succeed. With this potential and will, why am I cursed with the chronic illness that has victomized me since high school? LAZINESS. It's 4:30 in the morning, and I have class at noon, but I am still awake.. I simply can't sleep, knowing already that I have missed way too much class and am already facing failure once again so early in the semester. I need help. Serious fucking help to overcome my weakness and grasp that which I desire most. If I make it to class today, I am going to talk to my professors and kiss ass. I know that I have brought all of this on myself, but in my case it is very commonly looked at as if I am simply not trying. I try to convince my self so much every morning that it seriously hurts. I don't know what I am so scared of, but I whole-heartedly wish I could over come it. If I don't find help soon, I'm afraid my college experience will just be my time in high school reincarnated. I am a pathetic loser with no balls to grab my dreams and run with them. I don't even know what to say anymore, except that I need to straighten out my priorities and start walking forward for a change, or stop wasting all the good oxygen that could be used by people that make an honest effort to contribute to society.